NSW Sufficient Evidence to Change Family Court Orders?

[sammy01]

Ok so my thoughts - pick your battles and stay calm and learn to self-represent. If there is one thing I have learned and I think you have too is that solicitors are not worth the money. In fact, I sometimes think their advice is designed to drag things out, hence making them more money.

So is moving an option? And yep, it is all about minimising time for CSA...Would you fly to and visit the kids?

I do think going to court for a few extra weeks a year is really not worth it.

Ok, now as far as alienation goes... Yep I feel for ya. If you can't move near the kids, then just keep going with what you've got. Kids are 7? Seems like an eternity. But really you have to either wait till they are older, or move.

That said, forget contraventions for phone calls, but if she withholds the kids during holidays, go straight to court. Seek redress - the more she does that the more she is helping your case and maybe in a while you could apply for a change in residence...

 

[john boy]

There are still arguments I would like to add in that I wanted to have skyped calls or facetime instead of our current calls. I am wanting to see them each Month also on the Gold coast for a weekend. How could I get that if not to meet the threshold of Rice and Asplund?

It was not only about the extra 2 weeks of contact each school term as seeing me on the computer is a step up from talking over a phone and getting distracted by her .

 

[sammy01]

I gave up on phone calls. It just became a weekly torture session. Same with Skype. It just became an opportunity for her to cause conflict and I don't think the courts will help.

So book mediation. Get the mediation certificate and apply to court. They might knock you back. They might not. Or wait - if she does another contravention then take that to court and while there ask for the orders to be reviewed as they are not working. That is a way of scooting around Rice and Asplund...

Have you asked her to agree for you to travel and have the occasional weekend? You should do that in writing / via email. Even if you waste your money and travel because she agrees; only to have her change her mind when you get there... Still creates a paper trail and a history for you to present to court. Hopefully that wont happen. But have you asked? What was her response?

 

[john boy]

She won't agree to anything that isn't in the orders. I tried asking for a phone call at Christmas. There alone shows you her mentality.

My kids tonight were fighting over who got to say goodbye last and my son is telling me things he can't share with his Mother who supposedly is the primary attachment. He got upset about a kid at school and I can't go there as she had them added to her DVO this year and the School has been enlightened that it's best for others' safety I don't come there in case she's there.

I missed their 1st day of school and that killed me as they wanted me there. These occasions you never get back as I am sure you're well aware ....

 

[sammy01]

Yup - eldest child's first day of school - I wasn't there. Youngest kid's first father's day? Have a guess...

What about this one? She agreed for a phone call on Christmas day, but only for 5 mins... In writing. Set the time, too. Nope, I didn't answer. I called 5 times - once every hour... I called from the payphone - she answered. Realised it was me and hung up...

Oh, then she went to the cops and made a complaint that I was harassing her. I got called to the cop shop . Anyways, cops had a chat to me about how I could be charged with breach of AVO. So I showed them the parenting plan with the agreed phone call. The cops were pretty cool.

So, mate I understand. So some help that ain't legal advice. You have to learn to accept that crap - it happened. It can eat you alive and ruin the rest of your life.

So legal help - Can you move closer to her location?

If not - Get a good catalog of contraventions. Sadly, the best contravention you'll get is if she stops you from seeing the kids. Forget the phone calls. Then seek new orders via the contravention hearing and include in those orders something like - In the event that the father provides the mother with 60 days notice of his intention to be at such and such location, the mother will provide the children with access to the father for a 48 hour period.

So you can see the kids a few times a year on top of the holidays. Mate, that one is a huge win. Why? Well, it changes the power balance. You get to tell her. She will hate it. This is a huge power game.

She is winning on every front. That's why the phone calls are a bad idea. She has all the control. Once you start taking back some of the power, she'll be filthy and start learning she isn't the boss.

Next - you have to be clean as a whistle. Mate, every email - every conversation - I was a saint. She used to record me, she would get to changeovers, say something nasty, swear at me or whatever, then she would hit record. She wanted me to lose my sh*t and swear at her so she could take it to the cops.

Lesson here - you have to learn to play smarter... rant over.

 

[john boy]

Cheers Sammy

Seems like you know her well as her life prior to me was abusive and I found out only after she fell pregnant .Her explanation was if I told you, it would of scared you off. She loves to have power and it's why our relationship broke down .

These kids are my life and I count the weeks until I see them the next time and the hours up till their calls to hear that excitement in their voices. Just to hear them tell me I am the best Dad they have ..is worth all this crap I live.

You're a lucky guy to have your kids and I am sure you went through hell but they saw the truth and appreciate it now to be with you. Hopefully the day will come and mine come home to me. Children are smart and see things and know and I don't ridicule their mother as I know they love us both and are just caught in the middle .

Thanks mate

 

[sammy01]

Yep, look - I think you kind of need to see that others have been there too. So what is to stop you moving to near where the kids live?

 

[AllForHer]

It's my understanding he is a carer for his elderly father.

 

[john boy]

A carer for my Dad as my Mother is recently deceased. I cannot get employment in my field to which I have worked for 34 years and will more likely end up unemployed if I did move. I will lose all entitlements I have accumulated to walk away from my job. Not only will I be worse off financially and so will my children.

Easy to say to move closer as there is high unemployment where she lives. As well as no guarantees I would end up with more contact. Seeing as she is playing on the hostility between us to keep me at distance.

 

[sammy01]

Yep, fair enough - just looking for angles. If it was possible I'd would not suggest moving unless there was a change in the orders.

Does she work?

Mate I think for the minute you just need to be patient. Work on getting an agreement from her that provides you some additional access if you travel.

I don't think you got great advice when she moved - I would have sought urgent recovery orders. Mate just make the time you have with the kids count and get back to us when they are 12 and express a desire to live with you.

Until then just ask mum a few times a year for an extra visit. Do it in writing / via email- at least that way, you'll have something to show the kids to demonstrate that you wanted more time. And I know that is insignificant in comparison to what you would like to achieve. But if you do take it back to court - let us know how you go.