VIC Father seeking access through mediation

[Anon_ymous]

Back again seeking some advice.
Partner is going to mediation in a fortnight to hopefully work out a parenting plan.
He's had an initial appointment however we are none the wiser as to what we should be looking to cover during the actual mediation session.
I know the mother has a lawyer and we cant really afford that at this time. Just wanting to be prepared and not wasting any time on the day.
All we have to put forward is the actual access and how it will occur and progress.
The mediator suggested we work on a short term plan -3 months, then come back to work out another for longer term.
Suggestions?

 

[sammy01]

more details needed.How old are the kids?
What sort of access do you have now?
Did he have more access 6 months ago? 12 months ago?
How far away do you guys live from mum?
Why is she limiting access?
Can you manage half holidays?

 

[Anon_ymous]

more details needed.How old are the kids?
What sort of access do you have now?
Did he have more access 6 months ago? 12 months ago?
How far away do you guys live from mum?
Why is she limiting access?
Can you manage half holidays?

I'll just paste from my original post to make it easier

"
My partner has initiated meditation to see his now 9-year-old son. He hasn't seen him since around 3-year-old, however we have been sending gifts for 2.5 years for birthdays, Christmas etc

Mother and my partner were never in a relationship, son was conceived of a one time encounter, so no real other relationship issues to consider.

My partner wasn't notified when she was pregnant or about his son for sometime after the birth. He did see his son but ceased doing this as he was receiving harassment from the mothers family and friends (just messages and minor vandalism to his car/home).

I have spoken with her about sending gifts (I thought it might be a good idea to be friendly with her, maybe help her feel at ease about the idea of him spending time with us) and she said it was fine as long as we mark the presents are from us. As up to know that part has been fine.

Partner requested again in Jan this year we wanted to make arrangements to see him (I have also let her know this 3 years ago and again last year, each time she asks to meet and chat and then just wont respond) which she said she will get her lawyer to send something and get it started.

So far we have only received a letter from her lawyers threatening an IVO - We are not to communicate with her or the son, or send any further gifts. We were advised the gifts have been unsolicited and 'out of the blue' and that given this, it is confusing for the son. Lawyers notified that she feels it imperative poth parties consult a psychologist before any access is considered.

I think that she would prefer my partners contact with his son to have been under her supervision and on her terms eg at her house etc which was what was happening at the beginning.

We would love as much contact with him as possible. Half holidays would be amazing and we would just have to work out leave with work.
I'm sure we could alternate (my partner one holidays, me the other). If that would be allowed.

 

[sammy01]

forget it... Do mediation, it will be a waste of time. Then apply to court. I hope I'm wrong but I think that is your best bet.
The good folk here will help with starting the process to self represent.

 

[Anon_ymous]

forget it... Do mediation, it will be a waste of time. Then apply to court. I hope I'm wrong but I think that is your best bet.
The good folk here will help with starting the process to self represent.

Thanks Sammy, I continue to do lots of reading. Do you think we should just focus on asking for a one day/night a week and not go into too much detail until the 3 months? Or should we try and address other stuff?

 

[Migz]

How far apart are the parents?

 

[Anon_ymous]

How far apart are the parents?

I believe in the same suburb. We moved to be closer and know for certain that the grandmother lives close to us (where he used to see his son). Mum keeps saying she doesn't live there but it's possible she does. I'd assume somewhere close though

 

[Migz]

Well if that's the case, and you guys are prepared to be in this little boy's life for the long haul, then go for it. Mediation is a complete joke and waste of time, you're better off going to the movies for 3 hours of your life. But it's good for 1 thing, letting the other party know you are serious, and letting them know what you will be seeking in court before it even happens.

