NSW Mother Attempts to Discredit Father - Family Court?

[Alert]

The child is about to turn 9.

I think the solicitors advice was good in normal circumstances also, however, this is not normal circumstances, and she lacked that foresight, which the father now is suffering for.

The mother took herself on multiple month long holidays multiple times per year for several years and then moved into the city leaving the child with his father for approx 18 months, visiting when she felt like it, which was rarely.

We definitely have concerns for the child when with the mother. She sends him to school without lunch which was bought to our attention by his teacher. She is violent towards her partners, who change more often than some people change their underwear. I suspect she suffers from muchausins (sp?), constantly making up illnesses for her and her children, once telling family members and the father that the child had been diagnosed with cancer, because a skin specialist wanted to keep an eye on 2 moles on the childs face. She is more of a nutter than I can even explain.

The solicitor is aware of all of this, but still insists property be dealt with first. It is a sizeable property settlement,

I understand at the time the interim orders were made the father accepted 50/50 shared custody but since then her behaviour has become much more volatile and violent, having another 2 assault charges against her.

What do you expect the sentence may be for this? Breach of section 10 good behaviour with back to back assault charges? She will use the fact she has a newborn baby for leniency.

Philly can I suggest you get a children’s lawyer.
I’m not sure if your solicitor needs to file for this or your barrister can ask when the father is in court.

I think your solicitor needs to file for a children’s lawyer.

I’m surprised this has not been suggested to you?

I believe this is free, as this is for the boy and he doesn’t earn a wage.

Please ask Philly, this will change dramatically, please, please ask.

A children’s lawyer is needed in this.

 

[Alert]

ok sending a kid to school without lunch - bad parenting... SURE. Indication of abuse? maybe. But the kid is going to school.

Nope - she is not more of a nutter than you can explain... Trust me... My ex almost had me convinced I had to transfer a few grand to her so she could book in for a kid to have an operation. Nope, not true... Not even close.

As far as the assault charges. Look if she gets a custodial sentence, get back to us. But you cant work with IF's..

I'm guessing the 'sizeable property settlement' is all his? Were they married? how long did they live together?

Crazy idea - offer her $50k property settlement as cash and alternate weekends / half holidays with the child. Do you know, does she have legal aid? See my thinking is you guys have already blown a huge wad of cash on solicitors and you've gotten no-where. You could easily spend another huge wad of cash on this sucker.

Giving her $50k could be cheaper than giving that to the solicitors to fight this through. Just a thought

Philly, you said the mother was ordered to see a psych.

This is enough for the father to stop visitation between the mother and boy, as the father is concerned for his boy's welfare.

The mother left right? Then her contact was sporadic?

Did your solicitor ask for this order or did the judge make the order?

 

[Alert]

The child is about to turn 9.

I think the solicitors advice was good in normal circumstances also, however, this is not normal circumstances, and she lacked that foresight, which the father now is suffering for.

The mother took herself on multiple month long holidays multiple times per year for several years and then moved into the city leaving the child with his father for approx 18 months, visiting when she felt like it, which was rarely.

We definitely have concerns for the child when with the mother. She sends him to school without lunch which was bought to our attention by his teacher. She is violent towards her partners, who change more often than some people change their underwear. I suspect she suffers from muchausins (sp?), constantly making up illnesses for her and her children, once telling family members and the father that the child had been diagnosed with cancer, because a skin specialist wanted to keep an eye on 2 moles on the childs face. She is more of a nutter than I can even explain.

The solicitor is aware of all of this, but still insists property be dealt with first. It is a sizeable property settlement,

I understand at the time the interim orders were made the father accepted 50/50 shared custody but since then her behaviour has become much more volatile and violent, having another 2 assault charges against her.

What do you expect the sentence may be for this? Breach of section 10 good behaviour with back to back assault charges? She will use the fact she has a newborn baby for leniency.

Philly, the father needs to speak with the teachers at his sons school and tell them about his concern for his boy.

The teachers will notice the boys behaviour when he is at his mothers and at his fathers. This will give you a good indication how one parent is different to the other.

Does the boy see a social worker at school or is a social worker available for him at school to see. If they believe any neglect it is to be reported.

If any teacher believes a child’s welfare is in danger or neglect, the teacher needs to report this, it’s a legal requirement for a teacher.

Any clubs the boy might attend the father needs to tell them of his concerns.

