SR dad Not seeing son since COVID19 shutdown: Should I lodge application in case/contravention orders when next court hearing is in 4.5 months???

[Newdad]

Sorry, long post. 2 questions at bottom of post.

I had been seeing my son in supervised visits and that was eventually changed to drop/off pick up(unsupervised) due to avo mum(ex) has that I accepted without admissions. Lawyers told me accept it, its easier… it wont affect your family law case…. I know differently now.

Ex claims I harass and intimidate her even if I send polite message through her lawyer, she says Interrelate(government funded contact centre) harass and intimidate her too. I have email written from her stating that if Im serious about co-parenting then I need to agree to change our sons last name and sign a passport so he can fly to a non hague convention country then she will start to coparent with me…….This is from a woman who claims I was controlling in our relationship and used this as one point in her avo statement. Our son is on airport watchlist due to my fears his mother will take him back to her home country.

FCC judge seems fair and I understand he has to err on side of caution for children’s safety. He gave me more time than ICL wanted and a lot more than what mother was offering although its still insufficient. We only see each other 8.5 hours a week total split in two different visits.

Im self represented. Ex has lawyer. There is an ICL appointed but she does sweet FA.

My son is 23 months old and I have been seeing him unsupervised for six months. Court applications lodged Jan 2019 when he was less than 6 months old and have had several hearings since.

At last hearing ICL made point about him being young so more than a 6 hour block being too much (with his father!!!!!) then within a month of that court hearing the mother put him into daycare!

Mother does not have sole parental responsibility.

Last court date was in November 2019 and we are due to go back in mid August 2020. I want 50/50 shared parental responsibility(unless she keeps being a twit) final orders. She wants two days a fortnight and half of holidays with sole parental responsibility.

First family report has been ordered to be completed and report released by 6 July. We had a Child inclusive conference after first hearing.

The drop off centre closed ten days ago and I emailed her lawyer with the options available: I meet her at police station/cctv location or I meet one of her friends in said location or I offered to have a friend of mine do the same.

They say they are working on it but they have had long enough and the mother is one who draws things out and plays games using our son to hurt me. She has sent friends to pick him up in past so that’s not an issue and she made excuses at last court hearing she couldn’t drop our son off next day due to her daughters dance lessons, judge was having none of it he told her to sort something out and make sure shes there (so judge gave her one day to sort alternate arrangements that time and now Ive given her 10 days and they still haven’t done anything).

They may sort something eventually but I know mother will offer a lot less than our ordered time.

She is always late for our visits even when ordered for certain times at drop off centre. She would refuse to catch up time at end (despite the time being available as per the wording of the court orders) so she was breaching every visit but I let it go. Contravention order?

We did mediation and ICL tried to get ex to agree to more time through her lawyer but ex refused, she was still refusing at court when ICL asked for what ICL wanted. I don’t think judge thinks highly of ex or her lawyer. He speaks to me with more respect than exes lawyer and the exes lawyer has had to say several times….. “im just passing on instructions” as he can see judge isn’t happy with what he is saying. Judge has told me Im doing all the right things and things are progressing well but its too slow and too little time for a son with his dad.

Im thinking of lodging an application in a case as I need new orders so that my son is able to see his dad but I’m wary of lodging application in case 4.5 months before Im due to go back to court anyway.

I wouldn’t just be lodging application for orders that he sees me without drop off centre.

I would also be asking for orders that Im allowed to consult with his early childhood centre and gain info about him (they wont tell me anything without court orders or subpoena). I don’t want to just subpoena info I want to communicate with people who can help me with my son (by telling me what they are seeing developmental wise).

I would be asking for orders that the mother emails me any info when he sees doctors and Im given all results and allowed to actually have some input.

As is she wont tell me if he has been to doctor she will only tell me I can see his doctor for records but his doctor is half hour out of town, doesn’t bulk bill, closes at 1pm everyday and Im a teacher, the govt. would be paying subsidies to doctor to do two appointments for same issue just to give medical info to dad and the mother doesn’t tell me if he has been anyway so Id be left ringing doctor once a week to ask has my son been in this week?

The medical and educational stuff is of major concern as I am almost positive our son is autistic, showing all the signs and I haven’t been told anything, Im not allowed to give my input at his doctor’s appointments, Im not given results.

I need to get onto his developmental delays early so that he can be helped while there is still time.

I’d expressed my concerns to mother but she hadn’t mentioned anything until daycare said something to her so she took him to doctor then about his hearing. She hasnt responded to my comments about autism.

