VIC Mother of Children Breaching Family Court Orders?

[barmite]

My partner's ex is contently breaching family court orders (but has never withheld the children as of yet).

She won't give him access to medical records, school records, etc. She is constantly making up false allegations of neglect to try and stop visits, brainwashing the children to put fear into them, refusing to communicate on any important things for the children, rejecting all phone calls and has even told them they can't not bath or eat or be happy in our home and has refused to do some extra mediation (supervised) but has now all of a sudden requested that he mediate with her!

We can not do anything until she withholds the children. Is this true and does he have to agrees to mediation now that she has declined so many times?

What's the next step?

 

[MartyK]

Do the orders provide for shared parental responsibility? Are there any specific orders about school reports? Telephone communications?

Does he have to agree to mediation? No, but what purpose would it serve the present situation in him not attending?

 

[barmite]

Orders state shared custody of children live with mum, spend certain days with father Father is to call children between 6.30pm -7pm Thursday (she has rejected every call). That the mother supplies copies of all school reports,medical care any extra curricular activities.

She proposes that he pay for half the mediation in a place of her choice.

 

[MartyK]

It is quite unusual, not unheard of, to have an order for one parent to supply reports et al to the other parent. More often than not, the orders will provide for the school to provide these things directly to the other parent. Is there any chance you have misread the orders?

I have never been a big fan of rigid telephone communications orders that state a specific day and time. IMO They often fail to adequately take into account the children's daily needs, unexpected circumstances and/or commitments from day to day and can certainly lead to issues between parents. I prefer more flexibility. In any event this could be something discussed at mediation?

 

[barmite]

That mother advised any practitioner to communicate with the father and authorise schools to provide copies of reports school notices photos, etc. Communicate with the father in relation to the children's school progress.

The phone calls on those days and times were the mother's suggestion. The mediation she is requesting to try and alter the orders so he stops over night visits, not to discuss the actual concerns of the children.

 

[MartyK]

Authorizes the school to provide, not the mother provide, that's what I thought.

You can provide a copy of the Court Orders to the school. The mother should have done this already but may have failed to do so. You could also arrange for a time to meet with the principal to discuss the orders and to provide contact details so in future he receives the reports etc

Mediation is not one sided and you can raise issues also. You do not have to agree to a change in the care arrangements.

 

[barmite]

Thank you for your help

How does he go about the brainwashing and the alienating of the children

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, so, first, a contravention is a contravention is a contravention, and they're all potentially actionable. However, the Court is generally 'light-footed' when it comes to contraventions that don't significantly impact the children's right to have a relationship with both parents, such as failure to provide reports, failure to communicate about doctor's appointments, etc. The one contravention the Court will be most concerned about is a contravention of the 'time spent with' arrangements. Thus, when you're looking at contravention options, you're better off documenting all the little things until something big happens - such as withholding the child.

With the above in mind, I'd suggest focusing less on the competency of the mother, and more on what the father can do to make up for her failures.

First, phone calls. If the children are seeing dad regularly, then phone calls won't make much of a difference to a child, so simply try to call and if it goes unanswered, add it to your records and move on with your life.

Second, school record. As a parent with shared parental responsibility, he's within his right to contact the school directly and provide his information to receive a copy of all school reports, newsletters, etc. Rather than rely on the mother to relay this information, just be proactive and do it yourselves. Keep an eye on the school's website for newsletter; contact the school to get a time frame of when parent-teacher interviews are taking place so you can organise your own with the teacher, request that a report card be mailed to you at the end of each semester.

Medical records are a little more challenging if you don't know who the treating GP is, but you can speak to Medicare about the child's records.

Mediation - when he goes in, clarify from the get-go that he's not open to discussing changes to care arrangements unless it's to increase the time the children spend with him.

For most of the other stuff, though, it sounds like she's just trying to push buttons, so don't let her know those buttons are being pushed. When the kids say they're not allowed to eat at your house, tell them that it's daddy's house, therefore daddy's rules, and daddy says everyone is welcome to eat at his house. You have to learn to ignore the stuff that doesn't help the kids, and work only on what does help the kids. Don't let the poison infiltrate your home. The moment the kids are with dad, they're dad's responsibility. Dad's time is dad's time, not an extension of mum's time.

 

[barmite]

Thank you

 

[sammy01]

So do a google search for 'parallel parenting'. Get used to the stupidity and get some good strategies to stop it sending you crazy.

Contact the school - they should send you school reports. If you live a long distance away then ask for a phone interview with the teacher once a term or so. A good teacher should accommodate that. Then after the interview, email the ex. Tell her that you've spoken to the teacher and the teacher said this and that. Then inform the twit, (oops I mean ex) that as you have been forthcoming with information pertaining to the kids, you would appreciate if she could do the same, kind regards, etc, etc.

Make sure the kids know - make sure the kids understand that what mum says is not relevant at dad's house.

No court order can force an idiot to stop being an idiot. Simple. So work with what you've got.

Just out of interest, how much time do you have with the kids?