Philly please don’t discredit anything I’m saying. I know this, I’ve been through this.

Good luck

 

[Alert]

ok sending a kid to school without lunch - bad parenting... SURE. Indication of abuse? maybe. But the kid is going to school.

Nope - she is not more of a nutter than you can explain... Trust me... My ex almost had me convinced I had to transfer a few grand to her so she could book in for a kid to have an operation. Nope, not true... Not even close.

As far as the assault charges. Look if she gets a custodial sentence, get back to us. But you cant work with IF's..

I'm guessing the 'sizeable property settlement' is all his? Were they married? how long did they live together?

Crazy idea - offer her $50k property settlement as cash and alternate weekends / half holidays with the child. Do you know, does she have legal aid? See my thinking is you guys have already blown a huge wad of cash on solicitors and you've gotten no-where. You could easily spend another huge wad of cash on this sucker.

Giving her $50k could be cheaper than giving that to the solicitors to fight this through. Just a thought

Philly, the father needs to speak with the teachers at his sons school and tell them about his concern for his boy.

The teachers will notice the boys behaviour when he is at his mothers and at his fathers. This will give you a good indication how one parent is different to the other.

Does the boy see a social worker at school or is a social worker available for him at school to see. If they believe any neglect it is to be reported.

If any teacher believes a child’s welfare is in danger or neglect, the teacher needs to report this, it’s a legal requirement for a teacher.

Any clubs the boy might attend the father needs to tell them of his concerns.

Philly please don’t discredit anything I’m saying. I know this, I’ve been through this.

Good luck

Sammy01, did it ever cross your mind the mother is only seeing her son because she wants more from the property settlement and having her son this can be achieved. The mother did say she was going for more custody, more custody, ding ding $$$$.

Philly and fathers son need to put all their energy into all the negative outcomes for the boy if the mother continues to see him.

I don’t know why you have not mentioned a children’s lawyer to Philly, you did mention, best interest etc etc.

Was a children’s lawyer involved when you went through family court??

I believe not, as they only have the children’s best interest etc etc

 

[Alert]

HHmm, I'd reather push my ex off the cliff....

Sadly, what you're seeking isn't gonna happen.... (happy to be proven wrong) - If supervised visits were warranted, then you need to be able to make the case that the kid is in harms way if at mum's home overnight. The fact that you've agreed to 50/50 indicates that isn't the case. Same deal with sole parental responsibility. Ain't gonna happen. You can't agree to 50/50 and then argue that the mother needs supervision.

So let be back pedal, I think the solicitor's advice was good, in normal circumstances, but solicitor didn't realise what he's dealing with.

Are you in rural NSW or in a city. 30km is Bondi beach to Paramatta which would take 1/1/2 hours or more in peak hour, but 20 min in the country.

HOW OLD IS THE CHILD?
How long did the child live with dad 100% of the time?
Do you have genuine concerns for the welfare of the kid while with mum?

Sammy01, I believe some of your opinions are not worthy, such as supervised visits.
Circumstances can and do change even if one thing was agreed upon earlier, a lot can change in 18mths.

You can’t honestly say it’s too late for that because the mother was given 50/50. That is very disappointing to hear you say ‘it’s ain't gonna happen’, every situation is different.
The mother has not seen a psych and when she does this can change the circumstances, a child rep has not been involved and this can change circumstances.
I believe your opinion is wrong, totally wrong.
You are making comments that you have no idea about unless you have a crystal ball.

Everyone is free to their own opinion, you are saying this a fact.

 

[Alert]

Sorry, I wasn't sure after i'd posted if i'd covered everything.

Look I understand a lot of people would feel this way about their ex, but ideally the father would like her to fall off a cliff, however final orders the father will be seeking would be full parental responsibility, full custody with fortnightly supervised visitation with the mother.

I understand he would need to present a fairly good argument for this to be granted.

It may be that he would accept full parental responsibility, full time care with the mother receiving visitation every second weekend and half of school holidays.

Philly, I have to say, some of what you are being told, so called ‘fact’ from Sammy01 is not ‘fact’ as stated in the posts.

1. ‘It ain’t gonna happen’, that is an incorrect ‘fact’.

2. This is an Interim Order, Final Orders have not been made, until then anything can happen, the Interim Order is like L plates and Final Order is like you have your P plates, after this circumstances can change.

