QLD Does Family Court Care About Breach of Consent Orders?

[Philly2020]

Thanks, and straight off the press (i.e. an email arrive 5 minutes ago) I have another difficult situation with my ex.

This is typical of how it goes.

My son opened up to me last night about being bullied by one kid at school. He doesn't want to go to school camp because of it.

I emailed his teacher last night (CC'ing my ex) and emailed my ex separately letting her know what was happening and that I would go to the school this morning AND she was welcome to come along. I got no response.

After meeting the teacher I emailed my ex with notes on the discussion and the outcome and got the response "Thank you for dealing with this. I did the same last year." (Sans letting me know of any issue, action or outcome - so who knows if it's true).

This afternoon I emailed my ex asking if I could take our son to the Information Session at the school for 1.5 hours next week (Suggested by the teacher). Her response was "Are you stupid? Read the consent orders."

I responded "I'm not sure what that means. If you were going to take him that's fine, I'll be there too."

Her response, "You are stupid. It's my day with the boys. Don't go to the school or I will not take him to the Information Session"

This is a typical exchange that happens every 2 or 3 weeks. If I have the children she bombards them with Snapchat messages and on her days with them I'm blocked from school excursions (once she said she would hold my boy home from school if I went as a helper on the excursion) or school activities.

You have every right to attend school events, excursions and information meetings for your children. Even if these days fall on 'her time', she cannot dictate what public areas you attend in your time. The same goes for any weekend sports, etc.

In fact, a court would probably encourage you to do go! Although your ex isn't breaching orders by witholding your son from these events she is alienating them and more obviously, not putting their interests first. It will definitely not look favorably for her. The fact you have attempted to reason and compromise will help you.

Document and screenshot everything!

 

[sammy01]

What do your orders say... Usually they say something about both parents being able to participate in school / extra-curricular events. do your orders say something like that?

You have consent orders right? They are final orders? true?
Then ignore all this BS.

Want to take them OS? Go to Darwin... You'll need to apply to court for passports if she wont agree. Too hard. Don't bother...

 

[Dad 2 + 1]

What do your orders say... Usually they say something about both parents being able to participate in school / extra-curricular events. do your orders say something like that?

You have consent orders right? They are final orders? true?
Then ignore all this BS.

Want to take them OS? Go to Darwin... You'll need to apply to court for passports if she wont agree. Too hard. Don't bother...

Orders are all in place and I work to orders. She doesn't, regularly breaking them for convenience or even just to try to initiate a new argument.

We're already in a long process of her apply to the court to vary the orders - specifically "days in care". Her initiating application was early 2018. We now have a date for a final hearing later this year.

When we first split her focus was # of nights. My focus was on what I would call "productive contact time". Essentially I wanted to maximise my weekends and she wanted as much child support as she could get. I currently have the kids every weekend (3 nights per week) + 2 nights in the last week off the month. That's what she wants to change.

In my response document I've suggested 2 more nights in week 4 and moving to a 28 day cycle instead of a monthly cycle. That takes me up from 38% care to 46% care and gives her an extra 4 weekends per year. That's the part I was asking about whether it was reasonable or not.

As for going to court for passports I've listed that in my "Orders Sought" and I guess we'll know the answer to that soon enough. Her claim is that she is "sure" I'll run off and not return with the kids. It's a ludicrous thought and completely unsupportable.

I have other suggestions in my orders sought that are focused on improving things for the kids. Her previous affidavits focus on how bad I am, her rights as a parent and what she wants.

 

[sammy01]

Ggrrrr - I asked what do the orders say about participating in school / extra curricular stuff?

Do you want more time with the kids?

 

[Dad 2 + 1]

ggrrrr - I asked what do the orders say about participating in school / extra curricular stuff???

Do you want more time with the kids?

Grrrr - I should have been more specific.

You said, "What do your orders say... Usually they say something about both parents being able to participate in school / extra-curricular events. do your orders say something like that? You have consent orders right? They are final orders? true?"

I said, "Orders are all in place and I work to orders."

Sorry for the frustration.

As with all family court matters it becomes complex because of so much "he said/she said".

 

[sammy01]

OK so calm down... I'm trying to help you... So again... What do the orders say? Quote them...Specifically, what do they say about schools? Orders routinely say something to the effect that both parents can be involved in school stuff.

