NSW Partner's Ex Refusing Visitation until Consent Orders are in Place?

[AllForHer]

An unfortunate outcome, but we can't control the actions of others, so the court may be the best path.

The courts have a closure period over Christmas, but I would not wait too long into the New Year before commencing proceedings. If you want to keep your fees as low as possible, I recommend self-representing at least until final hearing (if it even gets to that point). I also recommend speaking to Legal Aid, even if it's just for a one-hour consultation, so they can give you some advice and direction. In our case, we had just one appointment with Legal Aid, but it made a significant difference to the scope and direction of our case - they looked at our minute of orders and affidavit and gave advice and guidance on processes we had to follow.

If you haven't seen the child in a year, the court will make interim orders for the child to spend time and communicate with the father, even if it's supervised, which is better than nothing.

You should also definitely attempt to spend time with the child over Christmas/New Years. Remember to keep it assertive - Hi, I'm in [suburb] to spend time with family for Christmas this year, I thought it would be nice if I could give [child] her presents directly. If she is free for a few hours over lunch time on either [day] or [day], I would like to take her for lunch. Otherwise, an overnight stay would also be great so she can see her family. Let me know if this is workable, thank you.

Or something to that effect. Don't mention that you're going to pursue orders through court - you don't know what will be said to the child and it will likely incense the mother at a time when you want the child to enjoy her Christmas as much as possible.

That's just my suggestion, anyway.

 

[speck1]

Bloody terrible parenting by the mother. I feel for you and we are in the same boat. Have to apply for interim orders, been quoted $1500 from lawyers who say we won't get hearing until late Feb.
We are actually thinking of organising my sister to see the child for a few hours, then rocking up and taking her to live with us.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Thanks @AllForHer

We certainly want to get proceedings underway as soon as possible into the new year.

I guess the thing that scares my partner the most is time spent away from work to go to court itself represents as he doesn't have any leave entitlement for that time he would be away, so the income lost might almost be the same as him just having a lawyer represent him. We're not sure.

Yes, the message to his ex will definitely be respectful but direct and transparent. We probably won't mention any presents as any time a mention or whisper of gifts to his daughter is taken out of context by the mother as somehow buying the daughter's love. She's very sensitive when it comes to money and materialistic things. We'll probably say similar to what you suggested around saying we're here for the Christmas and New Year, so could we pick her up somewhere convenient to the mother so the daughter can spend time with her family for the day or even overnight. It doesn't have to be Christmas or New Years as any day would do so we could see her.

We don't plan on communicating with the mother at all other than attempting to speak with or see the daughter so orders won't be mentioned at all.

@speck1 it is certainly very disappointing for us considering the length of time that has gone by with no progress at all. Unfortunately, we can't do anything about it. We are just biding our time until court so we can show we have done everything in our power to do the right thing and she has not.

 

[speck1]

And you will get interim orders which she will not follow.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Gosh I would hope she follows them! Surely as they're enforced by law she wouldn't be silly enough to go against them as it would just make her situation worse

 

[sammy01]

Yep, I think Speck is right. Some people continue to contravene court orders, forcing the other parent to choose between more court, or to give up. How many times do you go back to court and have nothing change before you give in...

I read speck (I think) mention just picking up the child. Bad idea... Sadly the system will punish that faster than it will punish a parent who continues to withhold the kids IMO.

 

[speck1]

You say punish me, Sammy. How so?
I'd be happy with just one day a month at the moment.

 

[AllForHer]

In my experience, interim orders were followed religiously by the other parent because she didn't want to do anything that would anger a judge who had already given her a good dressing down in all preceding mentions. Court is serious business when it gets to trial, and it only gets to trial if one of the parties is a determined troublemaker. You may think you're in that situation, but the cost and the fear of having all their behaviours put under scrutiny by the court is quite often a good motivator for a difficult party to negotiate an outcome by consent.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Agreed @AllForHer

My partner messaged his ex this afternoon and asked how she was going with the paperwork to which she replied that he was getting annoying now and that he should wait to hear from his lawyers.

She's said that to him previously, but nothing has come of it so we ended up ringing them to see whether she had been in contact. She spoke with a PA and explained she's been having trouble with the Internet and being able to sign documents to send back. The PA obviously advised that she could go to a library or a friends house and the signing wasn't required at this stage because we're only at the point where she needs to fill in some information, agree, and send it back! She refuses to listen, though. We've even told her this ourselves and she has said she will find out for herself what she needs to do so she's been very stubborn.

Anyway, we know full well she's had no trouble with the Internet as she has access to Facebook so we can't see how she can't just reply to an email but she seems to be avoiding actually saying the words "I agree".go for our trip back home and we will decide if we want to message her about seeing my partner's daughter. Our lawyer said to give her time to agree to the consent order before attempting to negotiate as it may make her already temperamental attitude even more so.

Oh if only to be simple!!

 

[sammy01]

speck, you pick up your kid from school you could cause the ex to get even more agro. Have a look at the last poster's situation.... Simply asking about the paperwork is cause to be revoked with being told that he was getting annoying. Abraham Lincoln said something like, "Anyone can overcome adversity If you want to test the character of a person give them power".

You take your kid from school, you could face the police looking for you, an avo and a whole lot of grief and ammunition for the ex to use against you in family law to show that she has been justified in withholding the kid because of your erratic behaviour. I know, I know... Mate, I've had to deal with this little piece of dialogue between me and my ex....

Her: I don't have a problem with you having a little bit more time with the kids sometimes...
Me: What, when it suits you and only if I've been a good boy and done what you want.
Her: Now, you're starting to understand...

Sadly, the law does a reasonable job to sort this sort of stuff so one person doesn't have more power than the other. Hence, the term shared parental responsibility... What the law has not been able to do is make a nasty vindictive and manipulative person stop being nasty, vindictive and manipulative.