QLD Father Absent for Years - Apply for Full Custody of Children?

[Krys]

Hi,

The biological father of my child has been absent from her life for 5 years, not one attempt to contact her at all verbally or physically. He now wants to see her after 5 years. She doesn't want to see him, even after I have asked her. She still says no.

His parents said to me "she needs to get over it". I think that is absurd and my child does not have to get over the fact she doesn't know him and in her eyes, he is a stranger.

The grandparents push her into things she doesn't want to do and they do this with bribery. My child has stated that she is sick of them pushing her into doing things she doesn't like or want to do. She is to somewhat emotionally damaged by them and now the biological father wants to see her after being completely absent for 5 long years, as I said, no contact at all.

Me and my husband would like to file for full custody of children for my child as I fear for her safety and psychological state of mind. I have been told by a family lawyer that letting him see her now will only desocialise her and emotionally make her struggle.

Please help me with this as I am honestly fearing for my child and she gets worried and scared if she has been asked to see either the grandparents or biological father

Kind regards

 

[sammy01]

I have concerns.

You said,

"I have been told by a family lawyer that letting him see her now will only desocialise her and emotionally make her struggle."

The reason I have is that a solicitor told you that. If a child psychologist who assessed your child said that, then I'd take it seriously... When solicitors say stuff like that, I imagine them on a beach in Fiji spending the money you gave them.

So - what to do? Nothing... If dad wants to see the kid, then make it happen. You have not said that he is violent or dangerous, so why not let the kid see the kid?

My kids tell me they hate the dentist and they are not going to go to the dentist. But they go to the dentist even if I have to take them in kicking and screaming... I understand why they hate the dentist....but why does your kid hate dad?

 

[AllForHer]

How old is the child?

 

[pam15]

i am in a similar situation. The father has been absent for 3 years. I have heard twice from him that he wants me to take my daughter to him for a visit but while we were together, he threatened me with abducting our child and even attempted to deny any contact of our daughter to his father after an altercation they had once.

In the 1st year of our separation, I was advised by Legal Aid that if there's no parenting plans or family court orders in place that I should not take my daughter to him but to not deny him visits or contact. Recently (after hearing from him again after 2 years), legal aid has informed me that given the time gap, I am not obligated to accept his calls and still say not to take my daughter to him but if he came to us I shouldn't deny him contact (we don't live in the same town).

His mother makes it difficult as she wants to remain in my daughter's life (which I haven't denied that, only that when she visits there she is supervised). The difficulty is based on realising during his and my relationship that she does what he says and know she has always wanted a girl of her own, so I fear that she would play a part in any attempts to abduct my daughter if he chooses to attempt it.

I have only heard from him twice in 3 years about him wanting to have me take my daughter to him. Other than that there has been next to no contact with him and my daughter has only had 3 calls with him and they were 2 years ago.

I'm curious to see if he falls under the definition of an absent father and what it could mean if I attempt any legal action.

 

[AllForHer]

"I'm curious to see if he falls under the definition of an absent father".

Nope. No such definition exists in Australian family law. Unlike many American states, Australia doesn't put an expiration date on parenting (thank goodness), so his absence quite literally means nothing if you attempt any legal action.

In fact, he has shared parental responsibility as a presumption. If he wanted to collect the child from school one day without telling you, he is at liberty to do so, and that is not, by any legal definition, 'abducting' the child. A parent can't abduct their own kids, and that's not just my opinion; that's the law.

 

[pam15]

"If he wanted to collect the child from school one day without telling you, he's at liberty to do so"

This is what scares me. With the threats of taking off with her when we were together and the attempted times he has tried to remove me and his own father from our daughters life. And since our separation he refuses to allow me to have any form of contact detail of his to even try and keep him in our daughters life or attempt mediation. I only have his brother, father's and mother's number and when I request to speak to him or have asked for any contact detail that I can give for mediation it's rejected.

It's gotten to the point that I don't bother asking anymore because I know she won't unless he says it's ok (which is never) and the only time I hear from him is when he wants to contact me which then he uses his mothers phone.

I am worried that he's just biding his time to attempt it again. Is there anything that can be done that can put my mind at ease when he refuses contact unless he deems it, refuses mediation and very rarely attempts contact himself?

 

[sammy01]

I'm sorry, I don't see the issue here. You seem very worried that your ex / ex-mother-in-law are gonna abduct the child...

It ain't gonna happen and if it did, you would get an urgent recovery order. So I'm gonna tell you what I think. I think you're being over vigilant. Why not let granny spend a few hours un-supervised with her own grand kid? Seriously...

If dad asks to see his own kid, let him. BTW you are guilty of exactly the same crime that you're worried he might commit. You have abducted the child away from one of her parents and you are refusing to give that parent access to the child unless it is under your rules.... Ouch