QLD 50/50 shared care, child not attending school often in mother's care

[Rosscoe]

My honest opinion... Keep trying to phone no matter how bad it makes you or your partner feel. Be the bigger person for the sake of your kid. Tapping out of trying is not the answer. Keep detailed call records of all your attempts to try and call and make contact with the child. This is going to benefit you A LOT when this winds up in court.

A good response to the demand to call at 1.30pm: Dear xx. I refer to your request to speak to yy at 1.30pm today. Unfortunately I was not able to facilitate this as I was busy. I am happy to arrange a call for yy to speak to you at 99:99pm on T or at 88:99am on W, which is a time that would be convenient for us. Please let me know if this is suitable for you?

The more reasonable and flexible you sound the harder it is for her to act like a fool. Set the example rather. While you are both fueling the flames here there will only be adverse outcomes. I am not trying to be critical here but what I am saying is that inaction and "sticking your head in the sand" can be just as bad.

re: privacy... That is not the important thing here and I agree with Sammy it is an easy topic to get stuck on when there are bigger issues at play. It is also really hard to enforce. If she wants to listen in to the call then is going to right? As long as the child is being heard by the father no matter the environment he is in.

At mediation you must request the parenting plan to be drafted in a manner that enforces some kind of transparency around the child's school attendance and reasons, communication etc of non-attendance. If she is not willing to ensure the child attends school then request a 60i. Make this very clear to her at mediation.

 

[Rosscoe]

Re the phone calls: in my situation on holidays when the phone call issue came up, I gave OP 4 options for times that were convenient for calls over a 3 day period. Response was: stop trying to control my life by telling me when I can speak to my child, those times do not necessarily work for me (I have no idea why as OP didnt say why it was inconvenient). I responded "thanks for considering the times I have proposed and letting me know that they don't work for you. If you reconsider please let me know by 12pm Tuesday". Sure enough - 5 mins later OP responded "Once again I will be the one to cave in to your demands when it comes to xx's time. make sure xx is available to take my call at xxpm on W! Response back "xx looks forward to chatting to you then"

Just trying to help with how you can maybe frame facilitating the calls better...

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Hi Rosscoe, thank you for your advice. To clarify, when I say privacy, i mean the mother will hold the phone while the child is playing PlayStation and the child will be engrossed and not speak or mumble a word or two and then say he wants to go so he can play his game. Another time he was literally riding a dirt bike and his mum made him stop (bike still on) and held the phone to his face. If she's listening and leaving the call alone my partner wouldn't mind at all. It's the holding the phone, telling him what to say, disconnecting calls etc. My partner has honestly never had a call more than 30 seconds long and a proper conversation with the child, hence why he would rather the order be removed now. But I am listening to what you are saying and I am going to try and persuade my partner to allow calls purely so he can just discuss school attendance at mediation if that is what is best. Also thanks for sharing how you've handled the messages with your OP. Good to know it isn't just us if that makes sense.

Thank for you advice regarding the parent plan for school attendance. So mother to contact father if child isn't to be attending and provide a reason? Mother I believe will agree child will attend as she will be too scared to loose more time with the child. Do we have to see how it goes after mediation and then apply for mediation again if attendance does not improve? I am hoping mediation will be around February so the child would have been at school for a few weeks and we can see how it is going so far.

 

[Rosscoe]

Yeah, the privacy thing is a hard thing to enforce in a parenting plan. There is no harm in having it in the parenting plan when you go to mediation though and it is a common clause, depending on the age of the child. Eg. in my situation the child is too young to leave with the phone so the phone kind of has to be held.. Try not to get stuck discussing it for a long time in mediation though. Give a quick background to the issue and why you would like the issue addressed in the parenting plan. The mediator should push for your request to be included I believe as it seems entirely reasonable.

