NSW Mother Attempts to Discredit Father - Family Court?

[Philly2020]

So what happens when the kid is with you? do you facilitate phone calls?

When he is with us, yes, his father abides by the orders and initiates the phone call. We often take him to his bedroom where he has privacy, innate the call, and then leave the room and shut the door.

 

[Philly2020]

Kid is mean't to be dropt off at paternal grand-parents? What does mum do to pick up the kid?

When the mother has to pick up the kid we have him ready at the grandparents home, on time, as per the orders. Its not uncommon for her to be late. We live approx 30kms from the mother, hence the changeover is located somewhere more convenient to the fathers work.

The mother has strongly objected to ever bringing the child to the fathers home, and we have never requested that she do so, although as she insist the child be collected from her, we are wondering if perhaps we should request the same?

 

[Philly2020]

Why on earth would you agree to 50/50 when the alternative was 100% care.

I was there when this decision was made, but I believe it was on the advice of his solicitor, who at the time I don't think understood that she was genuinely dealing with a nutter. Since then the solicitor has made basic, reasonable requests of the mother which are never facilitated and always made into a drama. I think it was the solicitor who was the slow learner, not the father. (although, he did marry her, so perhaps they are both slow learners).

 

[Philly2020]

not a big deal if you don't talke to the child for 7 days. True?

Because the child lives 50% with a nutter, who is violent and unpredictable, the phone call provides some sort of relief for the child and the father.

It is not uncommon for the father to call and speak to the child and the child show excitement and anticipation on when he will be seeing his father next, for example for one phone call the son said to his dad "I will see you again soon dad, in 36 hours" or he will say "only 3 more sleeps dad" which is when he is returned to his father.

 

[sammy01]

Ok, so could you try to keep all the stuff in one post. Just makes responding easier.

So comply with the orders. You're doing well with letting the kid have privacy for phone call when the child is with you.

Just keep going with change overs. Don't rock the boat. You guys are painting the picture that looks good. You guys can follow the court orders. Sweet.

What are you looking at for final orders? I would suggest that unless you live in rural NSW the kid is gonna need one primary residence? How old is the child?

 

[Philly2020]

Sorry, I wasn't sure after i'd posted if i'd covered everything.

Look I understand a lot of people would feel this way about their ex, but ideally the father would like her to fall off a cliff, however final orders the father will be seeking would be full parental responsibility, full custody with fortnightly supervised visitation with the mother.

I understand he would need to present a fairly good argument for this to be granted.

It may be that he would accept full parental responsibility, full time care with the mother receiving visitation every second weekend and half of school holidays.

 

[sammy01]

HHmm, I'd reather push my ex off the cliff....

Sadly, what you're seeking isn't gonna happen.... (happy to be proven wrong) - If supervised visits were warranted, then you need to be able to make the case that the kid is in harms way if at mum's home overnight. The fact that you've agreed to 50/50 indicates that isn't the case. Same deal with sole parental responsibility. Ain't gonna happen. You can't agree to 50/50 and then argue that the mother needs supervision.

So let me backpedal, I think the solicitor's advice was good, in normal circumstances, but solicitor didn't realise what he's dealing with.

Are you in rural NSW or in a city? 30km is Bondi beach to Paramatta which would take 1/1/2 hours or more in peak hour, but 20 min in the country.

How old is the child?
How long did the child live with dad 100% of the time?
Do you have genuine concerns for the welfare of the kid while with mum?

 

[Philly2020]

HHmm, I'd reather push my ex off the cliff....

Sadly, what you're seeking isn't gonna happen.... (happy to be proven wrong) - If supervised visits were warranted, then you need to be able to make the case that the kid is in harms way if at mum's home overnight. The fact that you've agreed to 50/50 indicates that isn't the case. Same deal with sole parental responsibility. Ain't gonna happen. You can't agree to 50/50 and then argue that the mother needs supervision.

So let be back pedal, I think the solicitor's advice was good, in normal circumstances, but solicitor didn't realise what he's dealing with.

Are you in rural NSW or in a city. 30km is Bondi beach to Paramatta which would take 1/1/2 hours or more in peak hour, but 20 min in the country.

HOW OLD IS THE CHILD?
How long did the child live with dad 100% of the time?
Do you have genuine concerns for the welfare of the kid while with mum?

The child is about to turn 9.

I think the solicitor's advice was good in normal circumstances also, however, this is not normal circumstances, and she lacked that foresight, which the father now is suffering for.

The mother took herself on multiple month long holidays multiple times per year for several years and then moved into the city leaving the child with his father for approx 18 months, visiting when she felt like it, which was rarely.

We definitely have concerns for the child when with the mother. She sends him to school without lunch which was bought to our attention by his teacher. She is violent towards her partners, who change more often than some people change their underwear. I suspect she suffers from Munchausen's (sp?), constantly making up illnesses for her and her children, once telling family members and the father that the child had been diagnosed with cancer because a skin specialist wanted to keep an eye on 2 moles on the child's face. She is more of a nutter than I can even explain.

The solicitor is aware of all of this but still insists property be dealt with first. It is a sizeable property settlement,

I understand at the time the interim orders were made the father accepted 50/50 shared custody but since then her behaviour has become much more volatile and violent, having another 2 assault charges against her.

