I do have orders in place but he has totally disregarded them since the start, I have been denied contact with them since the separation and before there were orders in place. The orders havent reflected the current situation or had any current information on there for over 18 months. Is throwing the teenager out on the street 3 times and abandoning her and deserting her, moving address and not giving it her, he made it very clear that she isnt welcome in his new relationship or at his new home. He hasnt had contact with her for at least 18 months (through choice of own, I would not prevent have relationship with him) and will encourage nor facilitate any contact or visits between the children or the 5 year old and me, he will not vary the order because it costs money, he will have to file an affidavit which totally contradicts the one he filed previously (which is mainly false) in this matter. It also proves that he cannot and has never been the children's primary carer which is what he made out in his affidavit and partly why SPR was awarded to him. I think that should be considered a genuine reason for wanting him to be removed as self appointed "father" with sole parental responsibility and that sole parental responsibility for the teenager be given to me and that I make all decisions, for the current and future needs for them.
QLD Custody of Children Dispute - De Facto Relationship
- Thread starter SeparatedAtWhatCost
- Start date
The mental health will not supply anything on paper, especially as legal action is already happening. They just refuse to. I could see if my teenagers treating team may do something I'm not sure, I know my social worker will if i ask her but i dont think that it will have much weight. Although there should be someone that can verify that I am not a risk to anyone,.I have never been violent or dangerous. The police were never contacted throughout our relationship and the moment i showed signs of PND & PTSD he changed the locks and his new wife moved in 3 days later, he then proceeded to steam roll me through the FM process, he had an open cheque book and I had nothing. I have looked after the teenager for the last 12 months without a problem up until recently and our last visit with her sister.
Thats a good idea having her own counseller, it will be better than last time wherein the ICL didnt even talk to her.ok, no contact since late September 2014, we did receive after the last visit and email from the new wife stating that after our last 2 visits and given the fact that she has done everything in her power to see to it contact is maintained, the counseller (that supervised the visit in the park) and their solicitor (no mention of who) has instructed them to cease all contact and visits immediately, and that she will organize for contact at an authorized contact centre but that she didnt think it would happen before Christmas and that if it didnt, she would have the 5 year old call on Christmas morning. No call received. No address supplied aside from po box for us to even send presents. Myself and my teenager havent had any contact since. All numerous contact attempts every four to five days have been ignored.
He has failed to reply to invite to mediation sent by legal aid, I am awaiting their next step (i.e. what they are prepared to fund) As a direct result of the unhealthy and undernourished state her sister looked like when we last seen her, the teenager started to vomit uncontrollably, and get severe stomach cramps on a regular basis, to the point where I have had to call the ambulance, who have now admitted her twice now. The last admission was from two days before Christmas until about a week after New Years. After the tests they concluded the only problem was chronic anxiety from not seeing her sister regularly enough and also from being worried about her care and well being.
So no address supplied, just told me on mothers day that the following day he was moving and that he would be in remote area and may not have phone reception. When I asked for the address, he said "Its about 500 kms away and im not giving it to you," and got in his car, and drove away with my baby (3 at the time.) No consent, no court approval, no discussion, nothing..18 months later, he has moved a further two times that I'm aware of and still no address, we only received his wife's new mobile number around August 2014, and despite numerous attempts, we have only been able to actually speak to her on one occasion, and that was her 5th birthday for around ten minutes and the whole conversation was orchestrated by the wife. I know that the orders have include those things you have just mentioned, it also includes that he is ensure the teenager attends school, and that I spend time with the children weekly for 8 hours and that that time is to increase. Im supposed to have contact and Christmas' are supposed to be shared. I originally had overnight visits but he amended them on one occasion when i was too sick to attend.
Sorry it's an awful situation and it's obvious you have the children's best interests at heart. The system isn't fun nor is it fair. The other side can get away with lies and provide no evidence. I'm going through court too. But I've had enough of the stupidity that is this system and all the idiots within it. I cannot afford to keep fighting a dimwit who has lied from fay one. So I'm stoping legal action. The kids will do the rest. They already hate her and her new husband so they can suffer the aftermath of their actions from the kids directly. I'll be here for my kids till I die. But I can't waste another year with this garbage.