Regarding mediation - if you are happy with the outcome of mediation I'd say get the agreement made into consent orders at court. These carry the same weight as a normal court order. If you are not happy, there will likely still be some kind of agreement with the things that were agreed to but you will also be issued with a 60i that will allow you to pursue things in court.

 

[sammy01]

what do the orders say about phone calls?

 

[Atticus]

We are worried she is going to say yes I will take him to school and that will be it, both parents are agreeing and no 60i certificate.

You will be issued with a S60I certificate regardless of outcome if you ask for it.... It's not issued only if you can't agree.
it's just an indication to the court that you have both attended dispute resolution before applying for orders, & depending on the kind of 60I issued, an indication of the reason it was issued...

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Thank you! I had no idea you could walk away with a certificate. The first 4 times my partner applied to mediation the mother didn't attend and then the final time before court she did attend, but agreed to nothing with my partner (other than to allow him to become the hair dresser for the child which did not happen).

The orders relating to phone calls are:

10. That the child communicate with the parent they are not living with as agreed between the parties and failing agreement as follows:
a) by telephone between 5.30pm and 6 pm on each Thursday with the parent to initiate the call.

11. When the child is communicating with the other parent each parent shall:
a) Ensure that the child is available to receive the telephone call;
b) Arrange for the child to telephone the other parent on the following night if, for any unforeseen circumstance, the child misses the telephone call from that parent;
c) Ensure that the child has privacy during their communication with the other parent.
12. That the child is at liberty to call either parent at all reasonable times and the parent whom they are with shall assist the child to make any calls they request if necessary.

There is also a clause in the special time area relating to Christmas:

d)That the child shall communicate with the parent they are not spending time with via Facetime, telephone, Skype etc, on school holidays each Thursday between 5.30pm to 6pm with the child to initiate the call.

So my partner feels the mother is not following (and has never followed) order 11. c. and this is why he doesn't want phone calls anymore and the child also doesn't enjoy them.

 

[sammy01]

You should follow the orders. That way IF this winds up in court she cant say you have not followed the orders. Keep it simple.

Dad doesn't have to comply with the orders as far as him having phone time when the child is with mum and he can make the case that he felt it wasn't in the child's best interest because the mum made it too dificult...

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Thanks Sammy, my partner has contacted the mother to see if she would like to speak with the child and apologised for it being late.

We've been trying to think of orders to suggest for the parenting plan at mediation. I was wondering if you can suggest orders such as:

- the child will attend school at the starting time of 8.50am
- the child will not be collected early unless a parent is called to the school as the child is unwell or the child has a reason he needs to leave early (such as medical appointment). And if this is the case the parent shall notify the other parent of this reason.
- if the child is unwell and cannot attend school the parent with the child will take the child to a GP and advise the other parent

It sounds really controlling but I'm guessing we need to make more specific orders for the mother to follow?

Also, in relation to the school not agreeing to speak with us about the child's attendence in the mother's care, would a new order trump that? As in, could my partner request an order that both parents be at liberty to discuss the child's attendence, in either parents care, with the child's teacher and principle. Would the school follow an order like this?

Thanks again for everyone's advice! This forum has been a life saver!

 

[Atticus]

Also, in relation to the school not agreeing to speak with us about the child's attendence in the mother's care, would a new order trump that? As in, could my partner request an order that both parents be at liberty to discuss the child's attendence, in either parents care, with the child's teacher and principle. Would the school follow an order like this?

The court is not able to make a part VII order (childens matters) binding on a third party such as a school principal .... Absenteeism whilst in the other parents care needs to be addressed through family court....Her reasons examined, & orders made accordingly .... The school principal on the other hand is bound by those acts & principles (such as the every day counts initiative) & pressure should be bought to bear on her if she is derelict in her duty to monitor & report excessive & or unreasonable absenteeism... If the absenteeism IS found to be excessive, the other parent can have action taken against her up to & including being taken to court .

As for the phone calls.... What exactly is the nature of your 50/50 shared care arrangement? weekly turn about, monthly, something else?