What do you expect the sentence may be for this? Breach of section 10 good behaviour with back to back assault charges? She will use the fact she has a newborn baby for leniency.

 

[sammy01]

OK sending a kid to school without lunch - bad parenting... sure. Indication of abuse? Maybe. But the kid is going to school.

Nope - she is not more of a nutter than you can explain... Trust me... My ex almost had me convinced I had to transfer a few grand to her so she could book in for a kid to have an operation. Nope, not true... Not even close.

As far as the assault charges. Look if she gets a custodial sentence, get back to us. But you cant work with if's.

I'm guessing the 'sizeable property settlement' is all his? Were they married? how long did they live together?

Crazy idea - offer her $50k property settlement as cash and alternate weekends / half holidays with the child. Do you know, does she have legal aid? See my thinking is you guys have already blown a huge wad of cash on solicitors and you've gotten no-where. You could easily spend another huge wad of cash on this sucker.

Giving her $50k could be cheaper than giving that to the solicitors to fight this through. Just a thought

 

[Alert]

Because the child lives 50% with a nutter, who is violent and unpredictable, the phone call provides some sort of relief for the child and the father. It is not uncommon for the father to call and speak to the child and the child show excitement and anticipation on when he will be seeing his father next, for example for one phone call the son said to his dad "I will see you again soon dad, in 36 hours" or he will say "only 3 more sleeps dad" which is when he is returned to his father

Hi Philly, I read your posts and comments. I have to say Sammy01 is correct, in this case the only person who will be effected is the young boy and didn’t you say, you have children ??

The child’s mother sounds psycho, like really. 100% psychotic, sociopath, schizophrenic etc etc.
I’ve lived it, and reading about different situations you have said I feel I’m living it again. For real, the mother is crazy.

I can’t, but can imagine what this young boy is experiencing. It makes me sick. Interrogation about you, his father, you name it. The mother will try her hardest to make the young boy despise you Philly. The mother will make allegations towards you also Philly, it will be coming Philly, this is what they do. She will do and say anything, nothing is out bounds. What this young boy would have already been told is sickening.

I strongly believe, don’t let the barristers tell you what you should do and not do, you don’t have to take their advice.
I’ve had many arguments being told, ‘this is the best way, this is what you need to do’, blah blah blah.
Best for who, not my young children.

Your partner knows this woman, he lived with her. He will definitely know what is best for his boy, he needs to fight for him, no-one else will.

Some barristers just want to get home early after being paid a lot of money to fight for you to fight for your child.
I have to say though not all are the same, it was hard to find a good one who was prepared, she was a weapon, I never once used anyone else.

If your not satisfied with your barrister, get another one then another one, until you find the right one.

If anything, I mean anything the father is being told and he has an inch of doubt or it doesn’t sit well with him, don’t agree.

Why is it that you need to wait on the settlement?
I don’t get it?

When you said the father and son were speaking over the phone, it hurts so much to hear what the young boy said.
He obviously is counting down how much longer until he can leave, wasn’t that a big enough hint?

You said the boy is 10yrs old. Does he have a children’s lawyer ?

This is important that he does, the chidrens lawyer will only fight for him, the young boy can tell the child rep how he is feeling and what he would be HAPPY with, he is 10yrs old right, so he would be able to voice his own opinion, that way the child rep will know what the young boy wants, this will help the boy, he can actually tell someone, instead of being told what to do.

The parents are old enough to make their own decisions, well 1 parent, but even then, some of what you have said about the father doesn’t make sense for me, such as agreeing with the mother to swap days.
What else has been agreed on?
The mother is screwing with the boys head, can’t the father see this, he must see it, I do and I don’t know all the details.

Does the father ever ask the young boy if he wants to stay at his mothers or come home, when the court order is not being followed.

I believe that is no-ones decision to make for him, ask the 10yr old boy what he wants.
If he felt he was able to make decisions for himself and the father is going to back him with that decision, you might find the young boy will open up and talk with his father.

For her this is a game, truly this is, just to pee off the father. My ex would say to me for real, ‘are you ready to play the game’. I would never comment, I would never take off my sunglasses at court, this annoyed him.

Yeah I was ready alright, no-one plays games with my boys, bring it on and you had better be smart about this because this is no game for me, these are my innocent children who have no idea what is going on.
I paid thousands, 10s of thousands and this was a game for him, he thought I wouldn’t spend money to fight for them, this is because he wouldn’t, I’m giving you an example of how the psychotic think.

All a child wants is to be loved and know they are loved, know they can talk to you about anything whether it be good or bad, and you will talk to them, not yell if it is something bad, this is a 10yr old boy.
He needs to know he can count on his father for absolutely anything, he would know he can’t count on his mother, does he know though he can count on his father?

I can honestly say without any doubts the father of this boy is involved in a sick twisted game he is unaware of?? the father needs to step up and take control for his sons sake.
This is a sick twisted game.

The father needs to be smarter than that and realise the mother is using his son, she doesn’t care if she sees her child, I know that sounds harsh, if she cared, she wouldn’t be using her boy the way she is.
All she cares about is getting back at the father and this is destroying this boy by doing so.

He needs to stand strong for his boy and fight fight fight for him.

Sorry Philly, I went on and on, I have lived this, I know what is happening. I get so passionate about something I know to be true.