WA Should I change flight?

[AllForHer]

Okay, we were in a similar situation with mum demanding we spend $900 to change flights that had already been booked and paid for because they were an hour later than her preferred departure time.

We didn't change flights, and I don't think you should, either.

You're on the cusp of a hearing. If mum withholds the kids when you're only otherwise seeing them for very marginal periods in a year, simply because she felt the flight times you'd organised "weren't fair", then it's not going to make her look great. Your time with the kids being an inconvenience to her really isn't a good enough reason for your time with the kids to be limited even further.

If it were me, I'd tell mum that I'm looking forward to seeing the kids on (date of arrival) and that I am sorry about the return flights and I will see what I can do. After they arrive, I'd tell mum that I couldn't change the flights because the cost was too high, but would be happy to do so if she would like to cover the cost. Then I would put them on the plane home as scheduled and get on with my life.

 

[Lennon]

The next closest flight is 4 hours earlier. The boys will effectively lose a whole day with me - it's the difference between leaving for the airport at 10.30am v 3.30pm.

You need to understand how little time they have to spend with me.10 days this January just gone (agreed by my ex at the last minute so I couldn't even arrange much time off work). 10 days in June/July. 10 days at Christmas this year. In between times, I get skype sessions once a week if I'm lucky, and nothing else.

I think a day with me is more in their interests than an early night when they get back to their mum's State (particularly considering they won't be able to have an early night anyway, due to the change in time zone they will be up late no matter what).

 

[Lennon]

Thanks AllForHer that's effectively what I plan to do, although I am toying up with suggesting that if she would like them to return on an early flight the following day, at her expense, I will agree to that (I don't want to make this seem like it is all about money though, it's not).

Also, ex has a history of doing this. Last time she asked me to change flights it was to accommodate her taking the kids to a birthday party of a close relative of mine, which my ex told me the kids were very much looking forward to. I changed the flights (at my cost), the kids knew nothing about the party and she didn't take them to the party. It was all just wasted time with the kids, and wasted money.

 

[AllForHer]

So, make your suggestion after the kids arrive into your care. Give her as many other choices for her to consider as you choose, let her decide how important that four hours is to her.

It is about money when you're talking about a difference of four hours. If it was a few days or a week, sure, but four hours? Come on.

 

[Lennon]

The 4 hours matter. I have plans for that day which I'll have to totally cancel (we're going away for two nights, getting a ferry home the day that they leave - this will be impossible if they get a morning flight instead of an afternoon flight).

They're my sons. I see them twice a year. It matters.

 

[Lennon]

Does getting an early night when they get home actually matter? More than spending quality time with the parent they see twice a year?

I should add that they will be leaving an earlier tome zone - the time when they land will be 10.30pm, but they will be adjusted to my time zone so it will only feel like it is 8.30pm to them.

 

[AllForHer]

You misunderstand me.

What I'm asking, rhetorically I'll add, is if four hours should matter to her. A cost impost of $400 to get the kids home four hours earlier is absolutely unreasonable, but if it's really about the kids and not just about the inconvenience to her (or about costing you an unnecessary $400), then she should absolutely have no problem covering that cost herself, should she?

I'm betting she won't.

 

[Lennon]

Oh sorry AllForHer - I agree that those 4 hours shouldn't matter to her given the enormous amount of uninterrupted time she has with them during the year.

You have identified the real issue - the timing of the flight is inconvenient to her. She will never admit this is why she wants the flights changed though lol.

 

[sammy01]

ok - just a thought - I"ve been guilty of this too... Over thinking stuff. Yup you're right. 4 hours NO BIG DEAL... IT would be stupidity on her part to withold them for the sake of 4 hours...

I get what allforher is saying about waiting till the kids are with you then tell her that you're not changing the flights. BUT I disagree, don't play stupid games...

So let her know that you won't be changing the flights, however, you've taken her opinion on board and from now on you'll make sure the kids are on an earlier flight... Now worries, thanks for coming have a nice day...

I'd encourage you to go with that one... See how she replies.