3. While this is the Interim Orders, demand the psych evaluation, demand for the ICL. Get as much evidence you can to help build the case for the Final Hearing.

4. Get school reports, if favourable for fathers son. They should have his behaviour noted.

5. Get all text messages and write down other conversations between the mother.

6. Keep notes on everything, you may not feel it is important at the time, it could be important later.

7. The father needs to put all his energy into this until the Final Hearing, I would not only rely on the representation you have.

8. The mother wants full custody only for the property settlement. Materialistic items are much more important than their own children, she is psychotic and that is how they tick.

I have read Sammy01 posts and sent a post to Sammy01 saying that some of what is written is not worthy and disappointing.

I strongly believe Sammy01 so-called ‘facts’ will leave you disheartened. Each case is different.

Because the father did agree on 50/50, this will not affect him asking for full custody.

You can take what I say or leave it, I will not be offended, I know this is a stressful situation. I just need to say, I would not take what Sammy01 says as ‘Fact’.

Good luck Philly, I can see you are doing everything you possibly can for the young boy. You will make a huge impact on his life, don’t give up.

 

[Philly2020]

Philly, I have to say, some of what you are being told, so called ‘fact’ from Sammy01 is not ‘fact’ as stated in the posts.

1. ‘It ain’t gonna happen’, that is an incorrect ‘fact’.

2. This is an Interim Order, Final Orders have not been made, until then anything can happen, the Interim Order is like L plates and Final Order is like you have your P plates, after this circumstances can change.

3. While this is the Interim Orders, DEMAND THE PSYCH EVALUATION, DEMAND FOR THE ICL. Get as much evidence you can to help build the case for the Final Hearing.

4. Get school reports, if favourable for fathers son. They should have his behaviour noted.

5. Get all txt messages and write down other conversations between the mother.

6. Keep notes on everything, you may not feel it is important at the time, it could be important later.

7. The father needs to put all his energy into this until the Final Hearing, I would not only rely on the representation you have.

8. The mother wants full custody only for the property settlement.
Materialistic items are much more important than their own children, she is psychotic and that is how they tick.

I have read Sammy01 posts and sent a post to Sammy01 saying that some of what is written is not worthy and disappointing.

I strongly believe Sammy01 so called ‘facts’ will leave you disheartened. Each case is different.

Because the father did agree on 50/50, this will NOT effect him asking for full custody.

You can take what I say or leave it, I will not be offended, I know this is a stressful situation. I just need to say, I would NOT take what Sammy01 says as ‘FACT’.

Good luck Philly, I can see you are doing everything you possibly can for the young boy. You will make a huge impact on his life, don’t give up.

Alert, I am almost convinced you are somehow connected to this situation, you totally get it.

Sammy01, your opinion has been noted and honestly appreciated. Having someone play devil's advocate is always helpful.

Alert, you are spot on. And all of your suggestions are being practised.

sammy01, your suggestion of Fokker 50k to settle won't work. The father has offered 850k settlement and it won't work. As I said this is a sizeable property settlement.

I do believe we are doing the right thing, I have been as honest as I can, and I appreciate each and all of your opinion. We document everything.

 

[Philly2020]

Philly can I suggest you get a children’s lawyer.
I’m not sure if your solicitor needs to file for this or your barrister can ask when the father is in court.

I think your solicitor needs to file for a children’s lawyer.

I’m surprised this has not been suggested to you?

I believe this is free, as this is for the boy and he doesn’t earn a wage.

Please ask Philly, this will change dramatically, please, please ask.

A children’s lawyer is needed in this.

As I mentioned, no child matters have been addressed for some time. I understand it is usual practice for custody to be addressed first, however that is not the case with this matter and property is being addressed first... a large asset pool. The mother was offered $850k cash to walk away, and declined. An ICL is at the top of the father's requests when child matters are finally addressed.

The assets have been obtained off of the father's hard work but the mother ensured it was kept in both names, despite the fact she had a little contribution. She cannot show in any way shape or from any physical or financial contribution. It is what it is, the father accepts this and has offered a 50/50 split.

The main concern for the father is the child. You are correct with your suggestion the mother see's the child as a financial asset. we suspect that after property settlement she may lose interest again in the child, however as a narcissist, she is able to use the child to assert some authority of which she receives gratification, so who knows?

