NSW Car to be Repossessed - Ex Refusing to Pay Car Loan?

[Louise too]

Thank you for your reply.

The fact she told kids that it was my fault the car got taken away is outrageous. She is telling kids I do not care about them and I made the car go away. And I put their mum in financial ruin! This is all on text from her.

She said if I don’t buy her a car and increase child support payments she can’t take care of the kids. She has done this before. She handed the kids over to me for 2 nights then she picked up kids and said she wants them back.

I’m thinking a letter from my lawyer stating if she does not want the kids, something needs to be in writing ASAP so kids are not going from one patent to another. And parent alienation needs to stop.

Any suggestions about what I can do for the kids' sake and stop her upsetting the kids even more? A letter from the lawyer?

 

[Atticus]

Your solicitor should be kept up to date with her latest shenanigans and dummy spit... Is it worth the cost of a letter from your solicitor... I guess that would depend on how likely she is to take the slightest bit of notice of it.

Definitely retain all correspondence from her though should it be needed in future... I guess there was almost always going to be some fallout from having the car taken... Dosen't mean you have made the wrong decision though.. You made the right decision...How long is she going to spit the dummy for this time. Who knows, she may pick them up in a day or two again... Don't fall for the blackmail and bullying.. You don't need to buy her a car or increase your child support above the amount assessed by CSA.

 

[Louise too]

Ok. Just worried if she refuses to pick up kids again. Girls become upset. Wondering when they see mum again and wonder what the hell is going on.

Then I have to work. I can’t work until the ex decides to be mum again, which results in an already cranky boss and no money due to no work.

If I have the kids full time, that’s great but I do not know how to urgently to put this in place. So the kids are not continuously being disrupted and exposed to their mum encouraging them to hate me and involving them in adults issues.

 

[Atticus]

Understand... I'm guessing she knows full well the upheaval it causes you and has little regard for how it's affecting the kids. If this is a regular occurrence every time she dosen't get what she wants, perhaps get your solicitors opinion on involving child services. They may like to interview her about this alleged behavior

 

[Louise too]

Understand... I'm guessing she knows full well the upheaval it causes you and has little regard for how it's affecting the kids. If this is a regular occurrence every time she dosen't get what she wants, perhaps get your solicitors opinion on involving child services. They may like to interview her about this alleged behavior

Ok, that’s great help. Thank you. I have the girls every Thursday to Sunday evening every weekend. Sometimes she refuses to take back the girls on Sundays cause she is tired. Then I am left with trying to organize someone to take the girls to school or my patents if the boss wants me to work.

She has handed over girls to me December last year for 1 night. Girls were so upset not knowing why mum did not pick them up and when they will see her again. She picked up the girls early from school the next day.

Then she withheld girls from me on Jan 19 because I did not adhere to her terms and did not stat dec. Kids were crying most of the time as their mum told them I chose not to see them. (Ex told me this) She handed them back the next weekend after I was advised to get a lawyer to send a letter. Now she is threatening to hand over kids again due to having no car and reduced child support payments. (I also pay for uniforms sports and excursions)

This is driving myself and the girls crazy. It’s very distressing for them and causes a lot of anxiety. Either way, it needs to be in writing and enforced so she stops upsetting girls and stops affecting work and everyone running around making arrangements trying to pick up girls, etc. last minute.

It’s in the process trying to go to court. But I’m in the process of getting financial disclosure papers together for the settlement.

 

[sammy01]

Let her have her dummy spit - it was to be expected. Let he settle down and most importantly, don't let it get to you.... Mate she wants to divorce you but not your wallet.

Not legal advice - mate if the kids ask, tell them. Be respectful about mum, but explain that you've been paying for that car and you can't afford to pay for it... If mum wants a car, mum buys a car.

Legal advice... Do you have final court orders? If you do follow them... If you don't, then mum's behaviour over this car is crazy and while there is a bit of pain in this for you right now, she is helping your cause as far as any conversations with magistrate about parenting matters.

Just checking - she was told the car was gonna be taken? She had an opportunity to prevent this? True.

Do everything you can to prevent the car from being released... Preferably, insist she can have the car back only when the debt is paid in full. You can agree to have the funds released from the money held in trust if you want, while you're likely to wind up with a smaller pie to divide later and she will have the car, that is a better result than her no car, your credit rating copping more hits... But at least you won't be paying the debt on your own...

Do not agree for her to sell the car. She will keep the proceeds from the sale and you will still have the debt.

final thought - mate she sounds like she is all about conflict. You're not gonna change that, so you need to employ strategies to maintain your mental health and to minimise the impact her craziness is having on the kids. Sure this is a law forum, but a bit of amateur psychology is also sometimes warranted as advice..... Stay calm. Don't respond. Don't let the ex see that she is causing you grief and things will start to improve AND the kids will see that dad is sane and mum is a nutter... Mate my ex used to tell the kids they couldn't do stuff and it was all dad's fault. They resent he for it now and at the time the kids made comments indicating they could see one parent was being fair, calm and reasonable and the other was not.... GOOD

 

[Louise too]

Ok, thank you for your time replying.

Yes, I have all in text that I gave her heaps of opportunities to pay out the car from the trust. But she said no.

Just unsure if she refuses the kids then wants them back and refuses them again. Not sure what I can do legally?

 

[Atticus]

Legally? If you have no formal parenting orders in place probably not much... All I can offer is as stated earlier. If this a regular occurrence and it reads like it is, then it is obviously causing psychological harm to the kids.. Ask your solicitors opinion on having child services look into paying her a visit.. May be a reality check for her, hopefully..

Other than that, as sammy01 says.. Digging herself a hole with the family court every time she pull this kind of stunt.

 

[Kyl]

Just be as honest as you can with the kids. Depending on their age will depend on how you go about answering their questions. Also maybe set about making sure when they are in your care that you plan to do things with them that will keep you all focused away from your ex’s antics.

Go on picnics, visit local parks, cook together, make things with them, etc there are so many great natural walking tracks, beaches and things to see and do that don’t cost much if anything at all. Your local council or tourist info centre can be a great help.

If they play Xbox or similar play with them or just sit and watch them and ask about what they know about the game. This way when your kids come the focus is on them and you rather than developing an expectation that you are going to enter into the conflict as your ex sees it. It’s exhausting but at least you can take your kids' mind off the need to have adult questions answered by keeping them busy and sharing your relationship with them.

Look up ‘gaslighting’ too. This is where your ex will do things to make you react and make you look like the bad person, there are strategies you can learn about so you aren’t trapped into this sort of thing by your ex.

 

[Louise too]

Ok thank you for your reply.

My eldest daughter who is 10, she was hiding mobile phone her mum gave her to use when at my house and found the phone along with texts that were they were both badmouthing me on it.

I had very good talk with her and said only to be used for nice words and goodnight etc. No bad talking. I also sent a message to my ex staying if I see another bad message from her, the phone is taken away.

How would the court look at this? Is there anything I can do about this legally?