QLD How Would Family Court Play Out?

[Jesso]

Wasn't so much about being annoyed. I can deal with him showing up unannounced to see the children. And I did deal with that as they enjoyed seeing him.

It was his behaviour other times that made it harder and harder to accept him dropping by.
We are talking about stalking behaviour.

Coming and going all hours of the night, sitting outside my window for hours. Waking up to find him sleeping at my front door or on the kids' trampoline. Being aggressive and forcing his way into the home refusing to leave. Among other things very possessive and controlling person. And I tried my best but I was defeated after months of it. And it is scary to think of it restarting. The father never lived at this house and the relationship was over at least a year before this started.

I do understand he is the kids' father and so there's going to be future celebrations. Just not easy. And him threatening court while refusing other avenues actually makes me feel anxious. I don't want to lose my children I care about them and have only done what I felt was right. Which is why I left. Better in the long term.

 

[SophieW]

Yes, if you organise mediation and do all your paperwork for it, and he just never bothers to do his side of the paperwork, once it gets to court (if it does) that will count in your favour. And it can't get to court unless you (or him) have a mediation certificate, or an exemption (which is in the case of significant family violence - I don't know enough about the exact level it needs to be).

 

[Jesso]

Yes, if you organise mediation and do all your paperwork for it, and he just never bothers to do his side of the paperwork, once it gets to court (if it does) that will count in your favour. And it can't get to court unless you (or him) have a mediation certificate, or an exemption (which is in the case of significant family violence - I don't know enough about the exact level it needs to be).

Thanks I appreciate your opinion!

I'll definitely give a try and get that certificate. If the father doesn't hold up to his side. And at least for my own sake I've initiated the process and I know I've tried for the kids as well. Then I suppose I'm not looking like I'm ignoring him but willing to work things out.

Otherwise hopefully the father is willing to engage in the process which I think would be better for everyone if he were.

 

[sammy01]

So another way of going at this (I'm making assumptions here, but go with me and a little bit of amateur psychologist thrown in...) Sounds like you broke the relationship off. So you'd decided it was over. But he wasn't there. Hence the stalking...

But at least 12 months - no stalking, no contact. So maybe he has started to move on....

But, you have reasons for concerns.... So some practical solutions. Meet at Macca's. They have cameras. Maccas is the go to place for change overs with parents and kids. For years I've never been to Macca's now I'm there to drop off / pick up kids constantly.

So let's get back to the original question - how are you gonna look in court? Bad... But be pro-active. If you're really that worried when you pick up the kids, don't go straight home. Pick kids up from Macca's and go wash the car or something. Trust me. I know crazy paranoia...

My ex had an AVO on me. She kept accusing me of going to her house. I wasn't. I started taking out $20 every time I walked past an ATM just to prove I was somewhere else, just in case she made an accusation to the cops. But it made me feel a bit better.

Oh and if he does start stalking you again, make sure the cops know. Get an AVO against him. Lay charges with the cops. If he has a criminal record they'll be keen to go after him.

On that note - part of the reason you're gonna look bad in court is because there isn't any evidence.... Not from what you've written. I mean real rock solid evidence. So my advice would be different if he has been convicted, not just charged with the charges dismissed - but convicted of assaulting you or one of the kids. Stupid comparison time. I can't just take a few days off work and show the boss a box of empty tissues as 'evidence' that I had a cold. I need 3rd party proof - a doctor's certificate... From what I can tell you have no solid proof that dad was stalking you.

You seem to think dad is preparing to take this to court - well now is the time to be a bit pro-active in including him in the kids lives because you might not get legal aid.... I outlined above the insane fees solicitors charge. They will charge you that much too.

Final thought - my kids now live with me - after all this, I always talk my ex up. She always trash talks me.... The kids are starting to work out what is what and I think they appreciate my honest and decent approach....

