NSW Visitation hours / school

[Christina91b]

Hi i'm full time carer of a 6 year old girl. There's a court ordered parental plan in place. Her dad has visitation Friday school pick up - Monday morning school drop off.

Today (Monday) his partner kept her home from school. My daughter told her she felt like vomiting. I suggested I'd make an appointment for the doctors to which she responded that they won't do anything and she'll drop her home this afternoon.

Shouldn't they have brought her home to me if Monday 9am onwards isn't part of their visitation schedule? My daughter is forever making excuses to get out of school and I was told she has no fever.

I fear this could become a regular occurance if they believe they can keep her home whenever they'd like following their weekend.

 

[sammy01]

It is a one off right?
Sorry, seems like they thought the kid was to crook for school and made and adult decision based on that info.

 

[GlassHalfFull]

It's a tricky one. Technically if it was the OP's day with the children, then they (ex and partner) should have done everything they could to ensure that the mother could take over the responsibility for the sick child on Monday morning - in other words, communicated about the illness with her and she could have picked her daughter up and made the decision about whether she was too ill to go to school or not. She could then have taken the day off work to look after her daughter (if need be - wasn't sure if full time carer meant stay at home mum?). It's probably not the ex's partner's right to decide whether to keep the girl at their home for an extra day or not, unless she was literally too ill to be transported from the ex's home to hers. After all, generally speaking, it's assumed that both parents are equally capable of looking after a sick child and illness isn't usually a reason to withhold scheduled contact.

But you're right Sammy, it's probably not worth worrying about unless it becomes a regular occurrence. What matters most is that the child is cared for properly and both parents don't create unnecessary conflict over it. An argument could be made that make up time should be offered, but given that it's a once off and the father only has the child for the weekend and the OP has the child throughout the week, it's probably just not a significant enough issue to worry too much about. My two cents.

 

[Tremaine]

What are we talking about here, a period of six hours?

Pick your battles.

 

[Christina91b]

What are we talking about here, a period of six hours?

Pick your battles.

Only the once - so far, though due to many other issues arising this past year due to spite, it's worrying me that they will continue to do this if they think it's an exemption to further lengthen their weekend time. When she came back home -she went and jumped on the trampoline, ate her food without hesitation, played with her brother, was 100% her normal self. Not sick at all. Knowing the type of people they are - I do think this will become a regular problem with many days of school missed. Hence why I asked if in future reference am i able to use the visitation times they've been scheduled (Friday school ending to the Monday school commencing) in the court orders to say it's not okay to keep her home on the Monday.

They have breached many of the orders in the past 12 months and I'm unsure if this is another one to add to the list (if it were to become regular.)

 

[sammy01]

It takes two to tango. I never blindly accept what one person writes on this site. The kid was sick - dad went to work leaving kid with step-mum.... Kid either faked illness or got better.

Here is an idea - talk to the ex - ask for there to be a plan about what happens if the kid is sick. So for example my nutter, oops I mean ex got angry once because I picked up a sick kid from school. She didn't answer her phone so the school called me. I left a message on the ex's phone saying I was taking sick kid home to my place. Does the ex call me? nope calls the cops, wants me arrested for breaching court orders... STUPIDITY.

Christina - this is stupidity. The parent who had custody of the kid at the time made a call. I'm sorry, but I think this is a case where the 'primary carer' feels that somehow the 'primary carer' knows best.

Get back to us once it has happened every Monday for 3 months.....

 

[GlassHalfFull]

Yeah, sometimes it does seem like one or both sides of the parenting actually create more problems and tensions by always sticking up for 'their side' instead of just trying to do what's best for the children, which usually tends to be de-escalating situations and making the co-parenting as painless and friendly as it can possibly be. Now, in saying that, I totally accept that in some situations, the other party is so unwilling to consider you a valid and valuable parent to the children (and I consider myself a victim of that situation although feel free not to believe me!) that it's impossible to avoid escalations. In that case, all you can do is stick to your guns and expect that the court orders be followed blindly.

I just think that in the majority of cases, a bit of give and take is probably the best option, along with actually communicating calmly with your ex. Court seems to bring out the most cynical, selfish behaviour in people and it's sad, but I get it. Sometimes talking about things openly, especially when it means admitting when you haven't been the perfect parent gives the other party ammunition in the courts, and it shuts down open communication... That's my experience anyway.

 

[Christina91b]

I for one always do what's in the best interest of our daughter, they do not. I'm flexible and give extra time so she never misses important events - if I even dare ask for an hour of theirs they say no (without a reason). He is technically not an ex as we dated for only one month many years ago, there shouldn't even be spite but for some unknown reason their is, I think because I have her more overall they treat me like I owe them the world. I do everything I can to have a civil relationship so that our daughter doesn't suffer, they throw it back in my face all the time. The mother isn't always some evil woman who uses their child against the father, I have never done so - all I ever hope is that the court orders be obeyed as it prevents unnecessary conflict and I asked for help on this topic as this is something I am still unsure about. I just don't want it leading to her missing school all the time, that is not in her best interest at all - they have already pulled her out early on Fridays many times throughout the year of which I only ever find out through school report absences.

 

[Christina91b]

Also we spent 2 years in and out of court and the orders have been finalised for years. They have worked great up until this year - I'm currently facing the fact that they've begun to make their own rules and ignore the orders by choosing to disobey them frequently and i think it's because there are no longer hearrings scheduled. It's quite frustrating.

 

[sammy01]

You asked about the kid being left with step mum because kid was sick in their opinion. So dad didn't even get any additional time here. I see no issue here other than they didn't follow your instructions.

Read your posts again. From here it look like u are of the opinion that u are awesome and the other parent is crap. Maybe u are wrong.

So the orders are a few yrs old? Obviously so is the kid. Why not offer 50/50 care? Or 5/6 a fortnight. Not just every second weekend? Go on dare ya

But an adult who is present with the child makes the call. I think what these adults did makes perfect sense. I really have no idea why u have an issue with it.