Hello All,
I was hoping I could receive some help on the below. Thank you in advance.
Family Court Orders have been in place since late 2016, which stipulate both children reside with their mother and stay with their father every second weekend and half the school holidays.
In early 2017, the eldest child began living with us – we have had 100% care since this date and, therefore, these circumstance no longer reflect the original Family Court Orders. The child has been in counselling since early 2017 (at the recommendation of the child’s G.P.) after showing some unusual and emotional behaviours, including showing an extreme reluctance to spend time with the mother (I’m not sure why and I did not see any evidence of this prior to the child being sent to live with us).
The parents’ initial agreement was for the child to reside with the father, but see the mother every second weekend. The child has a sibling (who remains with the mother) and we were hoping that, whilst this situation was not ideal, that they would at least see each other every weekend and that whatever issue the child had with the mother would naturally be resolved (we were unaware at this point how extreme the aversion to the mother was).
We did our best to arrange full weekend stays immediately, but due to the child’s reluctance (and perhaps attitude towards the mother), the mother would pull out of scheduled arrangements to see the child. At a later stage and, after speaking to the child’s psychologist, we followed through with their suggestions (and notified the mother of these), which was to perhaps start incrementally by facilitating a day visit, then move to overnight stays and full weekends, etc. This did not happen – both as a result of the child’s reluctance and extreme upset leading up to the event, and the mother’s decision to not go ahead with the scheduled meeting.
After approximately three or four months, the mother ceased requesting to see the child. They did, and still do, have contact via the phone and we ensure that the child travels with the father (whenever possible) to the pick-up location on weekends/holidays where the sibling is picked up/dropped off, so that the child and mother can see each other. We also regularly suggest that the mother visit the child at the father’s residence where the child feels comfortable (something the psychologist also recommended), and that the mother attend the counselling sessions with the child to resolve their issues and expedite their reconciliation (if I can call it that).
We have also attempted to involve the mother in school activities by notifying her of upcoming events. I understand that the mother does not believe the child to have any issues with her anymore and refuses to participate in any of the recommendations that the psychologist has made.
Our concern is, despite the mother’s lack of requests to see the child and her apparent reluctance to follow the advice of the psychologist, she is stipulating that she intends to take the matter further to enforce, either the return of the child, or visitation (I'm unsure which). It's difficult for me to say exactly what the mother wants, as it often appears contradictory (at least, to me), but we certainly would like the child to have a happy and meaningful relationship with both parents, but also for the child to feel comfortable and happy as the situation is redressed.
What would you recommend that we do in this situation that would be in the best interest of the child?
I was hoping I could receive some help on the below. Thank you in advance.
Family Court Orders have been in place since late 2016, which stipulate both children reside with their mother and stay with their father every second weekend and half the school holidays.
In early 2017, the eldest child began living with us – we have had 100% care since this date and, therefore, these circumstance no longer reflect the original Family Court Orders. The child has been in counselling since early 2017 (at the recommendation of the child’s G.P.) after showing some unusual and emotional behaviours, including showing an extreme reluctance to spend time with the mother (I’m not sure why and I did not see any evidence of this prior to the child being sent to live with us).
The parents’ initial agreement was for the child to reside with the father, but see the mother every second weekend. The child has a sibling (who remains with the mother) and we were hoping that, whilst this situation was not ideal, that they would at least see each other every weekend and that whatever issue the child had with the mother would naturally be resolved (we were unaware at this point how extreme the aversion to the mother was).
We did our best to arrange full weekend stays immediately, but due to the child’s reluctance (and perhaps attitude towards the mother), the mother would pull out of scheduled arrangements to see the child. At a later stage and, after speaking to the child’s psychologist, we followed through with their suggestions (and notified the mother of these), which was to perhaps start incrementally by facilitating a day visit, then move to overnight stays and full weekends, etc. This did not happen – both as a result of the child’s reluctance and extreme upset leading up to the event, and the mother’s decision to not go ahead with the scheduled meeting.
After approximately three or four months, the mother ceased requesting to see the child. They did, and still do, have contact via the phone and we ensure that the child travels with the father (whenever possible) to the pick-up location on weekends/holidays where the sibling is picked up/dropped off, so that the child and mother can see each other. We also regularly suggest that the mother visit the child at the father’s residence where the child feels comfortable (something the psychologist also recommended), and that the mother attend the counselling sessions with the child to resolve their issues and expedite their reconciliation (if I can call it that).
We have also attempted to involve the mother in school activities by notifying her of upcoming events. I understand that the mother does not believe the child to have any issues with her anymore and refuses to participate in any of the recommendations that the psychologist has made.
Our concern is, despite the mother’s lack of requests to see the child and her apparent reluctance to follow the advice of the psychologist, she is stipulating that she intends to take the matter further to enforce, either the return of the child, or visitation (I'm unsure which). It's difficult for me to say exactly what the mother wants, as it often appears contradictory (at least, to me), but we certainly would like the child to have a happy and meaningful relationship with both parents, but also for the child to feel comfortable and happy as the situation is redressed.
What would you recommend that we do in this situation that would be in the best interest of the child?
