My husband of 4 years suffers from Bipolar and has had a long-standing alcohol and substance abuse history. My husband has been working with his psychologist for approx a year and had not had a drink since May last year. We have also been waiting for our local rehabilitation centre to make contact to have an assessment done for admission. I support my husband any way I can with his mental health illness as do my two sons (16 & 10), whom he is a stepfather to.
The other night he had a relapse. The combination of alcohol and his medication fuelled a very angry verbal man, one we had never seen before. It was late at night and I had no one else to call for help to calm him down other than the police.
Long story short, the police have made an application for a protection order based on us (my 16yo and me) telling them how angry he was with us and being quite verbally aggressive (not his usual character). I had explained his mental health issues, his alcohol and substance abuse and how concerned we were for his safety. They took him away to the watch-house for 4 hrs and released him on custody conditions (which he did not understand and came home only to be "arrested again").
At 3 am, the police served me with the protection order application and when reading the police statement recommending the magistrate put in place a full no contact at all for 2 years Domestic Violence Order outcome is incorrect. They have implied my son and I were concerned for our safety, that we were fearful of him and that there were previous Domestic Violence incidences that had not been reported. An incident did occur, however, most of the information in the report have been written wrong. It looks really bad for my husband and my intention was not for any of this to happen, I just wanted some assistance to calm him down and make sure he was ok.
I want to be able to go to court tomorrow and tell the magistrate that they are about to possibly impose a full Domestic Violence Order based on false information in the police report. I have been told I am not able to change or ask for the protection order to be stopped.
I want a voice in this and get the right message across as my husband is not a bad person and this was a one-off the incident.
Should your husband's behaviour repeat itself due to his mental health disposition, then call the ambulance who will take him to PEC which is the emergency mental health unit to be seen, assessed and stabilised. If necessary the ambulance officers if they feel he needs to be taken to the hospital and your husband refuses nor can be convinced to go with the ambulance officers then the police will be called to assist.
You called the police because you were frightened and if as you state , you were just concerned and didn't know who else to call - then bear in mind this does not mean your 17-year-old son was not frightened nor your 10-year-old and I suggest strongly that you learn all you can regarding Bipolar because the name itself means Bi= two Polar= opposite.
Where Bipolar is concerned they suffer the extremities of going from severe depression and suicidal to being manic and psychotic within seconds. (There is no in between. Hence why staying on medication to even out and stabilise this severe and traumatic disorder is vital.) Therefore, the state you described re husband to be in (and he knows very well no alcohol is to be taken with his medications) would be classed as Manic and Psychotic episode hence dangerous and he would not mentally know what he would be doing or acting, what is happening and a extremely dangerous situation for you and your sons to be in, as whilst a person is in a psychotic episode - there is no perspective of reality.
This includes the high possibility that they do not see you, as you. That is to say as his wife but something else eg- the devil, someone trying to hurt him or another example is that a garden hose can appear as if it is a snake to him. His perspective or cognitive functioning is far from reality. You called the police because he was aggressive and not himself, therefore, was dangerous to you and your sons let alone himself.
Your safety was in jeopardy whether you wish to acknowledge this or not in fact. It is because you did not feel safe for yourself, sons as well as for your husband's sake nor could control him or the situation, hence why you called the Police. The Police, when called, have the judgement call to remove the aggressor for your safety as well as your sons.
Based on the information given to them, this was not the first incident of threatening behaviour as stated by you in your post and they chose to place him away from you n your sons to the watch tower rather than a mental health unit. Police are not Doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists or clinical nurses. They did their rightful duty in removing the aggressor and protected you n your sons from any harm so that you could be safe. The DVO they have asked the magistrate to place on him is out of concern for your safety and your son.
A 2-year permanent DVO to have no contact with you or your son based on the evidence seen and given by either yourself, son, your husband, or all three as well as their own report of the situation including his behaviour whilst with the police and in the watchtower. You are correct in stating your husband would not have any memory, understanding, comprehension of his episode whatsoever! A psychotic episode will cause this. Mixing his medication with alcohol is an extremely dangerous and life-threatening cocktail. Not just for himself but for you, your sons and the police.
I'm afraid it is you who does not realise how dangerous the psychotic episode your husband was having at the time was to you and your sons to the point that the police may have saved your life and your sons let alone your husband's. The DVO is set up for you and your sons protection. It is so that your husband cannot have contact with you at all. It is, however, not breaking court orders if you were to have contact with your husband.
You also can remove the DVO if both parties are agreeable. To remove your sons' name from the DVO is and should be your sons' decision. You have the responsibility towards your son especially the 10-year-old to protect them whilst you wish to stand by your husband. I applaud you for giving your support to your husband with his mental health condition but do not turn a blind eye on the effects this has on both your sons. Nor be naive in thinking this will not occur again as it has done so previously because this disorder is for life. It can only be maintained not fixed.
I will state again - should your husband's behaviour occur to this extent or lesser, please ring the ambulance who will take your husband to PEC which is a fabulous team of specialised Metal Health professionals who will assess, take good care of him, stabilise him and assist him. If you wish to support your husband which undoubtedly you do, please either convince him or take him to mental health professionals should he decide not to take his medication (you will soon know by his change of behaviour if he does this n it is a common occurrence) in order to keep him stable and safe but also the safety of your children and yourself.
Through your post, it can be seen and felt how much you love your husband and cared for him. He is a very lucky man to have your support. I'm sure you feel equally lucky to have him as a partner and no doubt he is a lovely, loving man. However, please do not be blind to the fact that your sons, especially your 10-year-old, are not traumatised by this occurrence and other behaviours that have occurred and are to come and they are not affected.
Your sons also need safety, security and stabilisation within the home and it would be a good idea for you and your sons to have counselling so their fears, trauma which you may not be aware of, stress, understanding of your husband and their stepfather's disorder has upon you all as individuals. You are responsible for your children's well-being in every way. Coping mechanisms would be advisable for you and your sons which therapy will help.
You do not realise the impact upon the family, especially your sons, let alone yourself is having and making when supporting, living with a family member who has a mental health disorder. It can be managed depending on the person with this life-long disorder and his willingness to maintain his medication and stay away from alcohol or anything that contains alcohol.
There are also mental health advocacies who will assist your husband regarding DVO or any legal problems. Also if you type in 'bipolar, mental health services, disability services, mental health advocacy, or simply go to your nearest public or private hospital or GP, you will obtain all information regarding Allied Health services to help and support both your husband and your family, info regarding bipolar, psychotic episodes, knowledge on medication effects/ side effects, numbers to ring 24/7, etc.
All the best.
