NSW Partner's Ex Refusing Visitation until Consent Orders are in Place?

[speck1]

The police may come looking for me?

Yes because I am male.

My ex- drove 4 hrs, took the child from my house 2 years ago and drove another 5 hours to Adelaide.
I called the police, they said, "um, is there any court orders"?

I said no.

"Um, ahhh, we can't do anything, then"

But if I do the same?

I'm gone

 

[sammy01]

Mate, I'm with you - I went to the doctor with bruises and in tears because of the abuse. I got offered a referral for marriage counselling, not a referral to the cops an AVO...

Yep, we can whinge about the inconsistencies about the system. But it won't get either of us very far.... And I actually think the system ain't that bad. The problem is when people like your ex and mine use the system to get an advantage in family law. If you take your kid, I'd be concerned you're giving her case a boost.

The best piece of advice I received was that I had to do whatever it takes to get the maximum amount of time with my kids and the best way to play that is to learn how the system works and play along. I do think that taking your kid without court orders is not a good strategic move if your long term goal is getting to see your kid as often as possible...

 

[AllForHer]

Well, the police won't do anything if you take the child because there are no orders, but just as you could have applied for a recovery order two years ago, she can apply for one now.

It's not about that, though. It's about not using the child as the ball in a bad game of ping-pong when there is a parenting dispute afoot.

You want to be seen by the court as the sensible parent, the one who follows all the right courses of action instead of executing vigilante justice at the expense of your offspring. Leave that kind of bad behaviour to the mother, let her have that title, let the court judge her for it, not you.

 

[speck1]

No, I could have got a recovery order...I wasn't the primary carer, I had her 4 days and the ex had her 10 days. One weekend she lost it and decided to drive to Adelaide and picked her up and snatched her on the way.

Sammy-I don't want maximum time because that is not in the best interests of the child due to now 3 hrs travel. We think every third weekend is best for child and 1/2 hols.

I think if I go and take the child and it eventually ends up in court, the judge will still give me something...which is more than I am getting now!

The system is a joke...I am still waiting for access for 12 months on.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

So true @sammy01 No-one can change a person but themselves.

We've had progress today which is hard to believe. Our lawyers have called my partner's ex and asked for the information they needed rather than waiting for her to get back to them. Ideally we wanted everything in writing but with it all dragging out for as long as it had, and her excuses of Internet difficulties, our lawyers did the right thing. So now we have paid more money but will hopefully now have the ball rolling to get the orders sent out for official signing and then they can be taken to court to be finalised! Obviously none of this will happen before the new year as I envisage the ex will take her time finding a JP to witness her sign and then post it all back but at least we are one step further in the right direction.

Fingers crossed it all works out in time for the next school holidays and before then we can finally speak to my partner's daughter to start mending what was broken by the ex.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Oh my gosh, give us strength! The ex has now texted my partner this morning (I haven't read the messages yet, but he's vaguely told me while he's at work) saying all sorts of accusatory/negative things towards him because she hasn't received her expected child support.

My partner had been out of work for almost three weeks and has only just taken up temporary work to keep us afloat until after Christmas even though he'll be out of work again for two weeks during the shutdown period. She's saying he's in debt and never pays, she's trying to get her life on track, she doesn't want child support from him but needs it right now, she is looking for a job, his parents never want anything to do with his daughter. It goes on and on.

This coming just as our lawyers were going to send out the consent order in the mail for signing. I think we all know she will procrastinate on this now because we haven't been able to give her the child support she wanted. My partner called child support immediately and sorted it out as best he could, but she even accused him of not calling them at all, not releasing the time differences because of daylight savings. He also didn't even bother mentioning that his parents haven't tried to see his daughter because his ex has never given any indication she would allow it considering she wouldn't even allow phone calls between him and his daughter. Seems like this has tipped her off the edge again.

It's amazing how much of a rollercoaster this is, and how all of a sudden we're the worst people in the world for struggling with finances which has in turn affected her but only temporarily. She gets a higher family tax benefit anyway if her child support goes down.

Watch this space as it looks like it could get a lot worse from here. Sigh! Who knows what 2016 will bring. Maybe we will have to go to court or maybe not. It's just so difficult when you think you've made progress. And so hurtful when you see your partner hasn't done anything wrong.

 

[AllForHer]

Keep the child support matter separate from the parenting orders matter, and don't let the conversations roll together.

The Child Support Agency can take care of the child support issue, so let them do the talking. If you can manage it, try and do all payments through the CSA, as well, rather than private collect, because it's one less thing to argue about.

Keep moving forward with the consent orders. Don't let up on that just because she's having financial issues.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Yes exactly. The unfortunate thing is that my partner's ex is meshing the two together all the time as she is only ever concerned about money whenever she communicates with him.

We will make sure to keep persisting with the orders though. Leave it up to her to put her foot in it. She can't look good being this aggressive.

Thanks @AllForHer

 

[speck1]

More access she gets, more money he has to pay. System is a joke.

I pay more and more when I don't even bloody see the kid, no wonder I can't afford court.

It's a joke

 

[Hpflstpmum]

I do agree that child support calculations are definitely a bit off but sadly we can't do anything about it if we want to do the right thing in a legal sense