QLD Query on Precedents and Case Law on Austlii?

[sammy01]

Hell no... Mate look into what you need to do. I had a quick look online and you can get a test for about $200...

So you asked if Grandma could meet her own grandchild and she said no and cancelled the visit... What do you reckon she is gonna do if you ask her for a paternity test? You're basically questioning her honesty...

If you can do a test without her knowing then you have a heads up one way or another.... The real problem you'll have then is that your name is on a birth certificate and the only way to get it removed is via a court ordered paternity test and that is gonna suck. But better to go to court knowing the result of a paternity test than second guessing.

 

[new dad]

With the child support and the DVO thing, that's what I figured was the case too. It's almost like it has all been planned out, at least that's how it seems.

They won't give me any time alone with the child, they are insisting on supervised visits, by people of their choosing. She doesn't want to use contact center, and has come along to the visits with out any problems.

On the first trip she actually asked if I wanted some extra time with just her and the child and we did that and it all went well and she even left the kid with me while she went shopping, but at the end she said that we had to keep it a secret otherwise she would look foolish. Obviously I didn't agree but thought twice about trying to contact her family and make a point of it.

She is not afraid of me. On the last visit she called me at night and asked if I was willing to have more kids with her (which i declined as gently as possible). She has called me a lot but I believe she keeps all those calls secret too.

 

[sammy01]

So what is your gut feeling? Is the child biologically yours?

I'm not a nice guy... Don't even think for a second that I'm a saint. Not evevn close.

If I were you and I was to move away from all my family and friends, work stuff I know, etc, etc to live on the other side of the country so I could be an active dad for my kid I would to whatever it takes (within the parameters of the law) to get maximum time with the child...

If that meant feigning an interest in having some sort of relationship with the ex, then do it... But document everything and try and get any communication about any additional time with the child done as text messages so there is irrefutable evidence.

 

[new dad]

Also, some of these supervisors have sent me texts saying how well it went... That's obvious how much i care for the child...but now they have banned me having any communication with the supervisors at all (in no uncertain terms). Her dad said that it creates conflict. I think that maybe the supervisors are seeing that what the ex says about me doesn't line up with reality and that's what is creating conflict over there.

 

[new dad]

Gut feeling is that, yep, probably mine, but mum would be happy with one of two scenarios:

1) I return to her and submit to lifetime of seriously dysfunctional relationship and submit to total control....

2) Walk away completely and have nothing to do with the child

Neither are very appealing to me.

 

[new dad]

Short term, I don't have a lot of concerns for the child's welfare, but long term (based on my experience with the mother) as the child develops his own identity and personality, I am concerned about enmeshment of the mother and child relationship, parentification of the child, and certainly alienation of me. The consequences of these things are truly a frightening prospect for my son.

I accept that there is no way to say this will happen but....

 

[sammy01]

Yep I understand... But I do see a trend happening in society where there are more father's being primary carers... It is just a casual observation as a male primary carer and as a school teacher, so I'm meeting lots more single dads who are doing it on their own, or with little assistance from mum...

If you're on the scene and in a few years mum has had enough of the whole parenting thing...Well happy days... While it is still the exception, I do think that some mother's (and fathers) for what ever reason lose the interest in parenting.

My experience was that the mother of my kids was of the opinion that she was the most important thing in their world and my opinion meant very little... By the time the youngest was 3, the kids were with me and she was 6 hours away....

 

[new dad]

hi all, i have tried to look at this thing from every angel and come up with the best course of action and there is none that is ideal in the short term, i was wondering if you guys might consider this course of action and if it might go against me in court further down the track

stay in Qld for the next 2 years and finish my degree

continue to go and visit as much as possible, send presents, ask for updates and photos ect

continue to be nonreactive and pleasant in any communication (even if the same is not coming back)

continue to do courses, and maybe get involved in coaching kids in the sport i do and am passionate about, maybe even join some other community organization like volunteer fire fighters or something

by that time the dvo will have well and truly run its course without incident or further allegations

so the ex has cut the final line of direct communication (email) she calls me but i dont have her phone number, now the communication is through her dad via email, fine, maybe that is a good thing, this might limit her ability to play mind games and means communication will be filtered through what seems to be a rational person, it was her decision to cut communication without grounds which i can prove i believe

stop answering her calls from a private number, no more behavior that she intends to keep secret, every thing out in the open

hopefully after 2 years it is clear that i am not interested in a relationship with her and she might even have moved on to the next poor bastard, which might take the focus of her dysfunctions off me and on to the new guy ( as much as i hate the idea of another man playing dad to my boy, i accept that this is probably going to happen at some point and just hope that he is a good role model for my son)

make a concerted effort to learn how to self represent in the family court over the next 2 years

the last year has taken a considerable toll on me, use the time to rebuild my self emotionally, rebuild my life, and hopefully get a bit more financial

move to WA in two years in a planned and deliberate way once the degree is complete ( when my son is 2.5 / 3 years old ) and i am coming from a position of personal strength, and petition the court for meaningful and significant access that increases incrementally over time until hopefully a shared custody arrangement can be reached

it breaks my heart not being around my son, but i want to be smart and considered about this, do you think that this approach might go down ok with a judge when it comes before one