NSW Fathers name on birth papers Mother withheld putting Father on Birth Certificate and contact advice

[MrSquiggle]

Hi everyone

I had a look before I became a member and I found it the people giving advice did have the child's best interest
So I'm looking forward to hearing responses and consider them seriously.

I'm a father of a 3 year old girl who I feel is the only reason why I'm still alive and feel it's important enough to fight as long as I can for her since I feel and believe that I'm the only parent to show empathy towards the child. My ex the mother of our child been denying her for just close to a year now . I believe strongly is that she is narcissistic from what's happened in the past with the abuse and how this parental denial and her attempts at co-parenting with how much hatred she has and how maliciously with a total lack of empathy she has treated our daughter as a tool and object which no child should ever be exposed to or put in the middle of.
I want to go into in detail on my first question and I wanted to give a bit of a background on what kind of involvement I have with the child we both created.

I am on the birthing papers at hospital where both our names were named signed by her and I was listed as the authorised person and including we were married and still legally are so I am the presumed father regardless.
As embarrassing and uneducated this is to say I presumed that the name on the birthing papers was enough to have me listed on the birth certificate not knowing she would not list me behind my back and use it against me for the things that she maliciously did as my daughter got separated from her father after separation from a domestic violence incident where my ex-partner got charged with assault and malicious damage in front of my daughter then discovering when I had to leave the house because her condition was she could not contact or approach me and my name was not on the lease so I packed up took all the important documents and discovered the heartbreaking blank information in the parenting section of the birth certificate.

Now she has used it against me with de registering me from childcare so I could not pick up my daughter or see her .
Using it against me with the police when trying to get me for kidnapping when a they was a day organised by my father and sister and sher agreed to spend a bit of time with her (20mins) where she was not supposed to be there and come pick up her up at a later time when we were done but instead she hid somewhere and tried to snatch the daughter from me forcibly so I kept my distance while she was on the phone saying I'm taking her away waiting for police to come which they decided to take us back and try a mediation which was a pretty selfish attempt on her part to disagree with the officer and agree with some nights on and some nights off. Now she mentioned I'm not on the birth certificate
And I'm not legally the father and some hire up ranking officers decided (mind you they didn't even take our daughter out of the room while they try to mediate between us which got her emotional and was used against me) the pathetic they gave me is your not on the birth certificate and it's only home she's ever known we can't give her to you today she is going to be returned to the mother. (Not taking into account she set it up and not a breach of the avo which I found insulting and devastating when I left the station that day)
And now she is claiming that I did on two occasions refuse to put my name on the birth certificate even though there are statements by her claiming she couldn't locate me as the first primary reason when I questioned her about it.

I strongly believe she's trying to use this to gain control and deprive our daughter of relationship with both parents and trying to paint a picture that I'm some heartless father that hasn't had any interest in the child since separation
I can tell you strongly I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy what I've went through and it wasn't even this painful after when my mum committed suicide.

Reason I tell you all of this is going to relate to my questions which I would like you're experienced guidance and advice about.

1.is there any way for births deaths and marriages to somehow add me as a father without a DNA test considering I'm on the birthing papers signed by her I have legal documents stating the she calls me the father and also I was not given an opportunity to add my import at the time of birth registration ?


2. Am Iegally allowed since I am the presumed father of our daughter due to marriage to pick her up from daycare (I do not intend on keeping her away the way my ex partner did but I feel that if I don't have a a day or two a week at least that my daughter will be estranged from me)or go to at least minimum see and try and spend a little time with her and leave her letters photos and gifts if it is not advised if it will look bad on my family court case which is almost at the stage of being applied to the family courts by my legal aid lawyer ?

3. Should I bring up the lies and accusations regarding the birth certificate and how she used it the way she did in family court since it's regarding our daughter's birth certificate but at the same time I'm well aware that to not make it seem like divorce court if I gave it that impression if I did ?

3.I can't even get phone time with her as attempts have been made in the past and she has expressed in messages that "she is trying to not let her personal emotions affect our daughter" I have on occasions on her birthday father's Day and add a minimum of two sometimes one random times per month to leave her toys and a card.