I can honestly understand and truly empathize with your situation on a level that one can ever understand unless through self experience. Its true that the hatred and lies are brainwashed into them at a very young age and while our courts claim to have penalties for contraventions, how often do you actually see them enforced. The whole system is long overdue for a massive overhaul and maybe when its not all about the $$ and lining lawyers pockets we may see children's best interests looked at properly as the paramount consideration. No matter how hard i try to stay focused I cant help falling apart at the fact that despite a court order, I still seem to have absolutely no right to see or have a relationship with my daughter just as she seems to have no-one enforcing her right to have a relationship with her mother and sibling/s and all other extended family and attachments. They are preventing the 5 year old from regular physical and emotional contact with us which cannot be healthy in her younger years. There has been an extremely unfair alignment created by us only being allowed contact with her 3 times in the last 18 months. Both girls have lost alarmingly significant weight losses over the last 3 months and I believe both girls to be suffering from separation anxiety and attachment disorders. But cannot seem to get this documented by anyone as yet, I am working on it however. We are now at the mediation stage of which I do not believe they have notified the mediator if they will be attending and hadnt completed the requested questionairre as at last check a few days ago. Can anyone offer any advice for mediation, how i can prepare, what i should expect, etc, The first and last one was 3 dys after our separation and was paid for by my ex and I felt I was unfairly bullied and I was also sent to the incorrect address address in an attempt to make me miss the appointment. Has anyone else had any experiences that could be useful in dealing with legal aid and trying to get them to do their best.,
The thing about mediation is that it's supposed to be a way for you to reach an agreement of your own accord, rather than having other people decide for you (such as Legal Aid or the judge).
You're on a more balanced playing field, however, if Legal Aid is conducting the mediation because they will take care of the details for you, such as where it's being held and making contact with your ex. Basically, there's no games about wrong addresses and what not.
There's not a great lot of legal advice that can be provided for mediation because it's supposed to be a non-legal-focused resolution avenue, but Legal Aid ordinarily appoints a solicitor to provide support to you.
I can provide personal experience, though.
My partner and his ex had two mediations - one before he initiated court proceedings and one during proceedings under orders. Both failed because the mother was preoccupied with non-issues, like who drove the car when the child was in it and whether communication was via text or e-mail. The mediator got so bogged down in the unimportant details that the core problem, which at the time was how much time the child was spending with the father, hardly got a shoe-in.
However, like you, the first mediation was especially terrible. The father was pressured into a signing a parenting plan he didn't agree with and he felt like nobody seemed to want to focus on the main problem. They just 'humoured' the other party until time ran out and discussion about the biggest issue got only a minute or two air time.
In his second, it was much better. He was more prepared and much firmer about his approach. He was also self-represented, so rather than depending on someone else to tell him fragments of information about the legal principles, he knew them for himself, which have him a lot of confidence and grounds for making his points.
So, my first line of experience is to write a list of the core issues. In your circumstances, I would say it's who has parental responsibility for your oldest daughter, and how often you see your youngest daughter. If you want to also include a list of secondary issues, like how you'll communicate with your youngest, I would suggest doing that also.
What also helped my partner stay the course in mediation rather than have it overrun with unimportant non-issues, was to also write what he saw to be the problems with those core issues under current circumstances, and why the solutions he proposed would be effective. The list was short and precise, unemotional and always about the child, never about the other parent.
I think keeping the session child-focused is also very important. Things like post-natal depression, arguments between you and your ex, new relationships, they're not variables and they have little to do with the children, so don't give them air time. They're usually only brought up to try and intimidate you or because they see mediation as a forum for airing all their criticisms about the other party, which doesn't help resolve the problems. So, if those things are raised, you can say polite things like "I would like to keep this mediation focused on the children's care arrangements, please" or "We are here to talk about the children, not my medical history, so please can we remain focused on what's best for the kids".
