my ex moved away after we split without my consent taking our child with them the child was 16mths. it took 8 weeks before I got to see my child and then have had 2 other visits since then only when it suited my ex so nothing consistent. They have been served with paperwork for interim and final orders and court is soon. I have now heard that they are trying for supervised visits as they do not believe the baby to be safe around me. We had a lot of arguments with some of them resulting in me hitting walls but never my ex or my child. I was a fulltime parent up until my ex moved away over 12 hrs away. I know that you can never know what will happen but would be my ex's chances of getting supervised visits even though I have already had 3 visits with my child that had no stipulations. They will have pictures of the damage proving the violence that they will be claiming - I was supposed to have another visit but the day after the paperwork was served that changed and have not seen my child now for 7 weeks. My ex is also planning on moving again and has posted all over facebook but has not notified me at all I have just heard through mutual friends. My ex will also claim that my child is emotionally upset each time I have had a visit for more than a week because they baby cannot be away from her for that long although the child is perfectly happy and not upset at all when he is with me and my family. Just curious with your experiences what to maybe expect at court. I do not know her response as of yet but have heard from mutual friends what they are trying to do
first mention court coming soon
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This early in proceedings, the Court won't be testing evidence, so if mum makes allegations of domestic violence, there's a pretty good chance the Court will make interim orders for the child's time with you to be supervised. Don't take it personally, the Court just goes by 'better to be safe than sorry' in such cases so it can eliminate any risk, whether that risk is real or not.
Supervised isn't so bad, though. If it's through a contact centre, the supervising staff will provide reports that you can use in your matter to hopefully show the child's time with you was positive and happy. It can help put mum's concerns to rest, basically.
However, I do want to point out that hitting walls is very much going to be considered domestic violence, especially if the child was present when you did so. Just because you haven't struck someone, doesn't mean your actions weren't intimidating or threatening, so be careful how you proceed on that. Rather than trying to quantify your actions by saying 'but it's not that bad', you're better off saying 'Yes, I did those things, I am sorry, I am taking an anger management course to help me handle my emotions more appropriately' or something along those lines.
Supervised isn't so bad, though. If it's through a contact centre, the supervising staff will provide reports that you can use in your matter to hopefully show the child's time with you was positive and happy. It can help put mum's concerns to rest, basically.
However, I do want to point out that hitting walls is very much going to be considered domestic violence, especially if the child was present when you did so. Just because you haven't struck someone, doesn't mean your actions weren't intimidating or threatening, so be careful how you proceed on that. Rather than trying to quantify your actions by saying 'but it's not that bad', you're better off saying 'Yes, I did those things, I am sorry, I am taking an anger management course to help me handle my emotions more appropriately' or something along those lines.
Thank you - yes I realise that and my lawyer has all the facts I have not hidden this at all. Our relationship was a toxic one and should not have lasted as long as it did. I have had previous relationships where we would have a normal arguments but with this ex she just pushed every button she knew how . We went to couples counselling and I was told to walk away if things were getting heated which I did but my ex did not like that either as I wasn't staying to play the game and after a few times of me walking away she deicided that she didn't want the relationship at all , but she is now going to use that against me as the family counsellor will also say there was domestic violence but not of a concern to notify anybody and no police were ever called or any orders placed on me . So yes my reaction was definitely not the best but I am a much a happier person now we are not together if I can just get custody sorted. My ex moved away 6 months ago and has been fine with me having visits with my son as long as it was on her terms. I tried mediation but she just didn't respond to that - I believe she did not think I would take it further and she was getting everything her way - so i have the 601 and got sick of trying to get some consistent visits as it must be so confusing for my child as like I said I have been with him since the day he was born I was an at home dad as my ex needed a carer and wanted me to stay at home. My ex has stated in a text that the visits are for my benefit not the childs at this age . I would have put something in place if I had of known she was moving away - after the split she wanted to visit her parents - she promised that she would be back but 1 month into it she text saying she was not coming back and being so far away it is not possible to have the same amount of contact. Last visit I asked for 2 weeks as it is such a long way to travel for bub and her response was if I wanted 2 weeks I would have to wait 2 months as he gets too upset being away from her. He enjoys every minute he is here and I only want whats best for him so hoping that something will be put in place that is consistent and regular. I just find if frustrating that she is only now worried about his "safety" with me after the paperwork was served. The day before she was served that paperwork she had sent a text agreeing to meet me half way for another 2 week visit she was not concerned with his saftey then. All my vists have been at my parents place anyway as they miss our little bub as well as they have had him with a minimum one night sleepover if not more since he was 8 weeks old so all visits are supervised - although not once has she stipulated that they had to be in the previous visits. I am hoping that counts for something.