4. About no contact I
All i get from her mother in rsponse from attempted attempts of me requesting speak to her and try to somehow have some time with her is messages about made up false accusations of stalking so-called victim playing harassment when she blocks my numbers and I get prepaid SIM cards each time I tried to contact my daughter and that has translated to her as harassment even though I feel like I am the one being emotionally abused and harassed and all I'm trying to established is our daughter's relationship with her father.
It's even got in this bad I've her accusing me of stalking because she did not disclose the address where she took our daughter and I found out because I was an authorised account holder on her mobile phone account and found out the new address from that source which I can tell you she was surprised and did not like around the time of my daughter's birthday when I delivered her presents and knocked on the door
Should I continue to leave presents and letters at her address because it's trying to seem like she's trying to get an AVO on the presumption I'm there to harm her even though on the day of separation she was the one who got an AVO as me listed as the protected person where I was assaulted and my property destroyed in front of my three year old which is in the statement and she is hell bent on revenge since the day I returned to the house and has tried every nasty selfish not in the best child's interest the way of trying to hurt my attempts I've been involved in our daughter's life and I don't want anything to fall bad and my part even though I'm not too impressed with her attempts and the police attempt of handling of their way without a court order.

Any advice on questions regarding with things ive expressed would be great

I just want the best possible outcome this has been the hardest thing I've had to experience in my life it's sad how a child can be subjected to this and it hurts the parent on the receiving end too . That child deserves one parent to at least have an empathy quality about them so they can be raised in the right environment and not have the environment play out in that's child's development so that child does not take on the factors that make up the environment that is not in the best interest of the child.

Apologies if it was long but I tried to give are short and accurate summarisation of a year of living hell in one Post.

More questions to come

Thank you to those who read it this far

 

[GlassHalfFull]

I don't know the answer to all your questions but I'll answer what I can...

2. Yes, although you in theory should be within your rights to pick up your daughter from daycare in the absence of any court orders, the daycare would obviously be very nervous about this, as they are responsible for ensuring that any child in their care is handed over to a legal guardian/parent. I think if you were to really force the issue, it definitely has the potential to look bad for you when the family court case is heard. Affidavits will be filed in advance of the first hearing and your ex will probably try to claim you were trying to abduct the child or something (even if that's not the case). You could obviously argue otherwise but at an interim stage, judges/registrars would err on the side of caution and you could look like a bit of a loose cannon. Better to do things 'by the book' IMO - you need to look like the sensible one. Let your ex look like the crazy one.

3. Yes I would say so. You should definitely try to tell the whole story including all the things your ex has done to try to prevent you having a relationship with your daughter. I don't know what you mean by "I'm well aware that to not make it seem like divorce court". Sorry, you've lost me there.

4. Be careful not to actually harass her. I totally get it, you want to see your child and she's been very unreasonable in avoiding you. I understand why you'd feel like you need to take matters into your own hands since she's so unreasonable, but I can tell you, AVOs are given out like lollies by the state courts, and if she has even the slightest reason to apply for one, it could make your case just that little bit more complicated. Better to just do things by the book through the courts. Again, be the reasonable one. I don't see the problem with leaving presents and letters as long as they're appropriate.

As for your general comments, yeah I'm with you there. My ex has done something very similar to me, and I'm about 18 months into the court process - no end in sight at the moment. Hang in there, most of the time the courts are pretty fair and will give you some contact with your child. Yes, it takes time (and money if you don't have legal aid) but you should get there unless she has any genuine reasons for withholding contact.

 

[rjm]

All good advice from Glass. Keep in mind that when you're 3 you don't have the ability to analyze conversation. If your ex is the one kicking off your child will probably think you're upsetting their Mum. The day my parents split up they had a physical tug of war over me, one on each arm. Initially I sided with my Mum as seeing my Dad cry & be so upset was scary. Just do your best to avoid drama in front of the kid & wait until the courts get your visitation sorted out. Hang in there.