QLD SPR Orders already in place wanting to share SPR with step father rather than adoption.

[Ceejay]

Hi
Just reaching out seeing if anyone has experienced this or can offer an opinion. Happy for constructive all points discussion, not so happy with personal attacks either against me or the other parties
Trying to write this as factual so referring to Miss 13 as “the child” and written in the 3rd person.

Back story: married in 2000 ended in 2010 no DV or infidelity just ended, only 1 child from relationship aged 5 at split, mother primary carer (me), parenting plan straight away, then first set parenting orders (PO) by consent sept 11 reducing time for other party by their request, then second set PO also by consent beginning 2012. These orders reduced time even further by other party request and are sole parental to me and time every third weekend, some hols and special events.
Stopped paying CSA so action taken by CSA and wages garnished.

Dec 2012 massive fractured relationship between bio dad and the child which was built each time request of reduced time happened. Since Jan 2013 other party stopped all contact with the the child no phone, no time, no cards, no hols etc. just like he no longer exists. Bio dads family stopped all contact with the child when marriage ended including grandparents. Child damaged required significant mental health assistance does not want any relationship with bio dad with very strong expressed wishes.
I’ve always offered to support assisting rebuilding if requested but no request made.
Continued to comply with Orders and post reports, send sickness emails etc to other party also with no response. 2016 return to sender mail and no idea of new address of other party.
From split to mid 2013 remained single, did not date did not introduce any one new to the child.

Mid 2013 I met my now husband who has raised the child as his own since then. His adult son acts as brother and his dad acts as grandad. Child calls husband dad and refers to herself since our marriage as his surname. Using husbands surname as known as name at school, extra curricular uses husbands surname etc.
Family carries on as normal, lives life no one would know husband is not bio dad. Lots of recent overseas travel as a family group everyone travelling on one surname except the child, as a 13 year old now asking lots of questions and researching her rights.

So the main point - adoption irrelevant as takes a long time, very expensive and requires bio dad consent at all times which he can withdraw without consequences.

So we want to go into Federal Circuit Court parenting orders to share my SPR with my husband, not onerous as not removing rights from bio dad as he already removed them himself by consent 6 years ago and has never requested them back. Additionally to new orders: add change of surname to allow change under BDM act, add time spent with as per child’s request as over 13 years old, indemnify bio father against CSA and any monetary payments.
Not looking at starting mediation process until next year so Initiating Application not until child turned 14.

Reasons for wanting to do this:
• Child wants it, I want it, husband wants it;
• removes legal issues if anything happens to me medically or my death;
• aligns orders with what has been in place for last 5 years.

So any views, thoughts etc. anyone in the same boat or has experience of this?

Side note: this will be a self rep application as far in process as is required. Very comfortable with all aspects of the judicial process and required family court rules, FL act etc. Yes also aware of Rice v Asplund and Chapman v Palmer but any other case law would be welcome

 

[AllForHer]

I don’t really understand the logic behind this when you already have sole parental responsibility. Sharing parental responsibility isn’t like adoption, and you can pass parental responsibility on to your husband in the event of your death as part of your will, anyway.

Other than some feel good emotions for everybody, what practical purpose does shared parental responsibility with step-Dad serve? What will you be able to do that you can’t already do?

 

[Ceejay]

I don’t really understand the logic behind this when you already have sole parental responsibility. Sharing parental responsibility isn’t like adoption, and you can pass parental responsibility on to your husband in the event of your death as part of your will, anyway.

Other than some feel good emotions for everybody, what practical purpose does shared parental responsibility with step-Dad serve? What will you be able to do that you can’t already do?

Thanks for your addition to this string. I have already made provision in my will for SF to be made guardian however that still requires court action after my death and is not automatic. I’m at a point that I would rather have it in place now than leave it to grieving SF straight after my death.

In Australia yearly adoption levels are now less than 400 children and it’s regarded as only relevant for overseas and altruistic surrogate births. Adoption is extremely high risk as the bio parent can provide consent throughout the whole 2 year plus process and then withdraw it at the last minute without consequences. Adoption wipes the birth certificate and that is the only difference between that and parenting orders which also have the provision of permanently indemnifing the bio parent against CSA payments and any other payments.

Parenting Orders provide full parental responsibility so therefore SF could authorise emergency medical treatment for the child if I was overseas or interstate and cannot get back in time, SF can sign passport applications, SF would have same legal status as me in regards to the child’s schooling, SF would have all rights as I would have in regards to all long term decision making so definitely a lot more than “feel good emotions”.
The current SPR Orders are so out of date now and not relevant to any practical application on a daily basis.

I don’t live as a single mother, I live in a fully functioning family where the child is raised by her mum and her dad as she sees it. However the Orders as they stand have caused us huge disruption over the last year at points in time when stress and decision making have been extreme. This is a public forum so I’m not going to go into details so please understand.

Adoption for us is not right, we have no desire to wipe the bio father from her life as that’s not fair to her or him.
Parenting Orders allow us to continue to live practically without inconvenience, disruption, embarrassment for the child without disadvantaging the bio father.

There has been recent case law handed down on this matter. My aim is to just see if there is more information I can gain.

I hope I was able to clarify it more from the original post.
Kind regards.

 

[Meemaw]

Hi Ceejay

Very interested in the outcome of your matter as I am aware of a duplicate situation whereby the mother is attempting to commence similar proceedings. Hopefully you can provide some guidance or at least detail of your experience.

Thanks, M

 

[Rod]

Thinking aloud, and not even sure if it is possible, have you considered 'co-Guardianship' as an alternative along with a court order for change of name? May mean use a state based court instead of the FCC.

 

[sammy01]

How old is the kid?14? Look, since you have not mentioned a terminal illness, I'm assuming that isn't an issue. IF I'm WRONG I sincerely apologise...

My solutions.
1. Don't die...
2. Read this
Parenting cases - the best interest of the child - Family Court of Australia

'best interest of the child'. Expressed wishes of the child. THIS IS THE BEST BIT "The child’s relationship with each parent and other people, including grandparents and other relatives." The child has a relationship with step dad and none with BIO dad... Kid has been traumatised by mum's death... Do you really think that anybody is gonna remove that child from the person who she has learnt to rely upon most (except for you)... HELL NO... So unless you've failed to mention something really important like step dad has done jail time for abuse of a minor, then I think all you have to do is make sure you look left, look right, then look left again before crossing the road....

So, you can call child support and request they no longer collect...

Change name? Go to the school... Parent can request name change, in-fact, I'd have thought you could do that through BDM because you have sole parental responsibility? So you can fix that without court???? NO???

Lets pretend you can't - go to the school, ask them to change it on their files. They're likely to do so... Then relax, if it mattes that much the child can do it themselves the day after their 18th B'day.

PLAN B -
Cancel child support, you can do that without even asking dad. Just tell CSA you don't want them to collect it anymore. The term is 'private agreement'. Do that ... Wait a few months, contact dad... Ask IF he would mind if the name got changed. All that leaves is the WHAT IF YOU DIE concern... But think I nailed that one already.

Look if it were me, I'd do nothing... Poking a bear... You organise mediation and all of a sudden dad decides he actually cares... YOU POKED THE BEAR... All of as sudden he wants time with the kid... It seems the kid is opposed... Let sleeping bears be

 

[MartyK]

There needs be extenuating/special circumstances for courts to entertain parental responsibility to someone other than a biological parent - both parents are alive and one already has sole parental - I do not like your chances, ceejay.