WA Family Court - What to Do Against Vindictive Ex?

[sammy01]

Forget trying to prove her wrong. That ain't the game. Her game is proving that your a danger. The more she tries and fails, the more it helps you...but that is her problem not yours.

Your story is you're a great dad - repeat, repeat. Forget getting in a slag off match. The best thing you can do to help her is argue every point. The magistrate wants to see that you're not insane... No doubt the ex's behaviour is driving you bloody close to insanity, but stay calm.

Focus on the great dad argument, not the ex is a fwit argument. So if the magistrate sees that all the parents do is argue then he can have grounds to say the kids need to be kept away from that and the only way to do it is to keep dad away - she wins.

What a great win - gets to slag you off and because you argued back. She wins - great! Or play a different game. The I'm a great dad game and that all the stress will go away as soon as orders are made about the kids because then there will be no need to argue. You look rational and sane, she looks like a fwit, but the courts are not gonna take the kids off her just for that.

Can you demand an ICL? Nope, you can politely ask for one.

The bloke with the funny wig does the demanding and don't forget it. You can ask for an independent assessment of the kids and you'll get that. The judge isn't gonna listen to a psychologist report that was commissioned by your ex and paid for by your ex and compiled without your involvement. Of course not - he is smarter than that. So when you get to family report writer, be smart - don't slag off the ex.

Now as far as the money goes - mate, it is lost, even if you can establish that she has it and you deserve some of it. By the time it gets there, she will have siphoned it 5 different ways. So even if the magistrate orders she pay you, she will claim she doesn't have the funds. So why waste money fighting that battle in court? Waste of time and money.

But you can spend that money on getting legal representation for the family matter (seeing the kids). Now I'd spend every penny I had on that battle because my kids are worth it.

 

[Rod]

As you can see from Sammy's post there are different ways of proceeding.

You're in the box seat to know what will or won't work in your situation. Work out what is best for you and your kids and go for it.

Whichever way you decide, do not act and behave as a victim. Take control of what you can and fight for what is important to you. Stay strong for the kids. It may mean letting go of some issues, but you need to decide one way or the other. Doing nothing is likely to mean less contact with the kids.

It is hard. Accept it. You will feel awful from time to time. Accept it. But remember it can, and more often does, get better. Sammy's example is a case in point.

 

[S66]

Thanks Sammy and Rod,

I know what you're saying about her having to prove it but I don't think that's quite the case. It seems that she can say whatever and I have to prove it's not true. Now how the hell do you do that when it's all her say?

I did that in the VRO trial and didn't tell a lie and told her barrister that she was misinformed about the lies she was told and she needed to know what happened or further clarification on her questions.

Well, bugger me if I wasn't shot down in flames and the magistrate didn't believe everything she said but enough to stuff me. If only I was a good looking female and didn't look like a silver back gorilla, hey?

Now I had an email today about the financial settlement and it should be sorted by the end of the week and I should have what's left of my money by the end of next (I got 16 years and change $$).
That leaves me enough to buy the new business and the start of a fighting fund for the kids.

I will always fight for my kids

On the 10th of Jan, I have a case management assessment.

On the 10th of Feb, I have the directions hearing about the kids.

Any idea what might happen then?

 

[sammy01]

OK, so AVO's are a joke - I hate saying it but you're better off accepting without admission and spending your money on the family law stuff. I think magistrates must hate it but they are hamstrung and lots of innocent folk get shafted as a result.

But in family court, I'd like to think you'll get better hearing.

So can you give us some details about the financial stuff? Might it be better to refuse, so sign until she agress to consent orders around the kids? Look, it is up to you and you can see the full picture. All we can see is the info you've provided, but if she wants to get her hands on the money that might motivate her to change the way she is approaching the kid-thing.

 

[S66]

The VRO might be a joke but I can tell you the court doesn't give a crap. Even though we showed she lied about many things they still took her side. I got the kids off it but not her, the s**t she said was unreal.

Now that I got the kids off it, she filed a form 4 (child abuse) with the family court and she's made up 101 different points of me apparently being abusive. Her word against mine. What hope do I have of beating that?

I have never read anything so disgusting. Her affidavits are just as damming.

Oh, and we also have a female judge just to top it off for the 10th of Feb at the directions hearing. Also just been told I won't be seeing the kids at Christmas. It wasn't my Sunday for 3 supervised hours so I ask if I could see them on the 27th and I will pay the supervisor but no I was told that's not what the court order says. She slaps me again..

So well planned this has been and I was so blind not to see it.

The financial side has just been stamped by the court this week so hopefully soon I can get the new business settled and move out of Mum's and go back to the city back to work and focus on how to get my kids back. The finance split was pitiful but will allow me to start again with my own business.

I also think the lawyer's advice I have had along the way was 2 steps behind what her side was up to. I still owe them 27k. Between her turfing me out and the financial there was another 100k that she spent.