Short version, they have learnt that dad has forgiven (but not forgotten) and I know they will only ever have one mum and kids love their parents.... But whe she trash talks me the kids don't like her for it...

My kids are getting to decide what mum and dad are like. I'd encourage you to let you're kids work out what that man they should be calling dad is about.

 

[Jesso]

Wow it sounds horrible what you had to go through. It must be a relief you got to have the kids and it speaks to your character that you've chosen to be the bigger person.

My kids have access to photos of them and the father, I didn't move wanting to hurt the kids. But the father was becoming too much and the kids were being affected. I don't regret my decision just looking at options and maybe I was reluctant cause we are only getting our lives back.

Yes I ended the relationship. He didn't accept it. In regards to police, they have been involved as I would call them about the father as I said behaviour not always good. As far as I'm aware charged everytime, charges not dropped but penalties weak in my opinion. So behaviour continued.
There is a order in place already.
I'm not sure about the exact charges, police dont feel they need to keep me in the loop. (QLD).
So at the start of the period father had no contact with kids (12 months) it started by the father being held on remand for a few months till the case went to court, then sentenced to a jail term. And while he was on remand I moved. So yes its been 12 months over that period but I reported other incidents to police. Just it's still going through court at the moment.

I'll definitely try to be proactive! And use the suggestions suggested through the thread to offer as an option. It will probably look bad and I'm accepting it but maybe if I try these other options and show I will be proactive at the least.

 

[Philly2020]

Agree with Sammy01... good contructive opinions but not what the poster wants to hear.

Let the people he is contacting you through be the 'mediators' and save yourself a tonne of time, money and anguish... or don't, and take the risk of a judge seeing you in a negative light. Which, in my opinion, is what is likely to happen.

But you didn't want to hear that either, did you.

 

[Jesso]

Agree with Sammy01... good contructive opinions but not what the poster wants to hear.

Let the people he is contacting you through be the 'mediators' and save yourself a tonne of time, money and anguish... or don't, and take the risk of a judge seeing you in a negative light. Which, in my opinion, is what is likely to happen.

But you didn't want to hear that either, did you.

What are you talking about? The father wasn't contacting me through any mediators! He refuses to go through anybody. You aren't making any sense!?

Unless your talking about the people he is contacting when trying to make contact.. if so that's NOT their responsibility to be the back and forth between the mother and father. You must think your so clever with your comment but the father is actually not someone that other people want to be dealing with.

 

[Philly2020]

Yes, I am talking about the people he is contacting to try and make contact with you. Absolutely nothing wrong with this and asking a neutral person is an acceptable method of contact rather than contact you directly, which I am beginning to understand why he is hesitant to do. It's likely the judge is going to make this suggestion (neutral person for contact) when he makes orders giving the father time with his child/ren, which is also something very likely to happen (despite any issues you've had previously with him which relate to behavior directed towards you, if he hasn't been violent towards the children he will get time), so I suggest you get used to the idea, and start thinking of a person you could nominate to do this for you. A person who cares about the children should be happy to facilitate this for them, and not find it a huge burden or 'responsibility' at all.

Kind of do think I am smarter than your average bear, perhaps having a degree in Psychology has something to do with that, or maybe just the ability not to lose my temper and deflect responsibility when I hear something I don't agree with. Or maybe it's just the fact I know the different contexts of your and you're.

Have a great time in court.

 

[Jesso]

I didn't think anyone here was really worried about grammar or spelling to be honest. So yeah I did write that.

I never said you weren't smarter than a average bear?

There's no neutral person that can do the mediation. The father starting causing issues with the only person left who offered to do it at the beginning of the year.

I'm done replying because you think this is just someone having a laugh or something. And make comments but never consider that the father in this instance is unreasonable.

I've accepted how it may actually look! I already said that. So why instead of offering constructive advice yourself you choose to repeat what's already been said..

 

[Jesso]

I'm not against the father seeing the kids. Just wanted it done through a third party. But as I said before he wouldn't agree to it.