NSW Partner's Ex Refusing Visitation until Consent Orders are in Place?

[sammy01]

Here is a way to save lots of money. Self-represent up to the point where you walk into a court. That is what I understand your ex has done. You send letters and they cost you money for the solicitor to write and she ignores it.

Quick story. My ex had legal aid. I was paying big money, but when my ex lost her legal aid grant and had to start paying her own bills, her attitude changed. At present, you're paying solicitors, but if I am right, she isn't. So what is her motivation to sort this? Once it starts costing her money, watch her attitude change. How to make that happen? Apply to court.

So file for court. I'm willing to bet once she is given a court attendance, notice her attitude will change. I'm willing to bet that when the nutter you're dealing with has to decide between letting the magistrate tell here what to do vs. making an agreement - she'll choose the latter.

I really feel for you guys, I really do. I didn't see my kids for about 6 months but I fought hard. My kids now live with me. Once the ex had all the power taken away from her, she wasn't interested in the kids. She could no longer use them to hurt me, and I reckon your nutter is very similar. I hope this happens for you. BUT it will only happen once you make her feel stressed. Your poor bloke has felt horrible stress for way too long. Poor bastard just wants to see his kid. So instead of playing nice with the twit who is stopping him seeing his kid, play hard - fight. Sorry but if anyone ever stepped between me and my kids I'd not be polite about how I manage that situation.

One more thing. You want orders where you pick the kid up from school and fly her to you place and the ex picks her up from the nearest airport to her home. Why? You could go through all this crap and at the end of it see her withholding the kid.

Trust me, nothing more devastating than waiting at the agreed change over location with 20 ciggie buts at your feet while you wait for someone to show while realising that she ain't coming and you're not gonna see the kid. But if you pick the kid up from school then it will make it a little bit harder for her to withhold.

So, self-rep, get to court. Let's hope she doesn't get a solicitor, so it will be you vs her in self-representing. I actually wish that family law would exclude solicitors where ever possible. Magistrates are pretty smart so let them work it out without average folk having to find a lazy $100 000...

Sorry rant over. But, gee, I needed that.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

@sammy01 You're so right. I think I'll definitely have to suggest that to my partner and see how he goes. I'll have to start my research on how to lodge an application to court.

I 100% agree with you on the idea that the ex will change her tune when she is fronted with a letter saying she's to go to court. She pretty much panicked the first time our lawyers sent her an email saying if we didn't hear from her after a response to one of their emails, court would be happening. She asked my partner to call her and she said to get his lawyers to "back off" and she was doing what she could although she wasn't eligible for legal aid and she even agreed she wanted their daughter to see him but she must have just been in a good mood at the time. Her manner changes whenever she's around her on again off again boyfriend. He's a piece of work.

Anyway, I also am so relieved you mentioned the idea of the pickup and drop off! Fabulous. We will have to see if we can change that. Yet another setback but at this stage, it's no different to where we stand now.

Things would be so much easier if my partner's daughter lived with us. We wouldn't have all this crap going on and we wouldn't be so difficult to deal with. I see no other reason why she's being like this other than her hatred towards my partner and her huge immaturity.

 

[sammy01]

Nope, she wasn't 'in a good mood at the time'. She worked out that being a little bit nice was the best strategy to get you off her case. And it worked.

Here is a link to the family law site with info on how to make an application.
Application in a Case - Family Court of Australia

A letter from solicitor saying sign the consent orders by XX or you will apply to court, might be a last ditch effort

 

[Hpflstpmum]

You're right. She has definitely taken advantage one too many times.

I think I'll ask if my partner is willing to get his lawyers to send a letter as you say, one more time, and then that's it.

Thank you for the link. I better start getting my research cap on I guess!

