NSW Visitation hours / school

[GlassHalfFull]

In that case, your orders are clearer than many are. A lot of orders are vague about what to do and who has 'jurisdiction' when circumstances deviate from the usual routine. I would say that "Well I've done it in the past, why can't I now?" isn't likely to be taken as a valid excuse, especially if you've raised your displeasure with what he's done at the time he's done it.

Why don't you just speak to him, email him, text him etc, and tell him you weren't happy about the decision that was made and that in the past you've let it slide and in this instance you will let it slide too but "In future, as per the orders, I expect to be advised immediately if [daughter] is sick and may need to stay home from school on Mondays, so that I can take steps necessary for the care of her to be handed over at 9am as per the order. If you don't respect the orders and the handover time in future and this continues to be an issue, I may file a breach of the orders in court" or something to that effect. That way you've made your opinion known and warned him that you intend to enforce it if necessary. Ultimately, open communication and compromise between parents is the key.

 

[sammy01]

Ok so if he says 'he has done it before" your answer is the child can't keep missing school just because he did it once before.... BUT you really are making a mountain out of a mole here..Clearly you have taken objection to my well intentioned advice... But hear me out can you. Regardless -despite personal attacks - i'm still gonna give advice.

Do the orders say anything about what to do if a kid is sick? I'm being serious - have a read. Maybe that part of the order has been breached and would be of more importance than the fact the kid was dropt off at 3pm. So have a look and get back to us.

Firstly, it is hard at this end without all the RELEVANT facts. Respectfully the facts matter. Your opinion that dad is jealous or that you guys never lived together don't matter, child support doesn't matter, a whole bunch of stuff you've written doesn't matter. THE FACTS MATTER. Did dad contact you? if so when? How did that communication go? Did dad have to leave for work and didn't have time to drop the kid with mum? There is a range of possibilites here that are unknowns...

Do you work Mondays? Did dad have reason to think you'll have work? because if he did - he was doing you a favour.

Who dropt the kid off and when? More unknowns. What do the orders say about sick kids? MORE UNKNOWNS.

But I do think you want something done so it is on the record...

I disagree with the last paragraph of Glasshalffull's post. I don't think dad needs to hear that you wern't happy with the decision. It kinda comes across like mummy knows best (you don't) I kinda like the rest of it (kinda). But given this was a one off. AND remember, dad didn't take the kid to Luna Park for the day NO. Infact dad didn't even spend any additional time with the kid as a result. This give reason for as all to think that was well intentioned it was not malice. But you do want some documentation - but without all the threats of court BS.

so a nice text message at the time would look like this.

Dear ex,

Sorry if i came across as upset about your decision to keep little (insert childs name) home from school on (insert date). It is my understanding that the orders stipulate that if the child isn't at school then the child should have been with me. I'd like to suggest that in the future if a similar situation occurs you call me and we make a suitable set of arrangements.
KIND REGARDS....

See nice - not threatening -a strategic apology even... None of it really matters, what matters is that you have it on record that you contacted dad and it is on the record. But the horse has bolted... But keep that one in your back pocket and use it if this happens again and add something about this now being the second time this has occured.

Camomile tea time - you really need to learn to relax.

Scenario - kid comes home on Monday arvo exhausted. Tells you that daddy took her out of school early on Friday and they headed down the coast and went camping. Daddy took Monday off work so they could hang out together and they had so much fun that the kid can't wait to do it again... PROBLEM. But that isn't this scenario... Not even close. This is a dad making a decision. He was the person best positioned to make that call. Maybe the kid was asleep, so he thought it best to leave her sleeping? who knows we wern't there. He was, he made the call and the kid didn't get hurt. Dad did good. But you can't see that can you? hmmm.

how is that cuppa camomile going? Can I make you another one...

Next - You wrote something interesting in one of your attacks on me... You said something like you didn't think my ex is all that bad. Why? because she is female? HMMM or some other reason??? Doesn't really matter. Regardless because bring it in tight and pay attention now... If my ex isn't really all that bad - well maybe... Hold on now and make sure you're sitting down... Are you ready - maybe, just maybe your ex isn't all that bad either? WTF? NOOOOO it can't be true... maybe, just maybe your ex isn't all that bad either. Yup wrote it twice because you really need to hear it. maybe, just maybe your ex isn't all that bad either. oh once more to be sure to be sure...

