There's a lot of bits, but I'll try to keep it brief. People involved:
- Partner - Jack
- Partner's father - John
- Partner's sister (24) - Lucy
- Partner's brother - Bill
I met my partner 8 years ago during my last year of uni (finishing masters in architecture). He was finishing his undergrad in the same field. I was 23, and he was 26. We were dating for a year after studying, and we moved in together into his house a year later.
The following is probably a really naive thing of me to do. But for context, John had a chain of small businesses when he started a family, and he was almost always away working on things. Ever since my partner, Jack, was 14, John started being a builder and developer and would take his kid to work with him everywhere. So when I finished uni and Jack and I started to live together, I was immediately utilised in the family business. I was doing the building design work, administration, bookkeeping, emailing consultants, etc. My partner was doing the same tasks. John never hired staff because he wanted everything done in-house so he doesn't have to pay people.
What bothered me at the time was that we were never 'paid' a wage. But we could use the money from the trust that only had Jack, Lucy, and Bill on it. So what would happen is that everyone lived off one trust account which was managed and organised by John. I was concerned that we didn't have an independent income, but I was always assured it was better like this, and I had no previous experience of committed full-time work or a serious live-in partner, so I just went along with everything.
The thing is, as it turned out, and both my partner and I realised in recent years, that John probably has NPD. He uses people for his own gain, doesn't understand empathy, all the usual NPD list of traits. His presence and influence also took a huge toll on my relationship with Jack. We became more like coworkers/cohabitating than actual romantic partners. And John would put more and more pressure on us both until my body got very sick, and I had a flu-like state for the last 3 months.
Jack and I had no choice but to separate. We currently split up, and I live with my grandparents, looking for work ASAP, and Jack is going to rent a room in the city, trying to find a job also. John was not going to take any responsibility for what happened and wants Jack to not work elsewhere. Jack and I were split up for 2 weeks now, but we talk and support each other emotionally. The split was very heavy for both of us. But a week ago, John came to have a meeting with Jack, and the first thing he said was, "Did you sign a prenup?" For context, we weren't married, but we were engaged for about 5 years, but we were too busy, and the 'family' trust funds were too tied up with work for us to actually be able to have a wedding.
Jack and I still care for each other, but the future is uncertain at this point. I feel very used and discarded by the family. I know I should have seen it sooner, but I can't even describe how good John is at his bullshitting game. I spent the last 7 years helping him push his business of buying and selling land/developments. Lucy was too young to contribute as she was studying law until last year, and Bill (30) is mentally ill and has been playing video games at the family home as long as I've known them. I just don't know what to do. Do I just eat it and leave it behind as all the funds were only on the family trust? I don't want to screw my partner over because he was used all his life also, and I'm fairly certain he was taken off the trust also recently from the email we saw from ASIC. So do I just let it be and move on?
- Partner - Jack
- Partner's father - John
- Partner's sister (24) - Lucy
- Partner's brother - Bill
I met my partner 8 years ago during my last year of uni (finishing masters in architecture). He was finishing his undergrad in the same field. I was 23, and he was 26. We were dating for a year after studying, and we moved in together into his house a year later.
The following is probably a really naive thing of me to do. But for context, John had a chain of small businesses when he started a family, and he was almost always away working on things. Ever since my partner, Jack, was 14, John started being a builder and developer and would take his kid to work with him everywhere. So when I finished uni and Jack and I started to live together, I was immediately utilised in the family business. I was doing the building design work, administration, bookkeeping, emailing consultants, etc. My partner was doing the same tasks. John never hired staff because he wanted everything done in-house so he doesn't have to pay people.
What bothered me at the time was that we were never 'paid' a wage. But we could use the money from the trust that only had Jack, Lucy, and Bill on it. So what would happen is that everyone lived off one trust account which was managed and organised by John. I was concerned that we didn't have an independent income, but I was always assured it was better like this, and I had no previous experience of committed full-time work or a serious live-in partner, so I just went along with everything.
The thing is, as it turned out, and both my partner and I realised in recent years, that John probably has NPD. He uses people for his own gain, doesn't understand empathy, all the usual NPD list of traits. His presence and influence also took a huge toll on my relationship with Jack. We became more like coworkers/cohabitating than actual romantic partners. And John would put more and more pressure on us both until my body got very sick, and I had a flu-like state for the last 3 months.
Jack and I had no choice but to separate. We currently split up, and I live with my grandparents, looking for work ASAP, and Jack is going to rent a room in the city, trying to find a job also. John was not going to take any responsibility for what happened and wants Jack to not work elsewhere. Jack and I were split up for 2 weeks now, but we talk and support each other emotionally. The split was very heavy for both of us. But a week ago, John came to have a meeting with Jack, and the first thing he said was, "Did you sign a prenup?" For context, we weren't married, but we were engaged for about 5 years, but we were too busy, and the 'family' trust funds were too tied up with work for us to actually be able to have a wedding.
Jack and I still care for each other, but the future is uncertain at this point. I feel very used and discarded by the family. I know I should have seen it sooner, but I can't even describe how good John is at his bullshitting game. I spent the last 7 years helping him push his business of buying and selling land/developments. Lucy was too young to contribute as she was studying law until last year, and Bill (30) is mentally ill and has been playing video games at the family home as long as I've known them. I just don't know what to do. Do I just eat it and leave it behind as all the funds were only on the family trust? I don't want to screw my partner over because he was used all his life also, and I'm fairly certain he was taken off the trust also recently from the email we saw from ASIC. So do I just let it be and move on?
