I am trying to co-parent with a narc. I saw through his mask, and he is after revenge at any and every turn. We have been separated over 5 years and through one child, he has had me in courts on and off for the last 5 years.
We finally got final orders which says we equal parent, but the child lives with mother... One of the orders says if the child expresses a strong wish to both parents or a third party for more than 3 months we need to work through how we can make this happen (pretty much). The child displayed strong behaviour and desire (refusing school etc) wanting to try living with the other parent. Rather than jump through hoops.. I allowed this to occur with a statement of agreement through email, that it was a trial, for a minimum school term. Child seemed to do well at school. I saw child at 6 weeks, then again at 12 weeks, then 15 weeks.
At 12 week mark child said he wanted to come back. We both spoke to the father about his concerns. These were promptly dismissed and the child said he'd settled back in and was ok. Roll on 15 weeks, child spends time back with mother in home and refuses to go back.
Mum informs dad that child has refused.. and has been battling father and father's threats through his solicitors ever since (mother is self represented). Child discloses abuse, which mother reports to child protection. Child refuses to tell father why he won't return, other than he is more comfortable living with the mother. Mother can't tell father exactly why as he will find a way to use it back onto her.
Father keeps threatening recovery order (which I technically think isn't something he can do, given the evidence to the final orders, the mother allowing the child to "try" living with dad, and now voting with his feet not to return. We have alluded to the abuse, but haven't spelt it out yet. This will be done if he starts an application in the court when we are asked about notice of risk.
In the meantime the father's solicitor has dictated that we make the child attend an independent psychologist some 2.5 hours drive each way, which we have done. We are now waiting for his report as to what the child's wishes are, before the father starts his application.
I have no money. He has plenty to continue the fight. I need for this to stop. My health is deteriorating and so is the child's. The child's anxiety is lifting again after having to attend this latest appointment. In the orders I am banned from saying anything about the "case" to the child, so I have to say virtually nothing, so he thinks I am keeping stuff from him. Any advice please?
Particularly someone legally who has dealt with high conflict and NPD or BPD. For the last 5 years, mostly all correspondence is via text or email, because he will deny anything spoken via phone, facetime or in person. So although we attempt to co-parent, it is really parrallel parenting, as I don't wish to engage him and feed the "supply" he gets from any attention from me.
We finally got final orders which says we equal parent, but the child lives with mother... One of the orders says if the child expresses a strong wish to both parents or a third party for more than 3 months we need to work through how we can make this happen (pretty much). The child displayed strong behaviour and desire (refusing school etc) wanting to try living with the other parent. Rather than jump through hoops.. I allowed this to occur with a statement of agreement through email, that it was a trial, for a minimum school term. Child seemed to do well at school. I saw child at 6 weeks, then again at 12 weeks, then 15 weeks.
At 12 week mark child said he wanted to come back. We both spoke to the father about his concerns. These were promptly dismissed and the child said he'd settled back in and was ok. Roll on 15 weeks, child spends time back with mother in home and refuses to go back.
Mum informs dad that child has refused.. and has been battling father and father's threats through his solicitors ever since (mother is self represented). Child discloses abuse, which mother reports to child protection. Child refuses to tell father why he won't return, other than he is more comfortable living with the mother. Mother can't tell father exactly why as he will find a way to use it back onto her.
Father keeps threatening recovery order (which I technically think isn't something he can do, given the evidence to the final orders, the mother allowing the child to "try" living with dad, and now voting with his feet not to return. We have alluded to the abuse, but haven't spelt it out yet. This will be done if he starts an application in the court when we are asked about notice of risk.
In the meantime the father's solicitor has dictated that we make the child attend an independent psychologist some 2.5 hours drive each way, which we have done. We are now waiting for his report as to what the child's wishes are, before the father starts his application.
I have no money. He has plenty to continue the fight. I need for this to stop. My health is deteriorating and so is the child's. The child's anxiety is lifting again after having to attend this latest appointment. In the orders I am banned from saying anything about the "case" to the child, so I have to say virtually nothing, so he thinks I am keeping stuff from him. Any advice please?
Particularly someone legally who has dealt with high conflict and NPD or BPD. For the last 5 years, mostly all correspondence is via text or email, because he will deny anything spoken via phone, facetime or in person. So although we attempt to co-parent, it is really parrallel parenting, as I don't wish to engage him and feed the "supply" he gets from any attention from me.