On our first court hearing the exes lawyer told the judge that the ex wasn’t in court as our son stopped breathing the night before, I burst into tears and the judge didn’t seem too impressed that the mother hadn’t even told me yet. I believe this was a lie but this gives me even more reason to be informed of his medical issues/reports.

Only problem is I worry lodging application now could mean they will postpone our August hearing (or give it less time) where Im hoping my son gets to spend a lot more time with me.

Would the application in a case even be heard before the August hearing that’s already ordered?

Should I access interrelate records (subpoena already been produced) and put in contravention orders that she was late for 30 odd visits (I would look up exact number) and has now not let our son see his dad in a week? Judge would then see her total disregard for court orders.

Thanks

 

[Tim W]

I'm going to be hard here, because I speak from experience.
Before you start putting autism and develpomental issues on the table,
get yourself to a specialist, and have yourself tested in respect of
the many ways to appear on the Autism Spectrum.

You say you're a teacher.
Well, on the assumption that you're at least four year trained AQF-7 qualified,
I'll say this:

Look within your own professional knowledge.
Perhaps you already know that where there is an autistic child,
there is very, very, often, also an undiagnosed spectrum parent.
You need to know if it's you.
Because knowing that (either way) will help inform
everything from what you do, to how you go about it,
and you cope with it.

 

[Newdad]

I'm going to be hard here, because I speak from experience.
Before you start putting autism and develpomental issues on the table,
get yourself to a specialist, and have yourself tested in respect of
the many ways to appear on the Autism Spectrum.

You say you're a teacher.
Well, on the assumption that you're at least four year trained AQF-7 qualified,
I'll say this:

Look within your own professional knowledge.
Perhaps you already know that where there is an autistic child,
there is very, very, often, also an undiagnosed spectrum parent.
You need to know if it's you.

Thanks mate but I look people in the eye when I talk to them and I was speaking at 5 months.

Our son is almost 2 and doesn't speak a single word, barely looks people in the eyes, doesn't mimic any facial expressions of gestures, plays alone, doesn't seek affection amongst about twenty other things.

Thanks for your concern about my possible autism though

 

[Newdad]

I'm going to be hard here, because I speak from experience.
Before you start putting autism and develpomental issues on the table,
get yourself to a specialist, and have yourself tested in respect of
the many ways to appear on the Autism Spectrum.

You say you're a teacher.
Well, on the assumption that you're at least four year trained AQF-7 qualified,
I'll say this:

Look within your own professional knowledge.
Perhaps you already know that where there is an autistic child,
there is very, very, often, also an undiagnosed spectrum parent.
You need to know if it's you.
Because knowing that (either way) will help inform
everything from what you do, to how you go about it,
and you cope with it.

Ur a lawyer right?
Can U please give me your legal opinion rather than Ur untrained medical opinion

 

[rjm]

Lordy, Tim must be short of kittens to kick today. JUST JOKING Tim.
Newdad just ignore. Hopefully sammy, Atticus or glass half full will jump on & give some helpful advice.

 

[Newdad]

Lordy, Tim must be short of kittens to kick today. JUST JOKING Tim.
Newdad just ignore. Hopefully sammy, Atticus or glass half full will jump on & give some helpful advice.

Haha thanks mate

 

[Atticus]

Your post title in part is... Not seeing son since COVID19 shutdown ..... Has that change in contact been directly because of or related to the bio security measures?

I want 50/50 shared parental responsibility

Do you mean 50/50 shared care & equal, joint parental responsibility?

Judge has told me Im doing all the right things and things are progressing

That is a very good sign ... It's a good indicator that given circumstances, your contact should be increased & no reason to believe that won't also include unsupervised & overnights ....

I doubt filing an application in a case will accelerate the process, particularly in light of current Covid -19 restrictions .... I would be wary of being seen as too quick to jump into conflict with mum (as annoying as her actions may be)... The court is more interested in being satisfied that you are a stable parent, not prone to looking for problems but rather for solutions... She can continue to be obstructive, argumentative & unrelenting in her views etc, but it will ultimately be to her detriment ...

Your child is still young & while I get your anxst over being denied more time, it doe's sound like this judge is one of the better ones. You should take some comfort in that IMO anyway

 

[Newdad]

Your post title in part is... Not seeing son since COVID19 shutdown ..... Has that change in contact been directly because of or related to the bio security measures?


Do you mean 50/50 shared care & equal, joint parental responsibility?

That is a very good sign ... It's a good indicator that given circumstances, your contact should be increased & no reason to believe that won't also include unsupervised & overnights ....

