NT Who would get primary custody?

[Lyla208]

my defacto partner and I have an 18 month old and are in process of separating. We are both good parents, but up until now I have been primary carer. I fed her for 9 months, take her too all social activities, check ups, needles, all but one Dr’s appointment, get her dinner ready, bath her and put her to bed 95% of the time. Because things have broken down I often leave the home for 1-2 hours once she goes down to bed in the evening as I don’t want to be in the house. Occasionally she wakes up and he might need to settle her when I’m gone. I work 4 days a week and have primary care the 3 days I have off. He has two days off a week and goes out from 0730-1830 every Sunday to play golf. He has stated that when he moves out he is taking her and that he is going to get primary care. Can I prevent this? He says that as he has two teenage children from previous relationship that live with us 50:50 he should have primary custody so she is not separated from her family. Does that play a part in judges decision? I want her to have quality relationship with older brother and sister, but I want primary custody of her as I have been her primary carer her whole life. While I would prefer her to do 9/5, I would be open to more with the father so she sees her siblings more. She also goes to daycare 2 days a week and then cared by my family at our home other two days a week that I work. He has stated he will not send her to child care when he takes her as she is better with a parent full time at home and not be “Raised by others.” His plan is obviously to not work much (works for self and declares tiny amount of income while I earn a lot more), take me for all child support possible and not send her to child care at all. Appreciate advice. I’m reallly stressing about it. I really don’t want it to go to court, but the way he is being and saying it doesn’t matter that I am the primary carer at the moment shows he is not going to see reason I feel like I’m going to get home one day and they’ll all just be gone

 

[Rod]

Organise mediation and see what you can negotiate.

If parenting is not settled at mediation then accept you will not get what you want, or go court.

As mother you'll likely do OK at court as long as you're not on drugs or have mental health issues.

 

[Lyla208]

Organise mediation and see what you can negotiate.

If parenting is not settled at mediation then accept you will not get what you want, or go court.

As mother you'll likely do OK at court as long as you're not on drugs or have mental health issues.

Thanks

 

[Lyla208]

Thanks. Hoping some people may have advice on what likely outcome might be or precedents where there are siblings that are the fathers. Does that influence decision on who should get primary care, even if mother has had primary care. Also if it would be allowed for father to take child out of the 2 days child care they attend on their time.

 

[Migz]

Seriously, your child is coming upto 2, there is no reason why you cannot do 50/50, in the best interests of the child, not a full 7 nights about, but atleast a 3/4 4/3, work out your Christmas time, and holiday time, Mothers day, Fathers Day, Birthdays, Easter.

And to answer your question, can Dad take the child out of Daycare during their time? Yes, Dad can do whatever he likes with the child during his time, just as you can during your time, as long as he isn't breaking any laws, and like wise.

Anyway you want to know how you will do in court, should you want your interests put first and not the "Childs", well to be honest, you will do well. You might even do so well, that you will succeed in keeping Dad at 2 nights a fortnight.

 

[Lyla208]

T

Seriously, your child is coming upto 2, there is no reason why you cannot do 50/50, in the best interests of the child, not a full 7 nights about, but atleast a 3/4 4/3, work out your Christmas time, and holiday time, Mothers day, Fathers Day, Birthdays, Easter.

And to answer your question, can Dad take the child out of Daycare during their time? Yes, Dad can do whatever he likes with the child during his time, just as you can during your time, as long as he isn't breaking any laws, and like wise.

Anyway you want to know how you will do in court, should you want your interests put first and not the "Childs", well to be honest, you will do well. You might even do so well, that you will succeed in keeping Dad at 2 nights a fortnight.

hank

 

[Lyla208]

Thanks. I have no interest in Dad only having 2 nights a fortnight. I think it’s important she gets quality time with both. I just had no idea what a judge would enforce. Hard to hear someone wants to take toddler as primary carer when they haven’t been that at this stage. Hopefully we can work it out amicably. Whatever option, it’s sad she won’t be with both all the time. Breaking up sucks!

 

[sammy01]

Migz
I think you've mis-read this post. The poster is worried that the ex is going to impose a scenario where the ex is the primary carer and our poster wants advice based on that... Your response seems to be about how the poster is trying to prevent the kid from seeing dad...

Poster - The ex's step kids would be a small factor in the big picture. The fact that they are step-siblings and their age might lessen their signficance. If that is dad's sole argument for him having primary care, he is gonna lose. Offering 50/50 along a similar pattern of care as the older kids would be a little bit more reasonable... But he is still way out of the ballpark as far as what is fair and reasonable...

What would a court do? well magistrate would look at all the info. This site will tell you what the courts look at.
Queensland Legal Aid | Helping Queenslanders with their legal problems

The age of the child would be a significant factor and one that would likely see a court decide that the child needs a primary carer and spends time with the other parent. Probably somewhere between 2-5 nights a fortnight.

Can you stop dad taking the kid and imposing a set of arrangements? Well this is where it gets messy. My suggestion. Request mediation now. Get it done asap. It doesn't matter if you guys are still living together. Just get it done. WHY? Well you can't apply to court without trying mediation. So offer mediation, offer 5 a fortnight if you think the child can handle it.... IF he refuses that offer don't worry. The fact that you've done mediation means you'll be able to access the court system faster.
So lets assume he moves out. You offer 5 a fortnight. (btw that is very reasonable of you) He refuses. You have a bit of a stale mate. So get the court application in and you'll be in court within 12 weeks and a magistrate will impose interim orders. What they will be? don't know. But my money would be on you having primary care.

 

[Rod]

I like Sammy's suggestions.