Don't underestimate the intelligence of the judge that will hear your matter. There isn't a story told in family law that hasn't been told before, but very rarely do allegations of domestic violence actually result in no contact as final orders. The Court understands that in the context of a relationship breakdown, things can get a bit heated, but so long as you make concessions for your actions and work to rectify them, you stand a pretty good chance of getting reasonable time with your kid.
What's the distance between you and mum now? How long has she lived where she's living?
What's the distance between you and mum now? How long has she lived where she's living?
Thank you.
She is still currently approx 13 hrs away but I have heard she is moving again and it will be approx 7 hrs away. She moved there in November last year and from what I have heard will be moving in a months time.Like I mentioned before that is from mutual friends that have shown me posts on social media not from her informing me of any of this. She still has a house here that is currently empty and has now put a contract on a house where she is moving too.
She is still currently approx 13 hrs away but I have heard she is moving again and it will be approx 7 hrs away. She moved there in November last year and from what I have heard will be moving in a months time.Like I mentioned before that is from mutual friends that have shown me posts on social media not from her informing me of any of this. She still has a house here that is currently empty and has now put a contract on a house where she is moving too.
She initially asked me to move up north and work for her father even though we were apart but it is lucky I didn't as she is now moving again.
Our relationship has been one where she wanted me to move there and she said she wanted to introduce me to other girls up there to one where she left me due to "violence" and the whole reason we separated was due to the violence but then contradicts herself by asking me to move to where she is??? Even when we went to counselling I decided it would be better to not stay in the same house whilst we were trying to work things out and she came to me and asked me back to stay in the house as she felt safer that does not sound like somebody who left me due to violence. But all that is not important what is important is my son and I am hoping that whatever the outcome is it is the best one for him. Honestly if he was upset and not settled when he was here with me I would not be trying to get any custody as he is what is important but he is not upset he is happy and not stressed at all.
I currently have a job here, my house and my family. My child is so close to his grandparents here they have been a major part of his life since he was born. If I move to where she is yes I will be closer to my son but will have nothing and will then have to find a job and somewhere to live and I am pretty sure now she has a new partner and has had since December she will not want me near them at all and would not make any difference to how much time she will allow me to have with my son. My son was raised here where I live and she moved him away from that and then says she is being fair with what she is giving me .
The reason I went down the path of court was in her mind he is her son not our son. Even at one of the pickups her mum had said to bub you are going on a holiday and that's how she sees it not going to see your dad but just a trip away.
I was working when we first got together but because of her accident she had when she was very young and had a report to say she needed a carer once the baby was born I pretty much gave up work when she received her insurance payout to stay at home and look after her and bub and had not worked for over a year - although she seems fine to do things now. I had thought about moving up north when she first left but one it still hurt that the relationship was over and financially I just could not afford to do it at all as when we broke up I was on my own as I had been financially dependent on her which is what she wanted.
Even the trips to get bub are expensive. My parents have paid for a flight there to save him the long drive but the other time we drove as it was cheaper then flights.
Since our split I have just gotten back to work and started to get back on my feet and financially it is a struggle but I am doing it and as long as I have what I need to take care of my son I am happy.
Our relationship has been one where she wanted me to move there and she said she wanted to introduce me to other girls up there to one where she left me due to "violence" and the whole reason we separated was due to the violence but then contradicts herself by asking me to move to where she is??? Even when we went to counselling I decided it would be better to not stay in the same house whilst we were trying to work things out and she came to me and asked me back to stay in the house as she felt safer that does not sound like somebody who left me due to violence. But all that is not important what is important is my son and I am hoping that whatever the outcome is it is the best one for him. Honestly if he was upset and not settled when he was here with me I would not be trying to get any custody as he is what is important but he is not upset he is happy and not stressed at all.
I currently have a job here, my house and my family. My child is so close to his grandparents here they have been a major part of his life since he was born. If I move to where she is yes I will be closer to my son but will have nothing and will then have to find a job and somewhere to live and I am pretty sure now she has a new partner and has had since December she will not want me near them at all and would not make any difference to how much time she will allow me to have with my son. My son was raised here where I live and she moved him away from that and then says she is being fair with what she is giving me .
The reason I went down the path of court was in her mind he is her son not our son. Even at one of the pickups her mum had said to bub you are going on a holiday and that's how she sees it not going to see your dad but just a trip away.
I was working when we first got together but because of her accident she had when she was very young and had a report to say she needed a carer once the baby was born I pretty much gave up work when she received her insurance payout to stay at home and look after her and bub and had not worked for over a year - although she seems fine to do things now. I had thought about moving up north when she first left but one it still hurt that the relationship was over and financially I just could not afford to do it at all as when we broke up I was on my own as I had been financially dependent on her which is what she wanted.
Even the trips to get bub are expensive. My parents have paid for a flight there to save him the long drive but the other time we drove as it was cheaper then flights.
Since our split I have just gotten back to work and started to get back on my feet and financially it is a struggle but I am doing it and as long as I have what I need to take care of my son I am happy.
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