QLD Family Court Orders Preventing Me from Reporting Abuse to Police?
- Thread starter Ataloss
- Start date
Yes, I did misunderstand Ataloss and assumed your daughter must be 4 as while you did mention 2008 and 2011 you referred to her as 'my 4 year old daughter' so I assumed the dates were a typo. Sorry about that.
To answer your question. Generally speaking, while it doesn't mean the kids get to make the decision, the older the child, the more weight the Court will give to their voice. Although this can depend too on the child's maturity level and also on the Judge you get.
Something that you do have in your favour, if you choose to breach the orders by not sending your son, is that your daughter (his sister) still wants to see their dad. This suggests to me that your sons present attitude about not wanting to see his father is free of influence. Alienating parents usually try to turn all of the children away.
Should you not send him and his father decides to file a contravention (or other application), then you will need to prove to the court there was a reasonable excuse for breaching. Given your son is now 14, and you will be raising 'safety concerns' the Court may well decide that it might be of some benefit to order an updated family report. If this happens, expect that the previous matter will be raised. How much influence the previous matter/decision has on this matter will be dependent on several factors, including but not limited to, how the parties were viewed by the Court and how things have been going from then until now.
Although the allegations of the previous matter were not substantiated, I gather that the Court viewed the fears as being genuinely held by you? Otherwise, like many cases of same being raised, especially at the time your matter was heard, the kids may well have been residing primarily with their father right now.
Thank you Marty. And yes re the court and genuine fears. I'll let my son know this and whatever he decides, we'll deal with it.
I still have more questions and started typing them. But instead of jumping the gun, I'll take it as it comes and be guided by my son's decisions.
Thanks for the guidance. Ataloss.
I still have more questions and started typing them. But instead of jumping the gun, I'll take it as it comes and be guided by my son's decisions.
Thanks for the guidance. Ataloss.
A few red flags pop up to me in reading this thread.
The first is that the Court has restricted you from making allegations against the father to police and CPS. This is not a common or flippant order that a Court will make. It's entrenched in legislation that a child's safety takes precedence over the benefit of having a meaningful relationship with each parent, so to limit contact with the authoritative bodies best able to protect children is a very significant step for the Court to take. I'm guessing by other comments made here that the order was made because, unlike the Court, you still believe the father is dangerous or has done something wrong.
The second is your attitude toward your son about his relationship with his father. "It's only four more years, try not to upset your father, I have told my son I have to obey the orders, he needs to know the truth." To me, it sounds like maybe your son is being inadvertently rewarded with sympathy and affection from you whenever he is seen to be siding against his father. I'm sure I don't need to explain why a Court would frown upon this.
The third is that your only perceivable solution is to hand the parental decision-making about care arrangements over to your 14-year-old son, which sounds like maybe one of the reasons you and the father don't get along is because you're not co-parenting with him, you are co-parenting with your son instead. Would you let your son drop out of school if he didn't like one of his teachers? Are there are other options you should perhaps consider first, like maybe teaching your son that he should respect his father because he's the parental authority? Or perhaps teaching your son about how to better deal with conflict and communicate more effectively with his father? Or maybe even family therapy to help him understand his father's intentions a little better?
Now, I can think of a hundred thousand ways in which a 14-year-old can turn a story of perfectly acceptable discipline into a story in which he is the victim of some horrible assault. The fact that he's willing to tell you the story, but not anyone with real authority to do something about it, makes me wonder if that's what's happening here.
You and the father don't have to like each other, but it benefits your son if you at least present as being on the same team, otherwise you end up with a child well articulated in playing you and dad off each other to get what he wants, even if what he wants isn't necessarily in his own best interests.
My suggestion? Don't take your son to the judge. Take him to a counsellor first.
The first is that the Court has restricted you from making allegations against the father to police and CPS. This is not a common or flippant order that a Court will make. It's entrenched in legislation that a child's safety takes precedence over the benefit of having a meaningful relationship with each parent, so to limit contact with the authoritative bodies best able to protect children is a very significant step for the Court to take. I'm guessing by other comments made here that the order was made because, unlike the Court, you still believe the father is dangerous or has done something wrong.