 

[sammy01]

Hey, if you've already sent an ultimatum letter, then save your money. Hopefully, the court application letter might motivate a response.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

That ultimatum letter was quite a while back now and we progressed slightly (albeit very small) when we did, so I'd say another wouldn't hurt. At least we know where we stand if we get nothing back.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Finally, we received a response via our lawyers from the ex regarding the consent orders.
Here is a brief summary:

- said she doesn't have money to call or text so she is emailing
- said she hasn't got a lawyer but has had legal advice from different lawyers
- said she had been involved in a custody dispute where child/children hadn't seen their dad in 11 months (it's her current partner who has two of four children to one woman and other two to another woman) and compared this to the situation with my partner where he hasn't seen his daughter in about 15 months. She said the magistrate of that case refused visitation for that father until a psychologist assessed the child/children
- said she wants a psychologist assessment to be paid for by my partner that she organises herself in multiple sessions to see how much him leaving QLD has affected his daughter and how she isn't coping
- said she has paid for psychologist appointments but can't afford it anymore
- said the daughter has been suspended from school and has behavioural issues because of him leaving
- said she agreed as soon as my partner said he was moving to NSW that he could see his daughter but a court order needed to be granted first so she knew she would get her back
- said my partner advised he would get it done and paperwork sent to her but he took 5 months to get legal advice
- said their daughter is very much disturbed and even moving house has made her unstable and that she believes her coming to see us would make it worse
- said she wants a response from us via our lawyers before the 7th of Feb
- said all of a sudden after not seeing his daughter for 3-4 months he then wants to see her again
- then sent another email about ten minutes later saying she wanted to know why a paternity test was done behind her back to see if it was his daughter and that he told his daughter to lie about it
- said also wants an assessment of their daughter because of when their daughter was 4 he dragged her down the stairs because she wouldn't sleep and she witnessed abuse toward her by my partner

So! As you can imagine, we're gobsmacked, to say the least. She is just firing at whatever she can to prevent us from seeing his daughter.

Firstly it didn't take is 5 months. We met up with the lawyer and it then subsequently took us 5 months to save up $3000 to pay the lawyers to draw up the consent order that she later didn't agree to and had to be redone on her terms which again after trying to negotiate were rejected and so on and so forth.

To be honest I'm glad she has brought up the assessment of their daughter because we also agree that she isn't coping and although in the email to our lawyers she portrays it as if it's all my partner's fault, it's not and hopefully, the psychologist will be able to see that if/when it comes to that in court.

The fact she is playing the abuse card seems desperate to me. My partner has said they certainly did have a toxic relationship but it went both ways. I've said it shouldn't be relevant if it occurred when they were still together and has nothing to do with him as a father. The fact she is saying he dragged their daughter downstairs... We actually had her bring that up in a phone call back when we were allowed to talk to her and she said "mummy said you did this" so she has clearly drilled this piece of information into her head. I'll have to make sure we have that conversation written down in our book from when we used to speak to her.

Our lawyers have said it's probably advisable not to reply and to proceed with the court but they need money in their trust account to continue obviously.

Man this is going to be messy... I can see it now. The ex will make this so very painful. I just hope that once she gets papers saying she is going to court that she will backtrack as she will be self-representing and will be too scared. Who knows. She is seriously trying to play dirty.

Someone give me strength! Haha.

 

[AllForHer]

- said the daughter has been suspended from school and has behavioural issues because of him leaving
- said their daughter is very much disturbed and even moving house has made her unstable and that she believes her coming to see us would make it worse

So, she's worse because she hasn't seen him, and also, seeing him would make it worse.

The mother has no insight about the child's needs and is not encouraging the child's relationship with the father. Plain and simple. Go to court.

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Exactly! That's what we said to each other. She's saying their daughter needs to have that relationship but clearly isn't seeing that by saying all these things, she's proving it.

Gosh when we go to court, we are definitely doing the parenting course!

 

[Hpflstpmum]

Does anyone have any experience or knowledge around initiating court proceedings as a matter of urgency whole dispensing the section 60I certificate?

Because of the ex's fluffing around with the consent orders, our certificate obtained from mediation has now expired. To add to the mix, the ex has now emailed twice and called once to our lawyers saying she doesn't intend not to allow visitation but wants a psychologist assessment done first, so her tune has changed since we didn't respond to all her allegations.

Our lawyers have drafted a letter which will be sent Monday to her in the hopes that she will continue to panic and sign the consent order but definitely not counting our chickens before they hatch.
We are currently still getting all the information together for court proceedings regardless but having this spanner in the works about the certificate is making everything bloody hard.

We don't want to take her to mediation for a third time as that's more time gone by without seeing my partner's daughter but taking the chance to apply in court without the certificate means we're blowing money on something that might not get accepted and then we have to go through mediation anyway.