QLD Chances of Ex Getting 50-50 Custody of Children?
- Thread starter devasted
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In the end, I don't care about the money. I just want stability for my daughter, so that's something I'll deal with another time. I'm not really worried. He hasn't paid for the last 9 weeks.
You haven't given any compelling reasons as to why 50/50 won't work, and the court doesn't buy into the argument that 'children, especially young children, need a stable place to stay most nights until they are older and can understand'. If both you and the father have stable homes, with a bedroom for the child, clothes, possessions and routines, the child will have all the stability he/she needs, provided the parents can co-parent well enough to not expose the child to family violence.
The court has granted equal time orders for children as young as two years of age, and nearly all of the Queensland judges take a progressive view of parenting matters such that a child's time with each parent is more meaningful and valuable to a child than one parent's perception about what constitutes routine. One judge even said that seeing the non-resident parent is no less an important routine than going to school every day.
So will he get 50/50? I would say that in Queensland, it's extremely likely that he will, simply because you haven't pitched any reason as to why it won't work, other than 'children need one stable home'. My husband's ex-wife made the same argument to our Queensland judge in regard to their daughter who was four years of age at the time. We ended up with 50/50.
In a practical sense, 50/50 can work extremely well. My stepdaughter, who is now five, has responded far better to the week-about arrangement than she ever did to alternate weekends and one overnight a week. To her, the previous arrangement would have felt scattered because sometimes it was three days before she saw dad for three nights, and other times it was seven days before she saw dad for one night. She didn't sleep well, was extremely clingy at changeovers, and struggled to settle into household routines because she would be gone again by the time she remembered what those routines were.
Now, she knows exactly which day she goes to dad's and which day she goes back to mum's because it's the same day every week. She transitions well, sleeps through the night, remembers household routines and knows that mummy's house has some different rules to daddy's house.
The co-parenting relationship is still rife with conflict, too, but still, this routine works better for my stepdaughter than it ever did before.
So why not try 50/50 and see how it goes?
The court has granted equal time orders for children as young as two years of age, and nearly all of the Queensland judges take a progressive view of parenting matters such that a child's time with each parent is more meaningful and valuable to a child than one parent's perception about what constitutes routine. One judge even said that seeing the non-resident parent is no less an important routine than going to school every day.
So will he get 50/50? I would say that in Queensland, it's extremely likely that he will, simply because you haven't pitched any reason as to why it won't work, other than 'children need one stable home'. My husband's ex-wife made the same argument to our Queensland judge in regard to their daughter who was four years of age at the time. We ended up with 50/50.
In a practical sense, 50/50 can work extremely well. My stepdaughter, who is now five, has responded far better to the week-about arrangement than she ever did to alternate weekends and one overnight a week. To her, the previous arrangement would have felt scattered because sometimes it was three days before she saw dad for three nights, and other times it was seven days before she saw dad for one night. She didn't sleep well, was extremely clingy at changeovers, and struggled to settle into household routines because she would be gone again by the time she remembered what those routines were.
Now, she knows exactly which day she goes to dad's and which day she goes back to mum's because it's the same day every week. She transitions well, sleeps through the night, remembers household routines and knows that mummy's house has some different rules to daddy's house.
The co-parenting relationship is still rife with conflict, too, but still, this routine works better for my stepdaughter than it ever did before.
So why not try 50/50 and see how it goes?
Unfortunately, we had our last mediation appointment today and now it has to go to court if he wants to pursue it.
My ex owns his own business which he says is extremely busy and that is why he hasn't seen her a lot in the last 2 years. I work only afternoons so I'm able to care for her every morning and then have family to help while I'm at work.
He claims to live at his house (which he actually lives with his gf and rents his home out to 3 males). He doesn't have a room for her at his house, although I'm pretty sure there is a room for her at his gf's. The two times he has had her over ight during the week, he sent her to daycare in pyjamas, no drink bottle or shoes. One of the days he was supposed to pick her up, he "forgot" and I had to go get her. Lucky that was a day I wasn't working.
Still no compelling reason not to have 50/50 or at least compromise and go for 5/9 a fortnight.
I hate this system. I really really do. At present, the only thing stopping him having 50/50 is you. So he has to choose to waste 10's of thousands of money on family court or just accept that you have made it too hard.
My thoughts - since you think he isn't up to the task - agree to 50/50 and let him prove you right. But what would be more reasonable is agreeing to an slow increase over say 18 months leading up to a trial of 50/50.
BTW all the stuff you've mentioned why he is useless...well my ex would say all that about me, too, and then some. She also accused me of domestic violence. She claimed my abuse emotionally damaged the kids, too. Oh and btw - the kids now live almost entirely with me. They are all doing exceptionally well at school.
I hate this system. I really really do. At present, the only thing stopping him having 50/50 is you. So he has to choose to waste 10's of thousands of money on family court or just accept that you have made it too hard.
My thoughts - since you think he isn't up to the task - agree to 50/50 and let him prove you right. But what would be more reasonable is agreeing to an slow increase over say 18 months leading up to a trial of 50/50.
BTW all the stuff you've mentioned why he is useless...well my ex would say all that about me, too, and then some. She also accused me of domestic violence. She claimed my abuse emotionally damaged the kids, too. Oh and btw - the kids now live almost entirely with me. They are all doing exceptionally well at school.
Look I understand you're angry, but I am not your ex. And just cause your ex has done this to you doesn't mean this is the same situation. Take your anger elsewhere.
My ex has never been more involved other than 2 nights a fortnight. This has always been his choice. I begged him for the last 1/12 for him to spend more time and be around more. He chose not to. It is only now that he is pissed off at me because he has got himself into massive debt that he is wanting to make me hurt as well. So your situation of always wanting to be involved in your kids lives is a lot different to him.
You have received some answers here that you like, and other answers that you don't like. The court doesn't care what answers suit you. The court cares about what's best for the children.
If the father wants 50/50 and decides to pursue it in court, I can assure you the father will rectify complaints about where he's living and what he sends the child to day care in.
From the father's perspective, what you've said may translate as "The mother leaves the child with family members every day", which tells the court you are okay with the child having regular contact with everyone but the father; and "The mother is highly critical about me as a parent", which tells the court you undermine his role as father and there'a a risk you will be unable to support the child's right to have a relationship with him.
This is what I mean when I say the argument you've pitched so far isn't compelling.
So do you have any other evidence to suggest that 50/50 isn't best for the child?
If the father wants 50/50 and decides to pursue it in court, I can assure you the father will rectify complaints about where he's living and what he sends the child to day care in.
From the father's perspective, what you've said may translate as "The mother leaves the child with family members every day", which tells the court you are okay with the child having regular contact with everyone but the father; and "The mother is highly critical about me as a parent", which tells the court you undermine his role as father and there'a a risk you will be unable to support the child's right to have a relationship with him.
This is what I mean when I say the argument you've pitched so far isn't compelling.
So do you have any other evidence to suggest that 50/50 isn't best for the child?
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