Doing this requires you to remain calm and assertive. Being assertive means saying things like, "I think we could better meet (x)'s needs if I had parental responsibility so that I could take her to a counsellor" rather than "You are making (x) suffer because you won't let me take her to a counsellor". Using "I think..." or "I feel..." or "It is my view that..." is less aggressive than using "You always..." or "You never...", and the less conflict there is, the more likely an outcome will be.
And finally, don't sign anything if you don't agree with it. My partner initiated proceedings because he signed, on legal advice, a parenting plan that he didn't agree with and the first thing the judge did was put the plan in as interim orders because the plan seemed to be the only proof the judge had that the parents had agreed on something. In the second mediation, he was more wary, and refused to sign anything until he had received legal advice, and the other party was reprimanded harshly for trying to demand that he sign on the spot.
Anyway, I hope this helps, and good luck.
You're on a more balanced playing field, however, if Legal Aid is conducting the mediation because they will take care of the details for you, such as where it's being held and making contact with your ex. Basically, there's no games about wrong addresses and what not.
There's not a great lot of legal advice that can be provided for mediation because it's supposed to be a non-legal-focused resolution avenue, but Legal Aid ordinarily appoints a solicitor to provide support to you.
I can provide personal experience, though.
My partner and his ex had two mediations - one before he initiated court proceedings and one during proceedings under orders. Both failed because the mother was preoccupied with non-issues, like who drove the car when the child was in it and whether communication was via text or e-mail. The mediator got so bogged down in the unimportant details that the core problem, which at the time was how much time the child was spending with the father, hardly got a shoe-in.
However, like you, the first mediation was especially terrible. The father was pressured into a signing a parenting plan he didn't agree with and he felt like nobody seemed to want to focus on the main problem. They just 'humoured' the other party until time ran out and discussion about the biggest issue got only a minute or two air time.
In his second, it was much better. He was more prepared and much firmer about his approach. He was also self-represented, so rather than depending on someone else to tell him fragments of information about the legal principles, he knew them for himself, which have him a lot of confidence and grounds for making his points.
So, my first line of experience is to write a list of the core issues. In your circumstances, I would say it's who has parental responsibility for your oldest daughter, and how often you see your youngest daughter. If you want to also include a list of secondary issues, like how you'll communicate with your youngest, I would suggest doing that also.
What also helped my partner stay the course in mediation rather than have it overrun with unimportant non-issues, was to also write what he saw to be the problems with those core issues under current circumstances, and why the solutions he proposed would be effective. The list was short and precise, unemotional and always about the child, never about the other parent.
I think keeping the session child-focused is also very important. Things like post-natal depression, arguments between you and your ex, new relationships, they're not variables and they have little to do with the children, so don't give them air time. They're usually only brought up to try and intimidate you or because they see mediation as a forum for airing all their criticisms about the other party, which doesn't help resolve the problems. So, if those things are raised, you can say polite things like "I would like to keep this mediation focused on the children's care arrangements, please" or "We are here to talk about the children, not my medical history, so please can we remain focused on what's best for the kids".
Doing this requires you to remain calm and assertive. Being assertive means saying things like, "I think we could better meet (x)'s needs if I had parental responsibility so that I could take her to a counsellor" rather than "You are making (x) suffer because you won't let me take her to a counsellor". Using "I think..." or "I feel..." or "It is my view that..." is less aggressive than using "You always..." or "You never...", and the less conflict there is, the more likely an outcome will be.
And finally, don't sign anything if you don't agree with it. My partner initiated proceedings because he signed, on legal advice, a parenting plan that he didn't agree with and the first thing the judge did was put the plan in as interim orders because the plan seemed to be the only proof the judge had that the parents had agreed on something. In the second mediation, he was more wary, and refused to sign anything until he had received legal advice, and the other party was reprimanded harshly for trying to demand that he sign on the spot.
Anyway, I hope this helps, and good luck.
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