Maybe - just maybe YOU need an attitude re-adjustment. Let me give you a little bit of advice that I can't take any credit for. It was advice given to me by someone heaps smarter than me. When I was full of anger and hate like you are, someone told me to 'kill her with kindness and do nothing out of malice". I'm not gonna lie it took time but I'm in a better place for it.... BTW you are full of anger and hate... let me prove it to you...

Get a pen and a piece of paper. I want you to tally up 2 things in your thread. Tally up all the negative things you've said about dad - stuff like that you guys never even really lived together, or that it would be bad for the kids mental health to spend more time with dad. Child support. His mum looked after the kid blah blah blah. Then tally up all the positive things you've said about yourself. You don't need to tell me the score - I know the ball park figures - lots of negative about dad and not a single positive.... Lots of positives about mum and not a single negative. Is dad useless and are you perfect? Hmmm. Maybe - you need to take a deep breath in and look at the world in a slightly different way. Again, my advice is well intentioned. I've spent some time here so be respectful. So lets look at the facts.

Fact - dad thought the kid was crook. Fact dad didn't spend any additional time with the kid. Clearly dad was well intentioned, he didn't do this because he is jealous or to avoid child support or any of all those negatives on that tally you made. He made a decision that morning because the kid was crook. That is all. How is your cuppa camomile tea going? As I’ve already stated, yep technically a breach of the orders BUT with an excuse that is acceptable to the courts. So has dad done anything wrong here? Nope.

So maybe you will sleep better and your hair wont go grey if you just learn to relax a little here. Oh and you owe me an apology for accusing me of being sexist. I'm not pro dad or anti-mum. Just a bloke who has earned his grey hair from life experience and is trying to impart some of what he has learned... Now go make another cuppa camomile tea and read the thing again because respectfully I really do think you need to relax a little. OR DONT and risk dying before you time of a stress related illness.
Peace

 

[Christina91b]

Fact: Dad doesn't make decisions these days in regards to our daughter - his partner does. She wears the pants. Hence why most of my comments say "they", he would've went to work at 5:30am. I never hear from dad about anything unless an argument does arise (Which they are the ones to always start them thanks, i avoid conflict) and i only see him when I invite them along to things. My opinion of him is based on the first 4-5 years before she came into the picture and yes he was an absolute idiot over the years and no, I'm not perfect - nobody is.. But I always do what's best for my child, always. He most likely doesn't care less what's going on and I think that's the main reason why the orders are no longer taken seriously.

In regards to my daughters medical.. "That each party immediately inform the other parent in the event that the child is involved in an accident, hospitalized or is seriously ill." So that was of no help as she was none of the above. I was informed of the "sickie" from his partner but that was hours after school had begun.

Also I have put alot of energy into having a civil relationship with the pair over the years, alot of people have questioned why I'm so friendly towards them - i do it for my daughter - not them. It has backfired. Giving into demands all the time has allowed them to think they can disobey the orders and walk all over my family and I. No matter what you do, effort you put in, no matter how much you avoid conflict/drama - it's not easy if you're co-parenting with people whom are never happy.

I really do not care for your threats that I'll get old/grey/wrinkly, it's inevitable and irrelevant to this conversation and I absolutely hate chamomille tea.

 

[Atticus]

The more you write, the more I agree with Sammy.... You need to lighten the hell up... the child was taken care of & the situation handled EXACTLY as it should have been... If this is an indication of what you consider a problem, then it says much about what these poor buggers have endured.

 

[Christina91b]

So pulling children out of school when they're faking being sick is okay? Okay. And I never said it's an issue. I enquired about what can I do if it BECOMES an issue.

 

[Christina91b]

In that case, your orders are clearer than many are. A lot of orders are vague about what to do and who has 'jurisdiction' when circumstances deviate from the usual routine. I would say that "Well I've done it in the past, why can't I now?" isn't likely to be taken as a valid excuse, especially if you've raised your displeasure with what he's done at the time he's done it.

