QLD How Would Family Court Play Out?

[Jesso]

I'm sure there's a better way to say what you said.

Your assumptions are wrong with why I'm wanting the father contact by lawyer or mediator! This is not about a good man who is a genuinely good father. And I am not someone who thinks all men are horrible either! This is like many others, not a situation that is like every other. This is a man who has chosen to use harasment and intimidation to get his way! You think it's normal for a family to be uprooted and move because the children's father simply drops by for some family time?! If so you are wrong in that assumption.

I don't really feel like disclosing the personal nature of the mother and father's relationship but to insinuate and make accusations are just wrong!

I asked for civil comments because there's more to the story. I do want the father and children to have a relationship. But if you got off your high horse and looked past your own issues! You may be open to seeing that not everything is so black and white as you think it is.

Please grow up and move along!

 

[sammy01]

Ok look. You wrote dad doesn't have to do any running around. He just has to contact a solicitor...

That is running around at $500 an hour... so $500 for the first consultation. $500 or more for a solicitor to write to you. $1000 gone.

I'm sure there are lots of better ways of saying it. But I'm not here to mix my words. You asked how you are gonna look if this goes to court. The answer is bad, Sounds like dad won't look good either if he has a criminal record. But you asked how you're gonna look and the nice folk here (who know a bit) answered...

Just so we are clear here. The nice folk has all been civil. None has said a nasty word. Not one.

 

[Jesso]

BTW the father would never just communicate and leave communication to be about the kids solely!

If so, I would of already done so. And to note I have tried to talk to the father about seeing the kids previously and he refused!

Please read previous comments.

The father had previous opportunities to see the children and put something in place. I've tried so many times. I'm left with nothing else to do. The father can contact a lawyer that's an option. Not a popular one by your response but one non the least.

I don't have issues with the other replies just yours actually.

 

[sammy01]

No you do have issues with the other posters. Sophie gave similar opinion and you thought she wasn't being civil...

Suggestion - call relationships Australia. Organise mediation. Go on, dare ya. Or pay a solicitor to write to dad. Clearly, recently at least dad has made it known to you that he would like to see the kids. Maybe just maybe, the opinions you're getting is good.

Respectfully - there are 2 sides to every story. Relationship break ups hurt. More than 12 months have passed... Start mending bridges. But the opinion stays the same.

 

[Jesso]

Why are you daring me? When I already had previously? I'm happy to do it again. There's literally no issues. As I've stated before the father is the one refusing to contact anyone in regards to moving forward with the children?

And now is making threats to go to court. But hasn't tried another avenue yet. And the advice is fine but I explained I appreciated Sophie's opinion on the last part and was open to it. It was just yes I didn't like being accused of being childish. Because that's not why I hadn't contacted the father.

I'm open to all opinions but yes I feel reluctant and I have my reasons which are why I said the mother has things to think about!

 

[Jake Matherson]

And now is making threats to go to court. But hasn't tried another avenue yet.

Before Dad can take you to Family Court he will be required to attend mediation and get a certificate. Yay! You get the mediation you wanted.

But it's not all roses.

Dad and yourself don't necessarily have to participate proactively in mediation and any parenting plan or agreement made in mediation is not legally binding or enforceable.

If mum or dad decide not to send the kid back on Monday as planned there is nothing anyone police/child services will do about it. Your parenting plan is nothing but ink on a page.

So you would expect if you got a letter in the mail tomorrow asking you to attend mediation all of a sudden you're about to be going to Family Court in the near future to get formal parenting Orders and you can say hello to at least two years of Family Court headaches.

I just ticked over two years in a Family Court matter. You don't need to be there.

 

[Jesso]

Honestly I don't want to go to family court. I feel for you, I really do!

I've heard horror stories about the ones who find themselves at family court.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I want to workout something with my children's father but he will never agree to anything if I were the one contacting him directly. I realise it wouldn't be a straight forward journey even if he was willing to be civil with me and we try to find a solution with the kids.

I feel like I'm the one who is trying to encourage the relationship. Because I was before. And yes I realise you only read a one sided version of events. But I came here for advice and it's making me feel really disheartened at the thought of court. If we were to end up there. Bloody terrifying to be honest.

I think I've been put into the basket that those mothers who are vindictive are placed in. And it's really not the case. I'm really genuinely scared for my safety and only recently started getting things back on track after having to relocate.

The father pops up every now and again requesting to see the kids but never follows through with it. I'm not even making it hard for him. Though you may think I am being unreasonable given I'm asking to go through mediation or a lawyer. However it's just something that it a very necessary process in my situation. And so wanted to know what I was looking at if I were to go to court I guess.

I have legitimate reasons I can't just contact him and see him at the shops. I can't risk him following us home cause then I'll have to uproot the kids again. They are only 3 & 4 and it's not easy. History has shown what will happen. I've done exactly what is suggested before talk and sort it out with Dad and that didn't go very well for me or the kids. So this time I have to not do it that way. Dad wants to see kids but he isn't the only person that will be affected if and when he starts behaving in an negative way.

Anyway clearly I need to rethink my approach and try to find a solution to this whole situation. Something I'm open to and something will workout for both parents. At least for the kids. They need that relationship.

 

[SophieW]

What if you organised mediation? Relationships Australia or Legal Aid would be able to arrange the mediation for you. You don't have to sit in the same room (the mediator walks back and forth between the rooms), and you get staggered attendance times so you don't see each other leaving the building. Mediation does not automatically mean you are going to court - but you need a mediation certificate if you ever want to go.

Edit: I know that when we went to mediation, the mediator said that anything decided on the day could be sent to the court to be formally recognised and therefore enforceable by police. But that might differ depending on State/Territory.

 

[Jesso]

The reason I was waiting for the father to initiate it is because I did contact Relationships Australia a couple of years ago and had given the contact information for the father but he didn't make contact with them himself. Father felt we don't need it.

So I facilitated the relationship between father and the children but when putting a more concrete and consistent plan in place. The father wouldn't agree to anything. As I said I wasn't the only one who approached him about a agreement for him to see the kids regularly.

So I'll give it another shot and see what I can organise from my end but I can't guarantee the father will follow through with it. But I guess it means I tried it, right? And that hopefully will prove I'm wanting the father and children to have an relationship.

I'm not against him but he needs to meet me half way.

 

[rjm]

In a perfect world, you could decide you didn't want to have anything to do with your ex & do just that. Reality is you had 2 children & you've got no choice but to deal with him until both of your kids have left home. Even then it doesn't stop though. There's birthday celebrations, weddings...

Whether you like it or not you'll be linked to your ex by your children for the rest of your life. The suggestion to use an app to communicate which documents the dialogue was a good one. That way if he is being unreasonable or aggressive it will be in black & white. The path of least resistance would be my preferred option.

If you're scared of him turning up unannounced that's fair enough. If you're simply annoyed maybe just try & deal with it. Yes it's annoying & inconvenient, so is turning up to mediation & court hearings. If the kids are pleased to see their dad surely you'd want that for them, even if it is inconsistent & unorganized. I'm not judging anyone.

I've been the child in this situation & what I've suggested is what I would have appreciated. Of course if you genuinely fear for your safety then do what's required to protect yourself. I think that goes without saying. I doubt anyone posting in this forum would want you to put yourself in harms way.

People who don't care usually don't waste their time commenting.