QLD How Will Family Court Deal With Stepson Issues?

[mando Moo]

Hi,

I want to see if I can any information here. How can I approach this problem?

My partner of 2 years and I recently moved in together. He has his sons 10 days per fortnight because his ex-wife simply doesn't want them. His youngest son - 13 years old - has always disliked me but I have tolerated him for the sake of my partner. But now that we are living together, he is making my life a living hell. He's rude obnoxious and disrespectful to me and my own son.

My partner has asked/pleaded his ex-wife to have a least shared care but she won't. His son wants to live with his mother, too, but she just won't consider it.

Can anyone tell us what to do next? We have been to Relationships Australia but she didn't agree with their recommendations of shared care. He has taken his son to counselling but he was dishonest in his answers.

I do want to have an amicable relationship with him but I don't think we can do this while living under the same roof. This is also my house we are living in not my partners. My personal and work life is suffering and I know his son is suffering too. Any suggestion on how the family court would look at this? Do I have any say in this?

 

[AllForHer]

The Court would see a vulnerable teenager with no support from his father, mother or step-parent, however that aside, it also cannot force a parent to have a relationship with a child when that parent does not want to. Thus, even if you did have orders for shared care, nobody can force the mother to the take the child during her scheduled time with him.

Do you have a say in this? Not really, particularly because the Court's only concern is the child's best interests, not yours. The Court isn't going to oust a child from him home because step-mum is unhappy about the situation. You're the adult in this scenario, you're infinitely more capable of handling change and challenges with more finesse than your step-son. If he's disrupting your life, then you need to consider if living with his father is really the best thing for him. Otherwise, I strongly suggest looking into counselling for blended families.

 

[mando Moo]

Thank you for your reply, but really it's not his home, it's mine and my son's and my partner has been very supportive of his son with counselling spending a lot of time, etc. with him. But it's the son that doesn't want to be here with us. He wants to be with his mum. He spends all his spare time in his room without internet, tv, etc., as he's always being reprimanded for rudeness, bad language, fighting with his brother.

Yes, it's normal teenage boy stuff, but he constantly voices his hatred for me and uses abusive language towards me etc. I am worried that this will get violent and need to do something now. We have tried counselling for blended families and they recommended he lives with his mother as the relationship he has with me and his father is detrimental to his health

Also does the mother not have duty of care when it comes to the emotional well-being of her son?

 

[AllForHer]

Then perhaps it's time for your partner to move out and take his son with him.

As I said before, the Court cannot force the mother to spend more time with her son, but likewise, the father cannot just abandon his parental duties to his son because times are tough. Imagine how this boy is feeling. He's 13, he's living in a household where he is constantly reprimanded, with no escape because his own mother doesn't want him, and his father only has him because he doesn't have a choice. I'd be pretty angry at the world, too, if I was a kid in that position.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but the Court isn't interested in how you feel. It's interested only in what's best for this child.

 

[mando Moo]

Thanks for your reply.

We have now sought legal advice and the judge has ruled the mother has a legal responsibility to care for her son up until the age of 18. Just as he has, she can't be made to have him but neither can his dad. He has ruled it's in the child's best interest to live with her as this is what he wants.

Hope this helps with others out there, it has been a costly experience but definitely worth it