QLD Homeschooling Issue - Should Father Fight for Custody of Children?

[Rod]

This is why I'd do nothing until the Xmas school holidays and then test the waters.

If you apply to vary orders now - or 2 months time, there is no guarantee of success whereas you currently have the child living with you. I say keep a low profile, build up more time and then hint around xmas time about how well she is doing and suggest she should stay at this school. The mother's reaction will then give a guide as to what you do.

 

[nibler1300]

And what do we do if Mother applies for a recovery order?
CSA assessments came through this morning.
Mother is not required to pay anything in Child Support.

 

[Rod]

You contest the recovery order. Too unsettling for the child considering she just moved and has settled in. Not in the child's best interest in another move so soon.

 

[nibler1300]

Hi Everyone!
Long time since I've needed to post but needing some advise!
Child has been in our care since April, She has seen her Mum for 4 days during the April school holidays (as she was only with us for 1.5 weeks prior to the holidays starting) and 10 days over the July school holidays.
Baackground
Since having her in our care, we have contacted counsellors (through my partners work) regarding SD6 behaviour and they have recommended a psychologist. We have spoken to the psychologist and based on what WE have said, she is of strong belief child has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). We have gotten SD6 a mental health plan and have an appointment to see the same psychologist on Thursday.
Teacher at school has also noticed poor behaviour (not violent behaviour anymore, moreso just a constant need for attention and very emotionally immature) and Teacher handles her well and notifies us when she sees it as appropriate.

Since having her in our care, communication between BioMum and us has been great, I've even talked to her over the phone. We did not have an issue.

UNTIL SD6 got back here after the 10 days.

SD6 started pooing her pants. I had found 7 pairs hidden. I questioned SD6 when this had started and she said at Mum's house. SD6 did not get into trouble as this is regression and obviously due a consequence of SOMETHING happening. She said Mum knew about it and told her not to tell us. Father tried to call BioMum 5 times in 3 days. Never heard back.
Communication between SD6 and BioMum has been limited (not due to us) - SD6 will only spend 5 minutes on the phone to her Mum since being back. This is particularly strange because before she went she was spending 30 - 60 minutes on the phone. One day, Father and I even told SD6 to call Mum back and talk to her more (because SD6 was only on the phone for 2 minutes before saying "I don't have anything to tell you Mum")

BioMum has not had ANY communication with me or my partner since SD6 has been back.
2 days ago, she sent a message basically saying - and I'm paraphrasing here! - "Give me the details of her therapist and an update on her progress please". Father replies "well that's what I was calling about. The appointment has been moved to Thursday so will give you an update then. Also, how come you didnt tell us that she had started pooing her pants again"

Mother's response was "Well don't call me." and "What? When did that happen?" and then she stopped replying.

We didn't push it.

Yesterday, she was sent school photos envelope and asked if she wanted school photos. She responded saying "If SD6 is allowed to contact me or [OTHER CHILD] please get her to video call tomorrow". Fathers response was basically "she has never not been allowed to contact you and vise versa. If anything, I have encouraged it more. Dunno what is going on or why you have stopped communicating with us".

No response.

We haven't brought up anything about orders but orders still say that she has majority custody. We would like to get this changed before the end of the year.
How do we go about changing them?
Do we ask Mum to sign something saying orders are officially swapped and send them to the courts? What is the process of doing that or what is the process if she refuses?
I personally don't think it's a good time to ask BM as she will probably say no out of spite. When is a good time?

 

[nibler1300]

So SD6 went for her first psychologist appointment. Where she and the psych talked for 20 minutes alone. In that time, SD6 has disclose physical trauma experienced at the hands of her Mother. We are currently unsure of the severity of how often this occurs. Psychologist didn't want to push as it was supposed to be an ice-breaker session.

SD6 is due to go back to her Mum's house for September school holidays. At this point, we are unsure whether she should be going or not.

SD6 is scheduled for another psychologist appointment in September (before holidays) and will have another appointment after the holidays.

Not sure what to do.
We have every intention to ask psychologist to tell us whether she feels (based on what SD6 says) if Mum's house is safe for SD6 or not.

We are also very aware that withholding SD6 opens up another can of worms for us.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[sammy01]

Easy..

If psychologist says send the kid then send the kid. IF the psychologist says don't send the kid, then don't send the kid. Sending the kid against psychologist advice then relying upon psychologist is gonna be problematic.
AND I'm pretty confident my info is right here - but I'm in NSW... Psychologist is going to be a mandatory notifier of child abuse... IF psychologist thinks there is a problem they will notify Doc's. So you'll have a paper trail to support your reasons for withholding.

 

[nibler1300]

Hi sammy

Yes, psych is a mandatory reporter.

In terms of withholding (this will only occur if psych tells us that it is NOT safe her SD6 to return)
Mum will have legal aid. We simply cannot afford a lawyer.
Do we need to have a lawyer in this type of situation?

 

[sammy01]

so mum will have legal aid... That isn't a bad thing...

But you guys will have to self rep. SADLY one or two of the best folk here to advise on that have stopped posting... Do you need a solicitor? Well no you can self rep and this place is one of many that will provide advice. Some solicitors will give an hour free consultation, so you can go pick their brains and there are community legal services through community centres.
Self repping is hard work. I've never had to do it in court, I have written letters to solicitors that represented the ex. I was always of the thinking that IF it was something relatively small like IF the ex failed to follow the orders and provide access, I would have self-represented on that sorta stuff.... IF it was big like relocating 1000km away hence hindering my capacity to see the kids THEN I'd throw every cent as a barrister to get the ex to return...

so a bit like mechanics, I can change a tyre... No need for expert help there, but repairing a car that broke down... Find the money....

Just work with the psychologist... You might find with a Doc's notification IF Doc's follow up they could direct you to keep the kid and threaten you with legal action if you put the kid in harms way.... Sounds strange but that would be a GREAT result for you.

 

[nibler1300]

Thanks for your help

Another question... because Mum refused to sign paperwork, technically, court docs still say she has majority custody.
IF psychologist report comes back that SD6 is not to be in the immediate care of her Mum and we withhold her upon receiving this advice. If Mum puts through a recovery order based on court docs, what is the process? How do we fight it?

 

[sammy01]

ok so I think you should facilitate access until you have good paperwork that tells you to stop.
So a letter from doc's informing about a risk of harm. So IF mum applies for a recovery order you have paperwork that shows the kid has been in your care for a good length of time so there is consistency of care AND there is some official paperwork showing risk of harm.

How to fight it? present those documents to the court to refute the argument for the recovery order.

Bad news - So let me use my case as an example. My kids are 12, 9 and 7. They live in a mobile home beside mum's house when they go for visits. Kids tell me they're sworn at and hit, not just smacked. We have bed wetting upon their return. The kids do not express a huge desire to go visit mum nor do they have a huge protest about it. I think it all adds up to bad parenting and I hate it but I don't think it enough to withhold the kids... But the one thing I have going for me is the eldest is 12.... So she is more able to articulate the