QLD Would a court or solicitor even entertain this?

[Cameron1977]

Hi - interested in the chances of my ex forcing a change to our current parenting plan or worst.

My ex and I separated from a relationship just over 18 months ago. We finalised the settlement and parenting plan (not custody - but logged with courts) early this year. Since separation we have have been sharing 50% care. All has been fine to date other than quite of few petty arguments.

I am up date to with my payments (never missed a payment). Neither of us do drugs or have an alcohol problem and there has been no violence to each other or our son who is about to turn 3 in the new year. We are both good parents for our son.

Things escalated recently out of nothing (just an argument) and I believe now she is very serious about seeing a lawyer and/or wanting mediation to demand changes to the agreement. I can only assume it will be for more custody % as she wants to be able to pick him every day from day care as she finishes earlier than me most days. Some of it just relates to wanting to hurt me.

Might be too early to ask - but want to prepare myself - thoughts? What can she do and what can she request? What would a solicitor say to her? Do I have to attend mediation if I feel the parenting plan in place is fine and working?

 

[Jake Matherson]

If you already have 50/50 care of a almost 3 year old you're doing better than most of the people on here.

So within reason you don't want to be rocking the boat too much over trivial stuff as It's only going to cost you time with your kid when she withholds the child from you and there is nothing you can do about it until you get Family Court Orders 6 months later.

Parenting plans are not enforceable. She can choose tomorrow not to follow it and there is nothing anyone(police or otherwise) will do about it. Yeah it will look bad on her in Family Court but that's ages away.

If you're asked to attend mediation you should attend. Don't pay a lawyer to attend as you will be up for like $3,000.
If you don't attend mediation they will issue her with a certificate saying you didn't attend and she will be able to kick off Family Court proceedings if she chooses to.

By the sounds of it you guys just need to sit down and talk and adjust your current plan accordingly.

Family Court is not a place you want to be going as you already have 50/50 care.
But in case you haven't been, you should be documenting all of the time you spend with the child. Every doctors appointment you attend, every important day etc....If things fall apart you will want to be able to show the court a long history of you having the child 50% of the time.

 

[Cameron1977]

Thanks. I agree i'm doing well - I think it's a disgrace how it works and how people don't fight more for it. Even my lawyer originally didn't want to even ask for it. Disgrace. Let her go.

I have a diary that states good detail. I know that will help.

It's amazing how much power she has. or could I do the same? or does the female just have that much power?
I mean - she can't stop me from picking him up from day care and I can't stop her. not sure how she can withhold him from me...or me her (not that I would).

The parenting plan - I should I submit it to be formalised as a proper order?

 

[Jake Matherson]

If you have no formal family court parenting orders for who spends what time with the child you're both able to do whatever you like essentially.

Now this doesn't exactly sound like it fits your case but in response to "not sure how she can withhold him from me"
Hypothetically She could apply for a DVO on you because you had a heated argument with her and it just happened to be in front of the child so the child is now a named person on the DVO in need of protecting.

The short story is DVO's are guilty until proven innocent so she will get one easy.
One condition on the DVO is that you can't attend the child's daycare.

So now she has complete power over when you can and can't see the child and you're forced to fight a DVO $$$$ or accept without admission on the conditions that your boy is removed as a named person and you can attend the daycare.

The only way to be assured time with the child is to have formal Family Court Order which might take you 6 months+ to get.
So she builds up 6 months of 100% care making your request for 50/50 harder in the future.
She also requests full child support payments of +$100 a week in the mean time.

So yeah. things can go down hill quickly. So best not to rock the boat on the little things if at all possible while you have 50/50. But you got to do what you got to do.

If you both consent to the parenting plan you could have it turned into Consent Orders which would be formal Orders and give you a bit of a leg up if she tried and funny business.
If shes not going to agree to the current parenting plan it's probably a good idea to mediate and negotiate a new one and formalise that as Consent Orders that you both then must follow.
Don't be extremely stubborn when negotiating, if you have to give a little to avoid court it's probably worth it in your situation given that there are no safety concerns for the child.

Parenting plans mean absolutely nothing not enforceable by anyone can be changed at any time.

Just a punter on this page chucking in my 2 cents. There are a few others on here that will probably chime in with some advice also.

 

[Cameron1977]

Thank you again for your feedback.

I've heard about DVOs - this instance it wasn't overly heated this innocent, just a few words back and forwards. No swearing even.
She can't be able to put in a DVO that quickly can she without evidence? Can I put in a DVO with the same clause?
So I have to tip toe around for the next 10 years or so? Even when her actions are wrong...I just have to take it?

We have a parenting plan in place we've both signed and it was sent to the courts as a parenting plan and sealed with the settlement etc. - but its not a official court order from my understanding.

Sucks being a male in this situation it appears.

 

[sammy01]

yes she can apply for an avo. Walk into a police station, burst into tears and that will do.
Read the link below... While your reading see if you can find the word 'evidence'. NOPE wont find it... Yep it is NSW but same nonsense applies in QLD.
Are you applying for an AVO? - Legal Aid NSW
so not 'beyond reasonable doubt.' But on the grounds of probability... FFS
here is a link
The decision

mate play nice. Avoid solicitors.

 

[GlassHalfFull]

Yeah, I concur. No actual evidence is required. You just need to approach the police with a plausible story and they take one out on your behalf immediately without doing any investigation whatsoever. I can't say whether it happens as easily when men try this as with women though, given how biased the system is towards 'protecting women' from 'violent men' rather than simply 'violent people'. It's a disgrace. There's a part of me, having been through this crap, that would recommend you get in first and take one out on her before she can take one out on you, but that will surely ramp the dispute up considerably and she will almost certainly have to file in the family court to get access back which will cost a lot of money for you both, I don't want to be that bitter because in the end it's the kids that suffer a diminished relationship with the other parent from going down that path. It's just hard taking the high moral ground when the system is kill or be killed (figuratively speaking, just to clarify since we're talking about domestic violence...).