VIC Ex Wants Son to Have a Name Change - Is It Possible?

[Jace]

I have an upcoming court date of 31st March 2016 as the first date of a parenting order application.

My ex, in her infinite wisdom, has decided now that she's going to get our 5-year-old son's surname changed, to remove my surname and replace it with her's, because "you're his dad but you're not his family."

After she text messaged me today requesting me to sign the forms, I said I would be willing to consider negotiating something after the visitation and parenting orders were completed in court. She said the name change is more important, and said she'll get his name changed with court approval.

I didn't decline, but said I would be willing to negotiate it after the orders were done, and she said I'm being "childish", which is what she says when she doesn't instantly get what she wants. Now she has cracked it and blocked my number so I can't contact her anymore.

My understanding of things is that to have the name of a child changed, there is the requirement of the signature of both parents listed on the birth certificate, unless there is special authorisation by the family court.

Given that there is currently a parenting order application pending, how likely is it under Family Law that she can get his surname changed without my signature, and is there anything that I can do to force her to unblock my number, so I can still check on our son?

 

[sammy01]

She will not get the kid's name change, so don't worry. I think you handled this pretty well. The only way you could handle it better is to not respond at all to stupid crap that only serves the purpose of trying to upset you. Oh, and do not get upset, do not even lose one second of sleep over that sort of crap.

Nope, there is nothing you can do about her blocking your number.

You really have to learn to manage her better. My thinking would be from here until court, just don't respond or advise her that she can discuss the matter with you through her solicitor as you don't want to get involved in petty conflicts.

Even once you have court orders, you're gonna have to deal with this sort of crap. This ain't legal advice just my opinion based on my experience. You have to learn to disengage with all the conflict that she is gonna wanna cause you.

 

[Jace]

Yeah I know. Thanks for your input, much appreciated.

She claims to have a lawyer, but if she did, they would have told her that everything she has said or claimed is wrong, and I could use in evidence against her when the time comes. Clearly she has no lawyer. Everything she's said today now sits as another 2 pages of printed text messages and will be included in my re-submission of the Affidavit and Initiating Application later this week.

But I'm looking at precedence as well. I found a case from last year that is exactly the same situation as what I'm in. If I can link to it from here....www.austlii.edu.au/au/cases/cth/FamCA/2015/1011.html - The child lives with the mother full time. A parenting order is granted. The father sees the child every second weekend. The mother then defies the parenting order 3 times and is brought back before the court. The father is granted sole custody and the mother is banned from contacting the child for a couple of months, and after that is only allowed to see the child as supervised visits.

Seems like the magistrate doesn't take crap from anyone lol. And I'm sure that specific case had some circumstances in excess of mine, but something similar would stand, that there would be some sort of hefty penalty if she defied the order.

I've written the proposed order myself, and had it checked over by a family law solicitor. He was quite impressed (I'm not a lawyer but wrote a contract once haha), and confirmed it's "water tight" and has no room for error. So if she does something wrong, it's very much on purpose. I've given up my social life over the last two months to spend each night writing it.

 

[sammy01]

Mate, I would not bother entering the latest nonsense in affidavits. Why? Well, your job is to show that you can work with mum to effectively co-parent the child. The mum can prove to the magistrate that she is a twit. Your job is to show you can work with the mum.

As far as precedence goes, it ain't that relevant in family law. But reading cases like that no doubt gives you some reason for optimism and if you're self-representing, you are starting to learn lots about family law. Now given the ex also appears to be self-representing, the more you know and the less she knows the better for you.

Go get a book called "Breaking Up' by a bloke whose last name is Larkin. It is a good read to learn some of the basics of self-representing. You can probably get it from the local library.

 

[Jace]

My affidavits are pretty much almost entirely showing how I've attempted to work with her but I only get abuse and rejections in return. I'd like to think she could prove to the magistrate she is a twit, but she has messaged me today saying she has no intention of going to the court hearing. So I'm not 100% sure where that leaves things now.

Fair enough, precedence isn't relevant. I've been hopeful and reading too much into things recently. But it has at least given me a better than the previous understanding of the process, plus I've used some of the orders in prior cases in which to "springboard" my own order that I've written.

I've taken note of the book and I'll have a look at it next time I'm in the area of my library.

Thanks

 

[Jace]

So I have the upcoming initial court date for a Parenting Order. I've put the application in and am representing myself, as I don't qualify for Legal Aid and can't afford a lawyer. In a similar situation, my ex would also be representing herself.

If she bothered to show up at court.

The court date is at the end of March for the initial hearing. Today I messaged her and reminded her about the upcoming court date and said "I assume you would be attending, yes?" and she replied "No, I will not be attending."

So .. what happens now? If she doesn't attend court at all, does that make it more difficult for me to get a Parenting Order granted, or does it go the other way and one is granted because she didn't bother to show up and contest it?

 

[sammy01]

Stop communicating with her. Just because she says she won't be there doesn't mean she won't be there. So why ask?

If she doesn't show and keeps up with that approach it will be her undoing in the end.

 

[AllForHer]

Agree with the above - stop communicating with her. If she doesn't show up, fine, the matter might proceed undefended. If she does, also fine. It's not your job to make her participate in proceedings. Hell, it's best case scenario if she doesn't.