QLD Is Parenting Plan Supplied by Ex Reasonable?

[SamanthaJay]

Sorry to read that Migz. These mediators/conciliators are supposed to be non-biased but I haven't experienced that and you hear the same story over and over again Sounds like your ex is set on 2 sets of rules - one for her and one for you.

 

[sammy01]

OK - pick your battles. Even after court.... Don't engage with the crap you can't win. Guess what - there probably wasn't an appointment - it was just an attempt to get out early... Or if there was, so what. Get used to it. She is never gonna tell you about every appointment, so the more you try, the more frustrated you will get...

So my first set of orders said something about speaking nicely to each other and about each other. My lord some of the language she would throw at me in front of the kids... Clearly a breach of that part of the orders about speaking nicely, etc.... Worth applying to court for a contravention? Nope - and when she realised that she could be abusive she thrived on it...

Nothing I could do stopped it, until I stopped bothering and just started smiling back and ignoring it all. You are gonna have to get use to this mate, and no court orders are gonna change that stuff...

Yep you're getting screwed over. Get used to it and start learning how to play the ex and the system, otherwise you'll wind up in the nut house and you'll be no good for your daughter.

 

[AllForHer]

Unfortunately, mediation is hardly ever the alternative conflict resolution service that it's meant to be. It seems to be just an item on a checklist for getting to Court, rather than a genuine opportunity to resolve a dispute without needing the Court to intervene.

However, it's important to remember that the mediator isn't there to take sides or tell one parent to 'be reasonable'. They're only there to keep the conversation flowing and focused on the issues at hand. It does no good to blame the mediator for not giving your ex a serve or telling either of you what a suitable outcome is. That's not their job.

In any case, it's time for Court. You must keep your head throughout the Court process; you can't have a go at the mother or the judge like what happened in mediation. Keeping your emotions separate from the kids' best interests is critical. Like sammy01 said, you must learn to smile and nod when baited. When mum says "you're useless and a terrible father, your kids hate you", you say "cheers, did you receive X's report card or would you like me to forward a copy to you?"

Always take the high road. It feels a lot better long term than entering into the argument with her.

 

[Migz]

Thanks for the comforting words guys.

OK, so I'm back again. I need some serious help, as I'm a tad lost. I will break it down into point form:

1. So I've just been emailed the Parenting Plan from the mediator, with a lot of items having been deleted from the one I brought home with notes all over it.

2. Do I now make contact with the ex via email and say which number(s) in the Parenting Plan do you truly agree with? And go ahead and get them made into consent orders?

3. I am now 12 days out from court, do I now retype up my Affidavit, Annexures, Interim Orders, and Final Orders, and submit/serve them 7 days prior to the court date? (I am the respondent), the previous case was passport related.

4. I really need to be asking for a hell of a lot more visitation time, because, I calculated it last night and its less than 3% visitation time for a 10 month old baby.

I am a bit lost as to what to do now, I was pinning my hopes on Mediation being more professional, and arriving at real outcomes for my daughter.

Cheers

 

[AllForHer]

Did you sign the parenting plan at mediation?

 

[Migz]

@AllForHer... No, nothing has been signed

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, so...

My suggestion would be to look at what the mediator has given you, then add in the other stuff that you wrote down and pitch it to the other parent as interim consent orders.

The idea of doing this is to narrow down the issues about which you and and other parent don't agree so the Court has something to focus on. I'm guessing the main issue in dispute here is how much regular time the child spends with you. If she agrees on some stuff, file them with your other documents and additional interim orders that you want the Court to consider.

When you send your proposal, ask her for a counteroffer as well.

It sounds like mum doesn't really have a great understanding of how family law works and what the likely outcome is going to be at Court. See, it's fairly common for dads to get more from Court than they do from mum at mediation, and the likelihood of you getting just 3% is pretty much zero. Such little time would very nearly have to be accompanied by other circumstances, such as a history of violence or the need for supervision. Dads that don't pose a threat to their child will usually get at least five nights a fortnight. With your child being so young, it's probably fair to expect this on an incremental basis.

So for Court, yes, file a new affidavit and an updated interim and final order. If you can file some form of consent interim order with that, great, but if not, so be it.

 

[Migz]

@AllForHer. Thank you very much for your in-depth answer. This has given me direction once again. I'll give the boss a call in the morning and ask for day off in leave and attend this with determination once again.