SA No Family Court Orders - How to Respond to Abusive Texts?

[Aussiemum1]

My ex and I have been separated for over two years now. We have no family court orders but have been to mediation twice and done parenting plans (I know not a legal document until stamped as such).

My ex moved three hours away about 3 months ago, so the parenting plan went out the window. He only had requested 4 hours access over a week period spread out over three days. I offered for him to have our son for a week during last school holidays and he lasted just under a week before demanding I drive 3 hours to pick him up as he had enough of his behaviour. So I did.

Since that time (2 months ago), he had no contact for one month and then one phone call per week up until now. He hasn't seen him in two months. He has demanded I drive our 5-year-old son to him for Father's Day as he has no petrol. I've told him it's a six-hour round trip and too long for our son and if he could meet half way to see him for a couple hours. He agreed, then later that night, sent me a text saying not to bother with it, he's over it all, etc. Sorry having breakdown.

I left it until the next day and said okay, won't meet and can call him if he wishes to.

He has now started in with talking about lawyers, etc. and going for full custody of children, etc., which I've already contacted legal aid and lined up more mediation because I'm sick of the abuse and the inconsistency for our son.

My main question is, he is still demanding I drive him to him on Sunday. I have told him repeatedly no, I won't. He has spoken to our son and told him the "mum is bringing you to see me on Sunday for Father's Day" and has now sent me an address where he wants me to go. How do I reply to this?

I know there is nothing legal in place and I hate that he has told our son that I am doing it when I'm not and now I have to try and explain it to him. But what can I do in the meantime? Do I give in and take him ? Or stand my ground?

Sorry, for long essay but I'm at my wits end and so overwhelmed with the verbal harassment via text I've been receiving and he just doesn't want to take no for an answer.

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, so ordinarily, I would suggest standing your ground, since it doesn't sound like dad is terribly invested as a parent (however, we are only hearing one side the story).

The complication, however, is that this Sunday is Father's Day, which means it is one of those special occasions that is of significance not just to dad, but also to the child, and the last thing you want to be seen as is the parent who doesn't support or encourage the child's relationship with both parents.

I understand the parenting plan doesn't stand for a great deal when he's relocated three hours away, but what does it say about Father's Day?

 

[Aussiemum1]

For Mother's Day and Father's Day, we have the option of spending time with the other parent. And I'm not against it, we had arranged to meet half way and I am still willing to do that but he is refusing at present to even compromise a little bit. He says he has no money for petrol to travel up here and I don't have enough to travel down there plus arrange somewhere to stay or drive a six hour round trip.

I've always tried to make it easy for him and offer extra access if he wanted it while living near by which most times he didn't.

 

[AllForHer]

Is there anything in the parenting plan about how the changeovers work? E.g. Does it say dad picks the child up from your house at the commencement of the child's time with him, etc?

 

[Aussiemum1]

Off the top of my head I don't believe so. When he lived in the same town he did all the pick up and dropping off as he lived around the corner. I have started the process of mediation again but just stuck as to what to do for Father's Day.

 

[sammy01]

If you text him and in that text state that you're willing to meet half way, that would seem the reasonable thing to do. It ain't your fault he hasn't got petrol money.

Look it was his choice to move 3 hours away.

As far as offensive texts, don't respond. Pretend they didn't happen and move on. Simple

 

[AllForHer]

I think meeting half way is reasonable, then. Like Sammy said, it was his choice to move without negotiating a change to the parenting plan, and if there's nothing about who drives the child for changeover, then you're making a reasonable effort to make the child available for time with dad on Father's Day.

Since it doesn't sound like he's likely to retain the child without your consent, perhaps you could offer to drive the child halfway on the Saturday, and then pick him up halfway on the Sunday so their time together can be somewhat quality, and make sure you have confirmation of his agreement by, say, tomorrow afternoon. If he doesn't agree before then, then don't both taking the child to the meeting point. The onus is on both parties to show their commitment to their role as parents, not just on one to ensure both parents are involved.

 

[Aussiemum1]

Thank you for your replies, it's been an ongoing saga and while I know everyone has their share of blame with a separation, it's been like banging head against a brick wall the last couple years.

It just pains me because the child is stuck in the middle and doesn't understand.

I'm going to text him that I will meet him half way and see how it pans out