QLD Family Law Help - Narcissistic Ex Using Children Against Me?

[Alert]

Hey alert. I agree mate. A mental health diagnosis alone won't cut it...
I respect your privacy so I won't ask u to go into the details. I can read between the lines well enough to assume it must have been more than a few bad parenting decisions for the courts to make the call that dad should not spend any time with the kids. I do think that is the exception not the norm.

Gidday Sammy01, yes you are once again correct in regards to bad parenting. I would be more than happy to tell you what went down, considering these posts can be read by others, I don’t feel this is appropriate on my behalf. I believe you can read between the lines with some of my posts I have put out there. Anyway Sammy01 enough said about myself. All the best for you and your children. I’ll see you around from post to post. Cheers matey

 

[Alert]

My ex is a male too, I just wanted to say both sexes can be. No offense taken at all.

All good Nat. I’ve unintentionally offended some people here and definitely do not want to step on anyone’s toes.

 

[Thenarcisistsprey]

So your ex is a narc- according to YOU. You are not a psychologist. But lets pretend. So a court ordered psychologist establishes that dad has some personality disorder. SWEET. U'm no, see that alone ain't gonna grant you sole parental responsibility OR minimise the time dad has with the kids OR what ever you're trying to achieve.......


So that is my advice based on personal experience of the legal system.

The next part of my advice is based on my understanding of the law -
Here is a long version if you're interested in the nitty gritty of the law
The best interests principle | ALRC
This is a more concise explanation
Best Interests of the Child | Family and Divorce Lawyers
Pay attention to the "additional considerations" bit - Especially
"If the parents are able and willing to facilitate and encourage a proper relationship between the child and the other parent."


Recpectfuly, but none the less bluntly. So sure your ex is a narc or an f-wit or something else But there is nothing in the legislation that means that is a problem. Not unless, like I said earlier he has an established criminal history of child abuse / neglect.... But the legislation will look at your ability to facilitate and encourage a proper relationship... Now all punters can go off here is the information you provide. SO assuming he hasn't tried to see the kids into slavery in a Nike factory, or tried to sell them on ebay, or committed acts of violence that the courts have sentenced him for? then you're barking up the wrong tree.

Again, respectfully, but note the less bluntly feel free to ignore my advice - And I wish you well regardless of how you choose to approach this. But finding a solicitor that will prove to the magistrate that your ex is this that or Santa is not gonna help your case. What will help your case is proving that you're the best person for the job when it comes to primary care because there is no chance that you're gonna convince a court that dad should not spend time with his kids... U'm - If he has tried to sell the kids on ebay - then ignore everything above.

