NSW breaching consent orders.

[sammy01]

Hi Brains trust.
So after 6 years my now 15 yr old is getting a little bolshi. Refusing to go visit the other parent. In daughter's defence the other parent has made some rather disparaging comments to 15 yr old daughter about her virginity... Communication with the ex results in an explanation along the lines of 'sex education'.
15 yr old doesn't much like having to take a parenting role with the younger kids. Stuff like making them wear seatbelts or making them breakfast because other parent doesn't do early starts. FFS.... The kid did the whole drop and roll thing. She wasn't on fire. She was at the pub and refused to get into mum's car because mum was (in 15yr old child's opinion) over the limit. She eventually got in the car but is adamant mum should not have been driving.

So my compromise is:
1. In school holidays I will travel with Daughter 8 hours 1 way so daughter can spend time with other parent for a few nights, but not the 8 nights as per consent orders. I will then travel all the way back with three kids. Saving the ex a trip to normal meeting point.
2. Stupid ME agreed to the ex having a week in May from the Saturday before mother's day to the Saturday after. Kids miss a week of school. 15 yr old has put her foot down. Not missing school. My compromise? offer to pay half accommodation costs for a week in my vicinity. Not a bad place. South Coast of NSW. May is a good month to be here. Kids can still do school, sport, part time job. Mum can be part of their life without taking them away from all that stuff.

The ex doesn't work / works for herself and has family near where I live. Even if she had a job, she would have to take the week off in May to be with the kids. So I don't see any obstacles in my proposal. She can cry poor, but the fact is her lifestyle doesn't match that rhetoric. Mexico a few yrs ago... Spain year before last... Has picked up a few hundred grand along the way via property settlement with me, and a few inheritances along the way. She didn't inherit the work ethic of her parents but inherited a good bit of their $$$ when they passed away. So can't afford to travel doesn't sit well with me. Rant over on that front.

All of this communicated to ex via email.

My thinking is if the ex wants to do me for breaching the orders then so be it. I'll self rep and ask judge for revised orders that don't see the kids missing nearly 3 weeks of school a year and that 15 yr old gets the whole by mutual agreement style order.
Any thoughts.

 

[Atticus]

If they haven’t already, 15 is about the age for some serious mother daughter, father son clashes to occur. They may sort it out…. Important thing is that you don’t take the opportunity to dig the knife in & twist (plenty of parents that do unfortunately)

So as you would know the basics are that both parents must not only facilitate the contact as per orders, but actively & positively encourage the child to go …. If you can convince mum that you are doing that, then that should take some of the wind out of any contravention application.

Mum would need to attempt mediation & have a s60I issued to apply to court as well. There may be an opportunity there to replace parts of the consent order relating to time spent with a parenting plan (Get good legal advice first if you do that. A PP replaces an order)

Sounds like you are going to offer some genuine compromise to the current problem, all on paper, that’s good. She can’t say that you didn’t do your best to facilitate & actively encourage contact.

Then of course if it did finish up in court, (daughter will possibly be about a year off 18 by then) her age will mean her thoughts & wishes will be close to paramount (unless of course there are allegations of family violence thrown in the mix to muddy the waters)

I would think if mum is just going to chuck a huge wobbly over this & reject your offers of compromise, it will only add to her problems with her daughter. Hopefully she will see that.

 

[Rod]

I agree with @Atticus.

Key though is to make sure all written correspondence from you is well written and avoids unnecessary emotional language and denigration of the other parent. Assume whatever you write is going to be read by a Judge.