So the point I'm trying to get you to is where you can write back to her and say something like.

Dear ex,

No, I am not stupid and it is preferable that you avoid this form of negativity in your communications. Please read order XXXX. It clearly states that I am entitled to attend events at the school.

Old mate - read what is in the orders and use them to win the argument... easy

 

[Dad 2 + 1]

Hi Sammy,

Thanks again. Ya know... I'm actually past all of the "bickering" that goes on and I can say in every literal sense of the word - my ex is a narcissist. I understand no matter what it is she will try to create a new argument over anything - because that's how she feels energised.

My response for years has been to minimise contact and not respond to the more ridiculous retorts. Recently I found out my natural response has a name - grey rocking. She can do or say anything she wants and I just let it pass by.

Maybe I should explain something to give some perspective:

• We go to mediation every year (5 years in a row) - initiated by her, but all that happens is she makes bizarre demands, I reject them and wait for the next notice to go back to mediation;
• My ex initiated the most recent court action almost 18 months ago because she wants to reduce my time with the kids. This coincided with me remarrying;
• We have a final hearing date set and I'm preparing for that date;
• She has logged three very different affidavits to the courts in the past 18 months - all with quite strange demands of me and the court, and even seeking an injunction over the federal police to arrest me if I do XYZ;
• My ex has threatened and harassed my new wife (including in text and FB messages), and publicly denigrated me - in front of the kids (breaching court orders about not denigrating either parent in front of the children);
• She has tried to control what I do with the kids when they are with me (i.e. school involvement, refusing to take the kids to sporting activities if I'm there, etc)
• She has breached consent orders related to the children's birthdays three years in a row;
• She accuses her own lawyer from the initial mediation process (Where Consent Orders were agreed) of bullying her, "intimidating her" and misleading her (thus the consent orders are invalid in her mind)
• She abused a Magistrate in court when falsely accusing me of domestic violence (I have the transcripts from the court);
• The family consultant report recommends no change to the current arrangement but commented on my ex "acting out aggressively" when told she can't control what the kids do when they are with me;
• She ignored court orders about going to POP classes before we went to court-ordered mediation (to avoid a final hearing);
• She not only flatly refuses to let me take the kids on overseas holidays but also wants me to only holiday with them inside of my state.

Don't worry - I know how crazy all of the above and we've progressed slowly towards this (not so final) showdown (not so final because I know that we'll be back in court one day even if she gets some of the things she wants this time).

I've documented everything carefully since before separation in 2012 and the main thing on my mind right now is how much to present to the court and how not to appear like I'm attacking her - rather than just doing what's best for the kids.

 

[Tremaine]

Out of curiousity, how much time did the original consent orders facilitate? How much time is she seeking now? How much time are you seeking now?

 

[Dad 2 + 1]

Out of curiousity, how much time did the original consent orders facilitate? How much time is she seeking now? How much time are you seeking now?

Current arrangement has been in place for over 5 years. CSA calculates it as 38% at my home, 62% at her home.

Essentially, in a monthly cycle I have:

• Every weekend (3 nights) except the last weekend of the month (when they are with her)
• 2 nights in the last week off the month.
• Equal share of school holidays

I focused on productive time with the kids, she focused on getting the maximum nights in care.

Her previous affidavits in this case have included requested orders ranging from:

• 4 nights per fortnight (28%) to;
• "Satisfied with the father having less than 35%".

She wrongfully claims the children are suffering under the current orders, the schedule is confusing, and number of changeovers have to be reduced.

I'm asking for:

• Keeping what we have had in place for 5 years but move to a 28 day cycle instead of monthly (as some months have 5 weeks). This would also give her approximately 4 more weekends per year, and;
• The boys stay with me 2 extra nights in week 4 (reducing number of changeovers).

Children suffering?:
I will be presenting report cards showing outstanding results (with one child winning an academic award last year) and both children have exemplary behavioural reports from school.

Schedule confusing?:
It is confusing when she repeatedly breaks consent orders and just doesn't show up with the kids some weekends, and other weekends drops them off when it was her weekend.

Excessive changeovers?:
I'm saying less changeovers can only be good, but dramatic change is bad... so just give me 2 more nights at the end of the cycle and we remove 2 changeovers.

 

[Rod]

Get her declared vexatious so she needs approval from a court before she can file future claims.

Consider applying for sole parental responsibility.