Well... it’s So complex as I’m sure many family law matters unfortunately are. He has primary custody. He gained custody after taking me to court at first seeking holidays (I was living in another state) I agreed to the holidays. So gave him what he wanted. He told me he was withdrawing his application and he had decided to move interstate close to where I was. We agreed on each second weekend and school holidays. Told me he had gotten a transfer with his company. Said he had instructed his lawyer to draft consent orders that would be handed up at the next hearing to be made into minutes of order etc etc. what he really did without me knowing was change the orders he was seeking to full custody. Now I was meant to be at the hearing. There was meant to be family reports done just prior. He was meant to pay for the kids airfares. He dragged it on because it was going to be withdrawn and he was happy to settle so he saw no need for me and the kids to attend these interviews for family reports. He didn’t pay me child support for the month leading upto the hearing so that I couldn’t afford the airfares. He kept telling me it had been transferred from a new acct and had no idea why I hadn’t received it (just lies to stall me). His child support was a pretty decent amount and he knew the money I got went straight to rent, power and bills. The money from him is use for things such as clothing, Uni books, airfares for court, that kind of thing. The non essential items. So I had a feeling he was not being honest with me (I can be too naive and trusting. I give too many chances and believe people when they say they have changed, unfortunately I look for the good or subconsciously think everyone has good in them.. I’m learning this isn’t true but it’s a hard thing for me to accept). So I applied to attend by phone or video link being from my local court due to the fathers efforts at stalling me. It was tentatively approved days earlier by our FMs associate however on the day, not only did the father submit an amended application now seeking full custody (this was served on my via email the morning of the hearing), the judge just decided to refuse to allow me to attend by phone or video link and was angry that I wasn’t there for the family report interviews and wasn’t there for the hearing and awarded the father the orders he sought in his new application in my absence. I got school holidays and it was shared parental responsibility but he got them full time. I never realised the notation that stated I could have the orders revoked as they were made in my absence. Instead I was utterly devastated and began drinking and taking prescription pills and anything I could get my hands on to numb my pain. I literally felt my kids had basically died. It was one of the biggest losses of my life and I didn’t cope well with it. My partner became physically violent towards me. I lost my house because I was not in a good mental place. I dropped out of uni (ironically I was in my final year of a psychology degree, so to answer that question, no, I’m not [quite] a psychologist but have done quite a bit of studying in the area and I’m certain he’s actually a psychopath but they all have many of the same traits {psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists} ). Anyway, fast forward a few months and I left the abusive boyfriend, packed up my stuff and moved back to where the father and kids were living. He agreed to 50/50 shared care and signed a stat dec to this effect stating if I got a house near their school he agrees to 50/50. He never once honoured that. I did just that, got a house near their school and immediately he moved them 30 mins away and changed their school without consulting me. Anyway i could go on forever about all the unspeakable things he has done to alienate me from their lives. Currently he has stopped all of my time with them. He has decided to use the excuse my current partner of 5 years is bashing me in front of the kids and also was assaulting our eldest child. This could not be further from the truth. He is just using it as an excuse or justification to not allow me to see the kids. He has told me if I take him to court he will ensure I never see them again. I have a recording of our eldest saying my partner has never hit her or me and he just made it up. My mother got it whilst at their school to drop off school books. Now, something you may be able to give me some advice on, he hasn’t tried to sell the kids on eBay however, he has tried to sell custody back to me (100 grand or 50grand for each kid)... I have text messages to verify this. Obviously I plan on including this in my affidavit... would I annex the screenshots of the texts straight away or do I just mention it. If I don’t annex the proof I’m almost certain he will deny it. Do I then annex it? Ruining some of his credibility..? I have a lot of similar Evidence I’m unsure about whether or not to just go all in with my affidavit or yeah, am I better off trying to destroy his credibility and hold off on annexing things? He’s going to deny everything I believe and try and say I’m bat s**t crazy. He’s the one who has made me crazy though (subpoenaed material all backed this up and went in my favour last time..). Sorry for the epic novel and thanks everyone who’s taken the time to respond it’s greatly appreciated even to just know I’m not alone

 

[Thenarcisistsprey]

Another question... should I go and get a forensic psych assessment/report done to verify I’m of sound mind to save him the task of trying to make out I’m crazy? Should I then request in my orders sought that he undergo an assessment too? Or am I better off requesting we both undergo them by someone randomly selected by a third party such as ICL if one is appointed ..? If I should go get one done does anyone have any recommendations of someone not over the top expensive who regularly does forensic medico-legal type assessments and reports and who is familiar with the requirements pursuant to family law matters?

 

[Jake Matherson]

Hey,

Just being straight with you, I have not read that wall of text above as it scared me therefore I am not entirely up to speed with your post however I can give you an idea on the Psyc Report.

This was our quotation for a 40 page report.

• Cost is 6 hours @ $257/hour + GST for each party; ($1542 each or $3084 for both parties)
• If the brief is very large a further fee for reading may apply;
• The report should be ready 7-9 weeks after the appointment date, with payment required prior to its release;
• If the client does not arrive for the appointment, there is a non-attendance fee of $257.10 + GST;
• Cancellation policy is 2 full working days notification otherwise a fee of $257.10 + GST will apply;

My report was essentially the nail in the coffin for my ex. So I am biased to saying that they are worth all the money. So please note that anything written by them is taken very seriously by the court.

To answer your questions:

should I go and get a forensic psych assessment/report done to verify I’m of sound mind to save him the task of trying to make out I’m crazy?

If you can afford it and you have zero concerns for the outcome sure why not it's only ammunition for your cupboard.

Another question... should I go and get a forensic psych assessment/report done to verify I’m of sound mind to save him the task of trying to make out I’m crazy? Should I then request in my orders sought that he undergo an assessment too? Or am I better off requesting we both undergo them by someone randomly selected by a third party such as ICL if one is appointed ..?

This would be what I would tend towards. One in all in. My ICL requested the Psyc report of us both and handled booking the appointments etc. Orders for the report were requested by the ICL at a directions hearing.

If I should go get one done does anyone have any recommendations of someone not over the top expensive who regularly does forensic medico-legal type assessments and reports and who is familiar with the requirements pursuant to family law matters?

The bloke we used as selected by ICL

DR GARY LARDER
MBBS [QLD] FRACGP FRANZCP PIRS Certified
Faculty of Forensic Psychiatry - RANZCP
CONSULTANT PSYCHIATRIST
Phone: 07 3839 6450
Suite 3, Level 6
201 Wickham Terrace
BRISBANE QLD 4000

Hope this helps.