Visitation Query

[appleton]

Evening Everyone,

Just hoping for some quick advice please in an attempt to prevent/pre-empt any escalation of drama which we usually face when organising interstate visitation.
With travel/border restrictions lifting shortly we have reached out to the mother to get an indication of availability over the Christmas/Summer period so we can make arrangements to travel.

An initial response from her has indicated;
- That she needs a break and welcomes us to spend time with child (have not seen child since Feb due to travel restrictions)
- The mother has a DVO against her, and has said she 'doesn't want this hanging over her head while the child is in our care, so we either need to drop the DVO, or she will only allow supervised visits'.
- The mother has said that she will allow us to see him after we have home isolated for 2 weeks. Which is not a government or state requirement. We are happy to get any/all testing done

Just looking for a way to respond to this without it turning as it usually does into WW3.
We would also like a way of formalising it (if possible) as we have faced ongoing issues with her in the past where she has refused access and played games to ensure that it is an extremely unnecessary process.

Appreciate any suggestions or advice.

Thanks, A

 

[CSFLW]

Hello Appleton

Are there court orders in place in relation to the children?

 

[GlassHalfFull]

Clearly her demands are totally unrealistic. There are only a few dozen active cases of coronavirus in a country of 25 million, and they are almost all in quarantine. You shouldn't have to get tested for contact to occur in such circumstances. Unless she has good reason to think the children are unsafe in the father's presence, she has no right to demand supervised access, or to demand that you must drop a DVO on her.

It is possible to put in place a formal agreement, but without consent orders in court, it's unfortunately unenforceable.

 

[appleton]

There currently is a consent order, however it is possibly the worst ever drafted. It is very brief and only includes a few items which refer to - Parents have shared Parental responsibility - child lives with mother - father can contact child when agreed in writing - parents get on (not the case).

Unfortunately every interaction results in some sort of abuse/manipulation/blackmail type situation, so hoping to have some clear facts to pass on that will hopefully assist. Thinking that we should just draft a letter and send it requesting visitation over the dates xx and xx.

There is absolutely no reason for child to not be safe with father. But we face constant and frequent accusations.

 

[sammy01]

Go to the police and ask for the DVO to be dropt. Ask for an event number / reference number to give to the nutter. The cops wont entertain your request to drop the avo.

Dear f-wit,
I have spoken to the police. I have a reference number for you. The police refused to agree to to drop the AVO.
Only too happy to do 2 weeks isolation to the best of my ability. Please note this is not a requirement at the moment but I'm happy to comply. I will also make sure i get a Covid test 4 days prior to the visit and I will share the result with you.

Can you now please confirm the dates of ?????????????????

Kind regards
blah blah

I'd be getting back inside the courts asap to get these orders reviewed. Sorry, gonna be blunt here but why did you sign the orders? Get back into court and get some decent orders or suck this crap up for a few years until you either walk away or the kid turns 18.

 

[appleton]

Unfortunately the orders were completed by two idiots (yes he is an idiot) for purposes other than parenting matters (Visa). Thank you for your bluntness, its needed, well over it and not putting up with it for another 10+ years!!

Unfortunately with her she plays the drum that we have to dance to, I think that going to court is the best option as without 'rules in place' its a nightmare. We have a valid 60i certificate, from recent mediation, which is very lengthy with very few outcomes. Given that attempts to do a parenting plan have stalled (she refuses everything unless he signs BFA), am I correct in understanding that to get back to court that we need to file initiating action?

To address the 'supervised visits' aspect - is there a way of addressing this ie. Supervised visits can only occur on order from the court, if you are concerned about repercussion of the DVO I have been advised that pick up and drop off should be at a public location where there is CCTV, like McDonalds

Thanks again

 

[Rosscoe]

I am not sure her grounds for demanding supervised visit will have any standing. The presence of a DVO over OP and supervised visits don't seem to have any relevance? Seems like blackmail to me???

I also do not think that the demands for self isolation have any merit to them either, or though, who knows what will happen with COVID next. Let's say it's looking good for inter state travel in the next month or two. You have every right to start requesting visitation. If the chief health officer has stated it is all good to travel then it is a return to normal. So... What happened pre covid / February? Try and implement something similar to that? Were those visits supervised? If not, then there is no reason to start supervised visits now. I guess a judge may look at how old the children are? If they are very young, then supervised visits after such a long absence could be reasonable.

Going to court is an awful experience, but sometimes it is the only avenue, as the OP often needs to hear from a 3rd party in a position of authority (Judge) and not their ex spouse. If you have a 60i certificate you would need to do an initiating application requesting for interim and final parenting orders. As you live inter-state try be practical in the orders you ask for as to what is best for the kids (especially as they haven't seen you for a while). Sounds like medium to long term this is going to be your option?

As a starting point I would write an e-mail to the OP stating that you would like to arrange visitation to children in terms of the consent orders entered into. I would state that you pose no physical nor psychological harm to the children and that you wish to see them as you miss them and want to opportunity to re-connect after a long period apart due to COVID etc etc... Say there is no health risk to the children either as chief health officer stated on xx date that inter state travel between state q and state v can re-commence due to the low risk.

 

[appleton]

Thank you for your comments Rosscoe, yes, blackmail is a reoccurring theme and it has only been through third party support that we have made any progress (ie routine video phone calls).

The 'supervision' claim really, is just her way of trying to have control over the situation. Its a game to her. Especially attempting to use this as a requirement to have the DVO dropped and can also only see the child if we pay for x,y,z.

Every other time we have visited we have been left with the child alone for days. There are no risks and both myself and partner work with children on a daily basis (have blue cards etc).

We also agree and are conscious of the reality that we live interstate and attempted parenting orders that reflected that. As the child gets older it is possible that we will end up residing in the same state.