NSW Partner's Ex Not Complying with Parenting Order - Family Court Options?

[Corinne]

Hi,

My partner and his ex recently went through family court to obtain parenting orders for their 5-year-old son. They live 3.5 hours apart. My partner drives halfway to meet his ex on the weekends his son is at our place, as stated in the orders.

Tonight she didn't show, claiming she wants their son for mother's day so bad luck. So he's driven all that way for nothing.

Is there any point making a fuss about this or just keep a record?

Thinking about writing a quick letter to her lawyer Monday.

Cheers

 

[sammy01]

nope - if it is a one off... He'd be better to be assertive and compromise... Like - hey ex why not you have the kid on mothers day and then dad has 2 weekends in a row.... OR have a look at a calendar and see if father's day is on his weekend. He might be able to swap for him seeing his kid on father's day.

Not worth going to ocurt over. I hope the ex plays nice in compromising around father's day etc. IF not - get used it it... Yup life aint fair

 

[AllForHer]

Honestly, I'm not sure what your partner expected to happen. If you took this to court for a contravention, my guess is that it would change the orders so the kid sees mum on Mother's Day and dad on Father's Day.

Keep some perspective here. The kid should be with mum on Mother's Day. If your partner had been smart, he would have suggested himself that the kid be with mum on Mother's Day, and if he'd been even smarter, he wouldn't requested Father's Day weekend or another weekend in exchange.

 

[Corinne]

Sorry left out some details, my partner gets one weekend a fortnight. One of those weekends spent at our place, one weekend where they live 3.5 hours away (using paid accommodation).

He initiated the Mother's Day weekend swap four weeks ago. Was sorted.

Fast forward to Anzac weekend, my partner was up there, as ordered. She demanded their son be at the Anzac dawn service and requested picking him up from the hotel at 4am. (She's never attended a dawn service in her life but new bloke is ADF so it's suddenly important.)

My partner refused politely, stating it's his weekend and he's travelled there to spend time with his son, who is five years old and doesn't fully understand the Anzac significance at this stage.

She flips out and states the court orders are to be followed exactly from then on, with no weekend swapping.

Fast forward to the next court ordered weekend, doesn't show up.

Yeah, he could try to negotiate father's day but it falls on one of her weekends so there's nothing stopping her from withholding him that weekend also.

 

[Corinne]

The main reason the whole thing had to go court was because she was a flight risk. He consented to one relocation only, so she could live with her army bloke and attend the uni course she was accepted into. But 12 months later she wanted to move further unnecessarily, so now she has an ordered 20km restriction.

I also thought it would put an end to this yes one day no the next day mixed message crap. Especially seeing as my partner's proposed orders were detailed and clarified all of these occasion weekends.

But her expensive lawyer disregarded all of his orders and we now follow her vague orders which don't really specify much.

Frustration.

 

[sammy01]

Look you'll have to cut your losses. Is it worth taking her to court again? I don't think so not if you're still seeing the kid most of the time. You have to realise that it ain't fair and if mum is gonna be a pain the best you can do is don't let it seeing it get to you. Not legal advice - just hard worn advice that comes with years of experience with a difficult ex...

 

[Corinne]

Yeah you're right.

My intention isn't for it to go back to court, my intention is to try and let her know it's a binding legal agreement and that she can't keep dictating her bulls**t.

 

[sammy01]

U'm - have to disagree... Tell her it is a legally binding agreement and that she can't keep dictating her bulls**t - you know what will happen next? You won't see the kid for a month or more. Just so she can prove you wrong.. In-fact if you actually use that language she'll have an AVO against you and you won't be seeing the kid at all..
The law is yet to work out how to make an order that forces a nasty vindictive ex to play nice. So your job is to become ambivalent to the stupidity and work out ways of managing your time with the kids so the ex's antics have no impact on you.... Tough gig and if you ever work out how to do it can you let me know the secret 'cause I'm still struggling with it.

 

[Corinne]

Oh yeah of course, that's why it wouldn't be in those words and wouldn't come from us.

That's supposed to be the point of the orders, for them to be followed regardless of antics. Why else is there an option to file contraventions?

At no point did the judge say, "Even though these orders are in place no one actually has to follow them and you can all continue doing whatever you want."

 

[sammy01]

Yup, I agree - wish it was that simple. But when you look at the contravention, then look at the time / cost / stress that is involved in pursuing a contravention and when you look at the likely consequence for the person breaching the orders. It quickly becomes apparent that the effort involved in pursuing the contravention is massive, meanwhile, the consequence for breaching is stuff all.