NSW Family Law - How to Deal with High-Conflict Mother?

[Philly2020]

Father is in a very difficult co-parenting relationship with high conflict mother. Mother bombards father with threatening and intimidating messages and emails, and father has asked his partner to help him construct eloquent responses.

Mother believes these responses are not written by father (sent from his phone, but the style of writing is clearly different to father normal texts) and has advised the father that she will not be responding to any correspondence she believes to be written by the father's partner.

Obviously, petty.

I feel almost ridiculous for asking, but can someone please confirm for me that this sort of behaviour is clearly unreasonable and obstructive, and is seen this way by the courts.

Please do not tell me this argument has any merit whatsoever in family law.

Keep in mind, father's partner has been in a relationship with father for 4 years and shared parenting responsibilities of the child during this time.

 

[Tremaine]

Eh. I usually engineer my partner’s responses to his ex - I’m less emotionally invested, so I can ignore the personal attacks and rambling, and just focus on the task at hand. If she refused to respond to messages that she suspected were written by me, she would probably never get a response because she’s made herself too difficult for my partner to deal with.

My view, when you or your partner writes a message, give her choices and tell her which one you’ll be following through with if she doesn’t respond. If she refuses to respond, tell her no worries, and do the thing you said you were going to do.

Don’t worry about what the court thinks of this particular thing. If she raises it in her affidavit, don’t even merit it with a response or acknowledgement. If you’re trying to communicate and she’s not, that’s all the court needs to know.

 

[sammy01]

So dad has a new partner that is gonna be a positive influence on the kids as a step mum. WIN - in the eyes of the court.

Where are you guys at? final orders? on your way to court? Look the advice changes depending on where you are at in the game the whole family can enjoy known as 'family law'

 

[SophieW]

I feel almost ridiculous for asking, but can someone please confirm for me that this sort of behaviour is clearly unreasonable and obstructive, and is seen this way by the courts.

In my opinion, the court would indeed think this is clearly unreasonable. I think Tremaine's strategy is a great one re giving her choices.

 

[Philly2020]

There's been interim orders in place for sometime, however there has been a significant change in circumstances since they were made, and the matter hasn't been listed for child matters since. Parents recently attended court and were granted leave for family report (private) and police and medical records subpoenaed, supporting affidavit will be filed before family report takes place and heard next.

 

[sammy01]

what is the change in circumstance?
how old is child?

I'd ignore this stuff about who is writing the emails - it is a peripheral argument. If you buy into it - then it shows high conflict. I slowly learnt that all I had to communicate to the ex about was if I was running late or details of holidays. My best mate hasn't spoken to his ex in years despite shared care... Text messages of no more than 20 key strokes. The ex rants, he responds with banal stuff like 'no worries'.

He is winning because he is running his agenda rather than letter her run it.

 

[Philly2020]

Since the interim orders were made the mother has been charged and convicted on 2 occasions with assault and there is evidence of drug abuse (overdose and hospital admission).

The children are 11 and 10.

All good and well not to buy into it, non responding is easy, however when the father is ignored by the mother (mother runs late and does not advise the father, no reply to any correspondence), it makes things difficult. The mother has a history of blocking the father's mobile number (for no reason other than he has not complied to her demands) and not providing an alternative method of contact, but will unblock his number when she wants to advise him of something for example, she will block his number and then days later send a random text stating something in effect of 'the children will not be at school today because they are sick.Do not reply. I am re-blocking your number now".

Messages such as this are being well documented, however in the moment the father has concerns for the children's well being. Most often the children are not sick at all and the mother refuses to elaborate on this.

 

[MP78]

No texts or emails sent to my partner's ex are written by himself now

Has she (ex) picked up on it? Probably. All communication from *him is now factual, cordial and emotionless. Her constant goading, emotional blackmail and vitriolic abuse has stopped working for her. She no longer has him in a reactive position.

It certainly changed the game as she was suddenly communicating with an objective, firm female with family law experience, unhindered by emotion..

OP, I wouldn't imagine any merit to her argument. How would it be proven anyway?

 

[Philly2020]

Has she (ex) picked up on it?

You are bang on the money.

Yes, she has picked up on it and has replied things such as "I see your partner has replied for you again. I will not respond to anything that you as *childrens* father have not written yourself".

Obviously, she cannot prove this, and in fact, the father approves what it written and either sends if he feels it is appropriate or edits to what he feels is appropriate.

The mother having lost her hostage and the ability to manipulate, emotionally abuse and dictate the father and the situation is what her real issue is here.

 

[Match]

Just wanted to say hoorah for all the partners in charge of communications with the ex! 🤪