 

[Philly2020]

Hi Philly, I read your posts and comments. I have to say Sammy01 is correct, in this case the only person who will be effected is the young boy and didn’t you say, you have children ??

The child’s mother sounds psycho, like really. 100% psychotic, sociopath, schizophrenic etc etc.
I’ve lived it, and reading about different situations you have said I feel I’m living it again. For real, the mother is crazy.

I can’t, but can imagine what this young boy is experiencing. It makes me sick. Interrogation about you, his father, you name it. The mother will try her hardest to make the young boy despise you Philly. The mother will make allegations towards you also Philly, it will be coming Philly, this is what they do. She will do and say anything, nothing is out bounds. What this young boy would have already been told is sickening.

I strongly believe, don’t let the barristers tell you what you should do and not do, you don’t have to take their advice.
I’ve had many arguments being told, ‘this is the best way, this is what you need to do’, blah blah blah.
Best for who, not my young children.

Your partner knows this woman, he lived with her. He will definitely know what is best for his boy, he needs to fight for him, no-one else will.

Some barristers just want to get home early after being paid a lot of money to fight for you to fight for your child.
I have to say though not all are the same, it was hard to find a good one who was prepared, she was a weapon, I never once used anyone else.

If your not satisfied with your barrister, get another one then another one, until you find the right one.

If anything, I mean anything the father is being told and he has an inch of doubt or it doesn’t sit well with him, don’t agree.

Why is it that you need to wait on the settlement?
I don’t get it?

When you said the father and son were speaking over the phone, it hurts so much to hear what the young boy said.
He obviously is counting down how much longer until he can leave, wasn’t that a big enough hint?

You said the boy is 10yrs old. Does he have a children’s lawyer ?

This is important that he does, the chidrens lawyer will only fight for him, the young boy can tell the child rep how he is feeling and what he would be HAPPY with, he is 10yrs old right, so he would be able to voice his own opinion, that way the child rep will know what the young boy wants, this will help the boy, he can actually tell someone, instead of being told what to do.

The parents are old enough to make their own decisions, well 1 parent, but even then, some of what you have said about the father doesn’t make sense for me, such as agreeing with the mother to swap days.
What else has been agreed on?
The mother is screwing with the boys head, can’t the father see this, he must see it, I do and I don’t know all the details.

Does the father ever ask the young boy if he wants to stay at his mothers or come home, when the court order is not being followed.

I believe that is no-ones decision to make for him, ask the 10yr old boy what he wants.
If he felt he was able to make decisions for himself and the father is going to back him with that decision, you might find the young boy will open up and talk with his father.

For her this is a game, truly this is, just to pee off the father. My ex would say to me for real, ‘are you ready to play the game’. I would never comment, I would never take off my sunglasses at court, this annoyed him.

Yeah I was ready alright, no-one plays games with my boys, bring it on and you had better be smart about this because this is no game for me, these are my innocent children who have no idea what is going on.
I paid thousands, 10s of thousands and this was a game for him, he thought I wouldn’t spend money to fight for them, this is because he wouldn’t, I’m giving you an example of how the psychotic think.

All a child wants is to be loved and know they are loved, know they can talk to you about anything whether it be good or bad, and you will talk to them, not yell if it is something bad, this is a 10yr old boy.
He needs to know he can count on his father for absolutely anything, he would know he can’t count on his mother, does he know though he can count on his father?

I can honestly say without any doubts the father of this boy is involved in a sick twisted game he is unaware of?? the father needs to step up and take control for his sons sake.
This is a sick twisted game.

The father needs to be smarter than that and realise the mother is using his son, she doesn’t care if she sees her child, I know that sounds harsh, if she cared, she wouldn’t be using her boy the way she is.
All she cares about is getting back at the father and this is destroying this boy by doing so.

He needs to stand strong for his boy and fight fight fight for him.

Sorry Philly, I went on and on, I have lived this, I know what is happening. I get so passionate about something I know to be true.

Alert, you are correct in everything you have said. There is so much detail I can't even begin to describe. It seems we've lived the same paths and t seems we are acting in similar ways. It is just nice for time to time to receive that reassurance, from a third party.

 

[Philly2020]

The child’s mother sounds psycho, like really. 100% psychotic, sociopath, schizophrenic etc etc

You are correct, however although extremely cunning, she isn't 'smart' and often her spiteful behaviour is to her own detriment.