Why don't you just speak to him, email him, text him etc, and tell him you weren't happy about the decision that was made and that in the past you've let it slide and in this instance you will let it slide too but "In future, as per the orders, I expect to be advised immediately if [daughter] is sick and may need to stay home from school on Mondays, so that I can take steps necessary for the care of her to be handed over at 9am as per the order. If you don't respect the orders and the handover time in future and this continues to be an issue, I may file a breach of the orders in court" or something to that effect. That way you've made your opinion known and warned him that you intend to enforce it if necessary. Ultimately, open communication and compromise between parents is the key.

Sorry I only just read this response. I think this is what I need for future reference, thankyou for your help.

 

[sammy01]

I really do wish you well. But you really don’t get it.


Yup - I noticed that you often refer to the other side as 'they'. A casual observation you also refer to 'my daughter' not our daughter. So she is your daughter right? Nope.... But what I'm getting at is how you write suggests that you're opinion of the dad is clouded.


Now I’m assuming step mum isn’t a doctor? Might have done a first aid course? So the kid was faking? Are you sure? NOPE you were not there. Maybe she was and step mum fell for it. A grown up had to make a call here. I wonder if the step mum took the kid to school and the kid faked it to the teacher and the school called you… I’m wondering, how would that pan out. I reckon you’d be onto dad for sending a sick kid to school. Poor bloke he can’t win here can he…


On a happy note – the kid faked being sick… Hmm. Isn’t it great that there is a stepmum on the scene. I’m wondering why the kid faked sick? So she could hang with step mum? Hmmm. Isn’t’ that nice, gee you must be so happy that the kid has such a strong connection to stepmum and dad has a good support network. It takes a community to raise a child…

Let me ask a question – did dad do this out of malice? I will answer. NO.


I didn't make a 'threat' that you will get old and wrinkly, I was using figurative language to invite you to consider your approach here.


So dad went to work, he wore pants, you really are a misandrist by the way he was up at 5.30am and for that work he pays child support no doubt??? HHMM. Step mum had to make a call and made a reasonable call.


BTW I am still the only punter here to provide you with any reputable / reliable / factual information about whether or not dad anything wrong

Here is another link to support what I'm saying:

Compliance with parenting orders - Family Court of Australia


The same source can inform you of what happens if it was to become a continual concern.... A magistrate would have to be satisfied on the 'balance of probability' that dad either has a reasonable excuse if this stuff were to continue to happen OR that dad was deliberately keeping the kid home from school and he had NO reasonable excuse for doing so.... But you would have to make that case to a magistrate... I've now provided you with factual accurate information supported by a reputable source to help you understand your situation.


I'm guessing you're too proud to apologise and too rude to say thankyou.

 

[Atticus]

So pulling children out of school when they're faking being sick is okay? Okay. And I never said it's an issue. I enquired about what can I do if it BECOMES an issue

So again, your use of words to describe what happened is exaggerated... If I've read your post correctly, the child was never 'pulled' from school, & who's to know for certain every time a kid is trying one on, ie, faking... So that's YOUR determination of what happened that morning despite not being there, based on how the kid was hours later when with you?... Yeah, I stick by my assessment

 

[Christina91b]

She pretends to be sick on a regular and it's really obvious, also uses the same excuse every time. I explained this to his partner of which she shut it down saying that she looked ill but with no fever. I said I'd make an appointment to the doctors and she refused saying they will do nothing. Upon arriving home my daughter was not sick at all. I conversed with her later on and asked if she was pretending that morning - to which she said she didn't feel like going to school because she hates it. Which I already knew, as she tries it with me all the time but I know it's best to send her. There is a huge difference when she's pretending and when she's actually sick. It seems you both think I'm trying to big note the situation to take it to court? No. I would just like for them to not extend their weekend time for no reason at the expense of her education. If court does happen in the future, it will not be for this reason at hand.

 

[Christina91b]

Anyways, as stated above i've thanked GlassHalfFull for the one answer of which has helped for future reference, IF it becomes an issue.

As for the other two, neither of you know me, nor my ex and his partner or our past - so you can't actually judge.

And I know very little of you both also, so I will only apologise to Sammy01 for being judgemental in return, though i must say you are a jerk with how you go about things and come across as someone who feels the need to stick up for dad's alone. Not every dad out there is perfectly innocent and not every mum out there is evil. Every situation is different. Goodbye.