The second is your attitude toward your son about his relationship with his father. "It's only four more years, try not to upset your father, I have told my son I have to obey the orders, he needs to know the truth." To me, it sounds like maybe your son is being inadvertently rewarded with sympathy and affection from you whenever he is seen to be siding against his father. I'm sure I don't need to explain why a Court would frown upon this.
The third is that your only perceivable solution is to hand the parental decision-making about care arrangements over to your 14-year-old son, which sounds like maybe one of the reasons you and the father don't get along is because you're not co-parenting with him, you are co-parenting with your son instead. Would you let your son drop out of school if he didn't like one of his teachers? Are there are other options you should perhaps consider first, like maybe teaching your son that he should respect his father because he's the parental authority? Or perhaps teaching your son about how to better deal with conflict and communicate more effectively with his father? Or maybe even family therapy to help him understand his father's intentions a little better?
Now, I can think of a hundred thousand ways in which a 14-year-old can turn a story of perfectly acceptable discipline into a story in which he is the victim of some horrible assault. The fact that he's willing to tell you the story, but not anyone with real authority to do something about it, makes me wonder if that's what's happening here.
You and the father don't have to like each other, but it benefits your son if you at least present as being on the same team, otherwise you end up with a child well articulated in playing you and dad off each other to get what he wants, even if what he wants isn't necessarily in his own best interests.
My suggestion? Don't take your son to the judge. Take him to a counsellor first.
Actually I think it was helpful, just not what you wanted to hear. I could spend less than 15 min searching the austlii website for cases were parenting was reversed or one parent was removed from the child's life because of constant allegations that did not hold up under scrutiny. But gee, I don't know if you're worth the effort.
Oh heck I couldn't help myself - and it only took 3 min.
Cobb & Courteney-Wells [2010] FamCA 1038 (19 October 2010)
Now here is a whole heap more of them. Feel free to read at your leisure then get back to me about whether or not my opinion might have been heaps more sincere than your response
Regards
Oh heck I couldn't help myself - and it only took 3 min.
Cobb & Courteney-Wells [2010] FamCA 1038 (19 October 2010)
Now here is a whole heap more of them. Feel free to read at your leisure then get back to me about whether or not my opinion might have been heaps more sincere than your response
Regards
This is spot on. Which is why one should question, prior to judgement, why the Court determined that the mother would remain as primary carer. Clearly there must have been reason to do so, and, at a time where the "friendly parent" provisions were still part of the legislation and very much of significance in decisions.
Report restrictions being not uncommon to orders where allegations of child abuse are raised in case but either not substantiated or unsubstantiated (very different things).
Hi,
So you have a lot of information here. I know a lot of it is confronting and hard hitting but the fact is that it's highly unusual for a child safety reporting restriction to be put into orders. The thing is if you feel strongly about this and you have evidence that will hold up to scrutiny your only option is to take it to the court. Otherwise you just need to accept it.
You would do well to speak with a lawyer, firstly to make sure you have adequate evidence to support your claims and secondly to act quickly if you decide to proceed.
So you have a lot of information here. I know a lot of it is confronting and hard hitting but the fact is that it's highly unusual for a child safety reporting restriction to be put into orders. The thing is if you feel strongly about this and you have evidence that will hold up to scrutiny your only option is to take it to the court. Otherwise you just need to accept it.
You would do well to speak with a lawyer, firstly to make sure you have adequate evidence to support your claims and secondly to act quickly if you decide to proceed.
I know Mr unhelpful back... no one has suggested mediation. Or even discussing issues with dad...Now the courts have already given you a stern warning, so my original post was spot on about what could transpire here... but you would be wise to listen to the suggestions posted here. AllForHer made some perceptive comments about the way you choose to speak to the son about his dad.
Similar threads
