SA Chances of ex being granted recovery orders or denied?

[sammy01]

Forget the sole parental responsibility... What do you really think he is gonna agree to that? His solicitor wont agree. Look you've got limited chance of him agreeing anyway - so you need to sell this a bit better. I'd be going that the practical realities of this situation are not conducive to the best interest of the child, especially moving forward when the kid starts school... And the fact is there is high conflict between you two...
BTW - who moved away? You or him?

 

[Concernedmum01]

I moved out of the family home as it was too expensive for me, then had to move again because new next door neighbour. With his permission.

He moved out to where he is maybe around the same time, I don't know really. But just told me it was happening.

I only recently moved closer bc distance, and bc im studying

 

[sammy01]

Ok so as far as relocation orders, NOT really a worry, just a recovery order - without existing court orders he has some hurdles to jump. Forget the family dynamic - just based on distance and age of child 50/50 is unlikely to be deemed appropriate. His solicitor should advise him of the same. So seeking reasonable consent orders is a good way to avoid court. But asking for sole parental responsibility isn't reasonable

 

[Concernedmum01]

The only reason I am asking for sole decision making on those 3 things is because ive tried to organise these things with him and it ends in the verbal attacks for a mere suggestion. 1 thing out of everything our son needs has been put in place. The rest... well honestly if I don't push for that now, atleast with medical and education, it will just be a night mare and if I just go ahead and enrol him in school and make appointments it will be worse. s**t I was insulted over 20 times for asking how much time he needed before I left to pick up my car from his parents house (1 min from his and he just needed to drop the key there) after he finally agreed to give it back after 3 months of me asking.

Honestly just want these things to stop being put off because he won't come to the table and discuss it. Our son needs resp specialist, ENT, OT, ASD assessment, allergist and ive not even been able to get a paediatrician because he keeps cracking it when I bring it up. Been trying to get appointments since Jan and ive gotten 1 booked for Nov...

 

[sammy01]

U'm... Ok. But you want him to agree. Sorry but you are a twit. Do you really think he is gonna agree to relinquish parental responsibilty? Do you even see how offensive that is as a suggestion? Do you see how it presents you as someone who thinks mummy knows best and blokes irrelevant. Now I'm sure that isn't how you think but gee tell me that isn't how it looks.

Right - of course he isn't gonna agree. It makes you look unreasonable - Why? well because it is unreasonable... So to prove my point. H'mm lets assume he agrees to giving you sole parental responsibility for medical / education and 'living arrangements". HE WONT. BTW what do you mean by 'living arrangements"? That if dad decides to move house he has to ask your permission if he still wants to see the kid??

So for fun. Let's pretend - to be reasonable - in return - dad gets to have sole parental responsibility for extra-curricular activities / sport. So you have to ask him if the kid can play soccer or footy... Would you accept that? Oh and because you're gonna be the primary carer you have to make sure the kid gets to footy training.

Now - guess what - when you're primary carer you already have decisions about education and health. The kid will go to the local public school nearest to your home. WHY? well that is what the state education system expects. You want to go private, fine, but don't expect him to pay...
Health- Unless you're talking about major surgery, you make the decisions about health. You make appointments and take the kid to the dr.

The living arrangement one? well I don't even know what you're talking about. But it is unreasonable that one parent dictates the living arrangements at the other parent's house. You won't win this one in court so why would dad agree? Go on answer me... Why would dad agree to that stipulation?

Just so we are clear here - he has every reason to be offended by the suggestion... I've been there. See my ex explained that we disagree about everything, so it would be easier if she didn't have to ask my opinion. Or to put it more bluntly, you're a man, your opinion doesn't matter. Now go to work to earn money for child support. It is offensive.

 

[Concernedmum01]

I see what you mean I did forget about school zoning etc.

I do not want to come across unreasonable or offensive at all because I am not and do want him involved - just want to minimise the conflict surrounding it so things gets done.

Yeah with school zoning - it would be closest to me. And medical appointments are usually always in the week so it would need to be accessible to me.

I the living arrangements was just written in because it was in the list of parental responsibilities, I don't want to try dictate where he lives etc.

I'll change it and just put some conflict minimising stipulations in it surrounding respectful communication.

 

[sammy01]

Court orders can't make a twit stop being a twit. And I'm talking about you and him...

Look in one post u admitted to being a twit at times... so not so much legal advice but life experience advice...

Things will slowly get better when you try and make them better. Make that your goal.

Remind me. How far do u live from him?

 

[Concernedmum01]

Haha that's true.

There is 63 km between now us since I moved closer.

When I initially moved out it was 22km

Then he moved in with his gf secretly upping it to 88km

So my move closer has put it to 63km, except I live close to the CBD and every route out of the area is high traffic so it adds an extra 30-40 mins or longer depending if there is road works to arrive at our neutral drop off point.

 

[sammy01]

ok so you live near a city?
See I'm in the country 63km is nothing. But in the city it would be an hour or more... So not enough to block reasonable access but at some point he would have to drop off / pick up from school?

I'd offer consent orders 2 nights a fortnight now - 3 nights in 18 months - 4 in 3 yrs and see what he comes back with.
Shared parental responsibility.
Maybe offer him a bit of extra time in the holidays. Here is a little trick - if you count the school holidays from the Monday after school breaks up then there are 14 nights. Offer him 8 nights, so it is a little bit more than half.

 

[Concernedmum01]

Thats a good I idea. I will add that.

My other consent orders with other childrens dad is every second bday, fathers day every year and every school holidays each for normal school holidays and 3 weeks over end of year that alternates to account for christmas. He uses 1 week a year of it.