NSW Family Law - Help with Interpreting Parenting Orders

[Fluffy]

PS: My use of the word allow or allowed wasn't meant to be used in the context of permission, control, and definitely not praise. Allforher your expertise and mine are levels apart, hence why I came here for your help and all you did in your last response was take my inexperience and the previous questions I asked and suggest that it was evidence of me being unwilling? Not true, they were questions which in hindsight, I already knew the answers, I was desperate.

Sounds very familiar and identical to what my whole issue is now with my child's father, as I mentioned above, happy to work things out and bam, he's got evidence.

Am I offended? Damn right I am, because AllForHer I took all your suggestions. All I wanted was clarity, it had nothing to do with the length of time

 

[Fluffy]

Keep the best interest of your child in mind and ignore the game playing and abuse by the father. Just keep on being a good mum for your daughter's sake.

Thanks Rod...
her relationship with her dad is developing well and I love asking her about the new experiences she is having, it makes me happy to see her happy. I try to ignore the mind games , but sometimes gets too overwhelming. He doesn't stop, he constantly sends txt messages quoting every little word in the court orders.

 

[AllForHer]

If you feel you are doing everything right, then good. The father is obviously not doing that well either if he's complaining about something as trivial as late pick-ups (though evidence that would assist you in this scenario would be communication with the father about the situation - even just a text that says 'Hi, I'm outside ready to collect X, let me know when she's ready'...).

Ironically, in family law, it doesn't take two people to tango. It takes one person to always be the bigger person, let go of the small stuff and do what they would do if they were coparenting and not at war in the Court. If you can show that you have been coparenting this way, that's being willing, and that's how you win. Even if he doesn't play ball and makes a mockery of your effort, so what? You are doing what is best for your child, so who cares?

I didn't get the impression here, though, that you were being flexible in this post, particularly given your post about how you refuse to deviate from the orders anymore because dad complains when you do. You cannot take personally what your ex complains about to the Court. Family law is adversarial, it's a conflict system to resolve what should be cooperative issues. He is looking for anything to complain about, anything that he thinks will aid his case (even when it probably has the opposite effect) and I would say it's because he's desperate, just the same as you were not that long ago when you were asking wild questions about absconding and birth certificates.

So, I urge you to ignore the pot-stirring antics and revert to being flexible and willing. If dad wants to complain about it, let him. Just as you look a bit petty for enquiring about a single hour of time on the father's birthday, he looks a bit petty for complaining about you being 20 minutes late to collect the child.

The most important thing you can do for the benefit of your case is parent your child like you and dad are parenting together and not at war.

 

[sammy01]

OK, so you seem to have a bit of a misunderstanding of family law... I doubt they will make your kid swap schools. So I have a solution. Agree to 50/50 as long as the kid stays at current school.

Family law is all about finding solutions. And guess what no one is ever right. I'd like to meet your ex. I'm sure he has a pretty negative attitude towards you... Just like you do him. That is what happens in these situations... but court is best avoided.

Agree to 50/50. Go on dare ya... Look I've been on the other end. I saw my kids 5 a fortnight. It seems illogical. My ex refused more time... What possible argument can there be... If I can manage 5 a fortnight, why not 7?

A big chunk of the answer is money.... The more time I had, the less $$ she got. But that is a piss weak excuse for keeping kids away from their parent. And this is the big one. Once primary school age 50/50 is manageable...

My kids started resenting their mum because they saw her as being responsible for them not getting more time with me...

So help me out here what sort of time does dad currently have... Clearly he wants 50/50... What reasons do you have for refusing?

 

[Fluffy]

Thank you both for the help.

Dad, as of tomorrow, starts overnight stays...pickup sat 10am and then I pickup from his at 4pm. This will continue till Nov and then it's pickup Fri after school till Mon before school.

He has her his birthday, her birthday, Christmas day, his country's national day, a period of 4hrs each occasion. I have just received an email from his lawyer stating he cant pick her up at 10 but can his parents instead. I don't have an issue with this.

But I know once again he will accuse me of being an unfit mother.

 

[AllForHer]

So what if he says you're an unfit mother? Doesn't half of society say that of mothers these days?

Is your kid bathed, fed and watered? Have a roof over her head and clothes on her back? Is she healthy?

If so, then you're not an unfit mother, so learn how to bounce that kind of thing off the mum shield and get on with it, rather than retaliate by abandoning flexibility and being strictly rigid with the child's time with her dad.

Don't take it personally. You're in court. Nobody who is in Court is friends with the other side.

 

[Fluffy]

So what if he says you're an unfit mother? Doesn't half of society say that of mothers these days?

Is your kid bathed, fed and watered? Have a roof over her head and clothes on her back? Is she healthy?

If so, then you're not an unfit mother, so learn how to bounce that kind of thing off the mum shield and get on with it, rather than retaliate by abandoning flexibility and being strictly rigid with the child's time with her dad.

Don't take it personally. You're in court. Nobody who is in Court is friends with the other side.

I will ... thankyou for your advice. Im alot more wiser now and trust me AllForher I do take the advice given seriously by you and Sammy01. Once again .. thankyou