I disagree with the last paragraph of Glasshalffull's post. I don't think dad needs to hear that you wern't happy with the decision. It kinda comes across like mummy knows best (you don't) I kinda like the rest of it (kinda). But given this was a one off. AND remember, dad didn't take the kid to Luna Park for the day NO. Infact dad didn't even spend any additional time with the kid as a result. This give reason for as all to think that was well intentioned it was not malice. But you do want some documentation - but without all the threats of court BS.
so a nice text message at the time would look like this.
Dear ex,
Sorry if i came across as upset about your decision to keep little (insert childs name) home from school on (insert date). It is my understanding that the orders stipulate that if the child isn't at school then the child should have been with me. I'd like to suggest that in the future if a similar situation occurs you call me and we make a suitable set of arrangements.
KIND REGARDS....
So maybe you will sleep better and your hair wont go grey if you just learn to relax a little here. Oh and you owe me an apology for accusing me of being sexist. I'm not pro dad or anti-mum. Just a bloke who has earned his grey hair from life experience and is trying to impart some of what he has learned... Now go make another cuppa camomile tea and read the thing again because respectfully I really do think you need to relax a little. OR DONT and risk dying before you time of a stress related illness.
Peace
Sammy, largely agree with you although I guess we're approaching it from different points of view... The main reason I suggested she speak to the ex and tell them what she thinks, is so that she can, down the track, at least claim that she has expressed her point of view to eliminate her worry that he might say "I didn't know you felt that way" or "But I did it before and you didn't say anything". As for whether she should write it in a much friendlier, concessionary tone is another story. I suppose it comes down to preference. Obviously the harsher approach might rile up her ex. I get that.
You do also seem to be making assumptions about the dad's intentions. It did sound like the dad's partner made the call to keep the daughter home, not the dad. Maybe you're right, maybe Chrinsta is right. We don't know the full story from either parent, obviously. But I do agree with you that the fundamental lesson of the day is... let it go. Keep letting it go until it becomes a serious issue.
Incidentally, a while back, I was ordered by court to attend a parenting orders course due to the inherent conflict in my dealings with my ex, and I met a mum that remind me a lot of Christina: Well intentioned, but a bit of a control freak, fundamentally believed her way was the right way and that the dad was crap and should do what she thought was best. She was really upset in one of our sessions because her ex's new partner had suggested the children could call her mum if they wanted. The biological mum in our course was fuming, saying "nobody else but me should be called mum, I'm her REAL mum, how dare they try to exclude me and minimise my role, I would never do that!" etc.. Then another guy in the group piped up with words to the effect of "Is it really such a big deal? My own kids calls me Pete (example, name changed to preserve anonymity)! Shouldn't the children be free to refer to all the important people in their lives however they want to? Ultimately your role in your child's life is dictated by far more than just a name. Let go of the things that don't matter. Be the best mother you can be to your children and the rest will follow". That probably advice applies here too.
