It does come across the wrong way and the advice is really poor form. To summarise - make it really hard. Maybe dad will give up....
To elaborate - REALLY POOR FORM
1. We're talking about a child here and the chance for that child to know his/her parents and you wanna make that difficult? Shame on you.
2. You're only getting one side of this story with which to form your opinion. (btw that story is that dad wants to see the kid and has been trying for a long time - he just doesn't see why he has to pay a solicitor just to see his own kid)
3. We're talking about a child and them having a chance to know one of their parents. You want that to be made difficult? shame on you. Yep, wrote it twice because it matters lots
4. It is very rare for me to engage in gender / sexism arguments. But just this once... When did it become ok for a woman to become judge jurer and executioner in family law cases? So your advice is make dad jump through as many hoops as possible (like a dolphin at the zoo? a play thing?) Manipulate and control the situation and if dad meets your threshold then maybe, maybe he can see the kid? but only under mum's strict rules? Talk about abuse of power. shame on you.
5.The poster needs to ignore your advice because her original question was 'how would this play out in court?" The answer is - NOT GOOD. By following Helen's advice, you'll be a good canditate for a case being made that you're alienating the other parent from the child. You're also risking having a cost order made against you. Basically, if it is deemed you're wasting the courts time in your efforts to make dad 'put a hell of a lot of work in' then you could be ordered to pay some or all of his expenses and IF you're lucky enough to start with a legal aid grant, your refusal to be reasonable could see you lose that legal aid grant, so you'll either have to fund your own case OR self represent, which is not for the faint hearted.
6. The only thing that you got right. "parenting proceedings are very long and unbelieveably life consuming."
So lets look at that bit of your advice in a bit more detail. Let me give you four hypotheticals.
1. Faced with the realities of court and the realisation that mum is gonna make this as hard as possible, dad gives up. Financially broken and emotionally broken. He just knows he can't afford solicitors at $500 ph and barristers at $1000. Mum can niavely claim this proves dad never cared anyways... She wins. The child never gets to know his dad. The child loses.
2. Dad spends a few grand to get this to interim hearing. Is then hit with half the costs of an ICL and a Family report writer. He gives up... (see my last point.) Oh and mum is out of pocket a few grand too, unless she gets legal aid. The child doesn't get to know his dad. The child loses.
3. Dad takes this all the way. Gets access. Both mum and dad have spent thousands of $$$$ and the stress has taken a toll on their health. The emotional toll impacts on both parents capacity to parent. The child loses.
4. Mum agrees to find opportunities for the kid to spend time with dad. Sure there was that one time he failed to show, but to be fair, there were mitigating circumstances. But the child is happy to spend time with dad. GOOD RESULT. The child wins. OR dad fails to show. Poor kid is disapointed - but at least the kid knows it and mum (god bless her) can proudly say she did all she can to ensure the dad had a chance to be a good dad. ... I really like the last bit because it highlights the immorality of your advice.
. Best of luck with it & stay safe.
