VIC Queries on Father's Visitation Rights?

[Akgp11]

I am seeking some help on a situation to do with visitation rights and a new "stepmum" in my child's life.

There are family court orders in place that state the child lives with me and sees the father two nights a fortnight as in accordance with father's work roster. The father is supposed to provide me with a copy every three months, however, this had rarely happened. He is asking to have our child during the week for overnight stays, but I am concerned as our child is in kinder prep next year that the stress of two homes and schooling will be too much to take on.

The child also has attention and behaviour issues that we are working on and this is another reason why I am concerned that it may be too much at this age right now. I have suggested day visits whenever the father is available however he knocked that back. Onto my second subject, my child's father is in a new relationships possibly only been in this relationship 6-8 months and now they are expecting a child together. Every time I try to speak to my child's father he says We disagree or we will see.

His partner is also doing up rosters when they can have our child, however, she is stipulating things not him. I cannot speak to my child's father without her. I didn't take the relationship very seriously as my child's father is a serial dater and has dated many women before. So I still do not believe this will last with or without a child present.

I guess I would like help on if I have a foot to stand on about stopping weeknight stays as per my concerns and what help I can get on trying to deal with the child's father without the partner being involved in his every say.

 

[Rod]

There are two issues in your post.

1. Complying with court orders. You can put your foot down and say I am staying with the court orders. His response may be to go back to court seeking a variation. Or you mutually agree on a variation you are both happy with.

2. Adaptability of children

that the stress of two homes and schooling will be too much to take on.

Assuming there is no underlying medical condition, the single biggest factor to a child's ability to adapt is the attitude of the parents. Kids are very adaptable creatures and can cope with a lot in a supportive household/s.

If the child sees or suspects there is something wrong from you about having two houses as homes he/she may well pickup on that concern and in wanting to please you show the same concern. Just do what is best for your child, not what is best for you.

 

[AllForHer]

Where the concern is only the child's capacity to cope, the Court is unlikely to agree that overnight time is a problem, because the child's capacity to cope with two homes is 100% dependent on the child's parents. You can either make it difficult for the child by projecting your anxieties on to him, or you can make it easy on the child by being encouraging of the child's time with dad and trusting that dad is a parent the same as you.

It's also up to dad what happens with the step-parent. If their household works more fluidly when it's the partner who does the scheduling, then that's good for them. It's not a concern for you.

Like the above said, you can just stick to the orders and be done with it. He will then have to apply for a variation of he wants them changed. If he wants mid-week overnight time, he will probably get it because the legislation favours equal or 'substantial and significant' time, which is a combination of weekends, weekdays, holiday time and special occasions. The old 'every other weekend' regime is pretty archaic now, dads usually get significantly more time than that if they choose to go to court, so the other option is to attend mediation and come up with an agreement amicably.