I doubt filing an application in a case will accelerate the process, particularly in light of current Covid -19 restrictions .... I would be wary of being seen as too quick to jump into conflict with mum (as annoying as her actions may be)... The court is more interested in being satisfied that you are a stable parent, not prone to looking for problems but rather for solutions... She can continue to be obstructive, argumentative & unrelenting in her views etc, but it will ultimately be to her detriment ...

Your child is still young & while I get your anxst over being denied more time, it doe's sound like this judge is one of the better ones. You should take some comfort in that IMO anyway

Thanks for your reply Atticus,

Contact has stopped as drop off/pick up centre is closed due to coronavirus.

Visits were not supervised, just drop off and pick up at centre then I'd leave with my son.

Yes I meant im asking for final orders of 50/50 shared care & equal, joint parental responsibility.

Yes I think things are going well with judge.

I was seeing son up until a week ago so Im not so much trying to speed up the process but more so to make sure he still gets to see me between now and August.

Requesting orders on medical and educational now instead of waiting until August could be seen to be trying to speed up process without waiting until family report before August hearing though?

 

[sammy01]

1. Write to solicitor ask folk here to proof read before you send. Be assertive but polite. Raise concerns about autism and ask for the ex to seek assistance regarding your concerns.
2. the ex is doing you a huge favour by delaying. Child is very young. So ATM you've got this whole 'primary attachment theory' problem. Google the term. Your chances of gettting 50/50 care of a 2yr old are not good. So let mum drag this thing out... I know, trust me I know... But think long term. And there is this legal term called 'best interest of the child'. It is paramount in any decision the court make.
3. By now you're starting to think gee this guys is really nice. YOU ARE WRONG. I'm strategic. Learn the system and learn how to play it. So high conflict between you and the ex? Sure, she is the one causing it... BUT you'e not gonna win by saying but she started it. But she won't do this. But she wont email me. But BUT but.... And in a few years time when things settle. She doesn't inform you about a school event, or a doctor's appointment or or or. What are you gonna do? take her back to court? everytime? You need to learn to harness your inner Mahatma Gandi, Buddah and Mother Theresa.

Story time... I had orders - phone call at 6pm every Tuesday and Sunday. 6pm. If I called at 5.59 - No answer. Call back at 6.01 She would answer and tell me I need to call at 6pm. I was late. So no talk with the kids. I stopped calling. What was the point? Every time I call she gets a little ego trip and my blood pressure goes through the roof. Same with your emails about doctors appointments. Sure, she should communicate with you. But if she doesn't you can't make her and that is gonna cause conflict and remind her how beautiful the power imbalance is...

Next - Judges will make orders for incremental time into the not so distant future. So orders for time to incrementally increase from 2 nights to 3 and from 3 to 4 nights over a 2 year period (give or take). But not orders for 50/50 to begin in 5 years. So let me remind you 'best interest of the child'. So what is best for your child? Multiple choice time...
A. Orders made tomorrow for 3 nights a fortnight starting in 18 months and that is all. Because judges are reluctant to make orders to begin well into the future.
B. slow down. Relax. be patient let this drag out. Avoid conflict and have orders made in 2 years when the child is 4. There is a better chance the judge will order 5 or 6 nights in your care a fortnight. Long term over the life of the child. This means more time with dad... So clearly this is the right answer in your world. Mate I hate to tell you and gee I hope you prove me wrong - but I doubt you'll get 50/50 care.

Now as far as caronavirus goes. In NSW the govt has been very clear. Family court orders is a reason to travel. Corona is also likely to delay your case (good). ATM she is doing lots to help your case. Don't cause conflict because when you do you help her case.

My prediction - Next time you're in court, or maybe the time after that, she will have a new solicitor. WHY? Well she isn't gonna like hearing the advice her solicitor is giving her. So she'll go looking for a second opinion... Solicitor shopping is what I call it. Eventually, she will have to understand that she needs to pull her head in. But it might take 2 or 3 solicitors a few family report writers and a judge or two telling her to pull her head in.

In the meantime - be patient.

 

[Atticus]

I was seeing son up until a week ago so Im not so much trying to speed up the process but more so to make sure he still gets to see me between now and August.

So you have interim orders for 8.5 Hrs a week at present? .... Contact stopped just a week ago because your point of changeover has closed (contact center) ... So what alternatives have you offered for changeover (via her solicitor I assume because of the AVO)

Next - Judges will make orders for incremental time into the not so distant future. So orders for time to incrementally increase from 2 nights to 3 and from 3 to 4 nights over a 2 year period (give or take). But not orders for 50/50 to begin in 5 years.

Agree with above ....

That would be the norm given the age of the child