The foreseeable issues will be;
1. Lack of previous time spent, she will more than likely ask for 2 hour supervised visits just to be an ass. DO NOT agree to this ever. I cannot stress this enough, it's an expensive road and a very long one.
2. You will need to put forward a time schedule which allows for "growth in time" but, the good thing is, your time increases and the child's age will be rapid as you live near by. So month one every 2nd Saturday for 4 hours, and every Wednesday night from school pick up to 7.30pm. Then month 2 Every second Weekend 4 hours both Days and Wednesday night blah blah blah...leading upto overnights on the Saturday say in 6 months time, then include Friday night at 9 mths time and Sunday nights in 12 months etc etc.
3. Make sure your parenting orders include time for Father's Day, Xmas Day, Halloween, Easter holidays, Birthdays, New year's Eve...etc etc so for example in all even Years mum gets Xmas Eve from 2pm to 2pm Xmas Day then Dad gets 2pm Xmas Day to 2pm Boxing Day...you get the gist
4. Write out how when where handovers are to take place, ideally most would be done at school, but in this phase in stage, you will have carry it out at say Macca's on a Saturday Arvo.
5. Write in that Dad is able to call the child twice or 3 times a week between 6 to 6.30pm, the child is at liberty to call Dad whenever he likes...etc etc decide if they are video calls or just normal calls.
6. Clothing...how will you deal with the exchanging of clothing/washing/drying/folding/ironing. Pedantic I know but the cause of so many ridiculous arguments...put it in writing and it's done.
7. Medications...who pays for the scripts, medications need to go with the child, doctors appointments, make sure this is covered in detail and water tight. How what where when...make sure the orders state that both parents are at liberty to discuss the child's medical history and medical reports with any doctors the child has seen or is seeing.
8. Do the same with schooling, you don't want to be shut out of school or parent teacher night or the school play because the ex has pulled a swifty on you.

Cheers

 

[Anon_ymous]

Well if that's the case, and you guys are prepared to be in this little boy's life for the long haul, then go for it. Mediation is a complete joke and waste of time, you're better off going to the movies for 3 hours of your life. But it's good for 1 thing, letting the other party know you are serious, and letting them know what you will be seeking in court before it even happens.

The foreseeable issues will be;
1. Lack of previous time spent, she will more than likely ask for 2 hour supervised visits just to be an ass. DO NOT agree to this ever. I cannot stress this enough, it's an expensive road and a very long one.
2. You will need to put forward a time schedule which allows for "growth in time" but, the good thing is, your time increases and the child's age will be rapid as you live near by. So month one every 2nd Saturday for 4 hours, and every Wednesday night from school pick up to 7.30pm. Then month 2 Every second Weekend 4 hours both Days and Wednesday night blah blah blah...leading upto overnights on the Saturday say in 6 months time, then include Friday night at 9 mths time and Sunday nights in 12 months etc etc.
3. Make sure your parenting orders include time for Father's Day, Xmas Day, Halloween, Easter holidays, Birthdays, New year's Eve...etc etc so for example in all even Years mum gets Xmas Eve from 2pm to 2pm Xmas Day then Dad gets 2pm Xmas Day to 2pm Boxing Day...you get the gist
4. Write out how when where handovers are to take place, ideally most would be done at school, but in this phase in stage, you will have carry it out at say Macca's on a Saturday Arvo.
5. Write in that Dad is able to call the child twice or 3 times a week between 6 to 6.30pm, the child is at liberty to call Dad whenever he likes...etc etc decide if they are video calls or just normal calls.
6. Clothing...how will you deal with the exchanging of clothing/washing/drying/folding/ironing. Pedantic I know but the cause of so many ridiculous arguments...put it in writing and it's done.
7. Medications...who pays for the scripts, medications need to go with the child, doctors appointments, make sure this is covered in detail and water tight. How what where when...make sure the orders state that both parents are at liberty to discuss the child's medical history and medical reports with any doctors the child has seen or is seeing.
8. Do the same with schooling, you don't want to be shut out of school or parent teacher night or the school play because the ex has pulled a swifty on you.

Cheers

Thank you SO much, that is incredibly helpful.
We definitely are in it for the long haul, we've been waiting so long and I guess were naive in thinking we could work it out without any interventions.
We've got two young kids too that deserve to grow up with their brother.
Her agreeing is one thing and actually doing is another.
Fingers crossed