WA Ex partner dictating visitations

[Singlemum]

Very complicated situation. Ex partner now lives and works overseas in Singapore but comes back to Perth to spend time with our 4 year old daughter. He works in aviation so while this has its bonuses of lots of extended time off and free airfares to come back to Australia he uses his changing month to month roster as an excuse to continuously dictate to me when and for long how he is coming down to see our daughter for and expects me to fit in with this every time. This has been happening for 3 years now, it's very unpredictable/inconsistent for our daughter and I have honestly had enough as I never get chance to plan work or social arrangements around him having our daughter as it is only when it suits him. There has been so many times when he lets her and I down by cancelling at the last minute and so many times where he lies about his roster and having to work when really he is just having time off or taken himself away on his 100th holiday. If ever I was to say the dates/time didn't suit me he would then put his foot down and tell me he won't come at all and our daughter would have to wait months to see him again so I would always give in. We have gone through numerous parenting agreements but they never last as he always uses his work/roster as an excuse for not sticking to it. I know of a few aviation people in similar situations who do make it work because they request the same time off each month and swap their rosters around etc but unfortunately our daughter isn't my ex's priority but he just uses work as an excuse. I have always bent over backwards trying to facilitate their relationship but I can't continue to have him dictate the times, the unreliability, the lies etc. It's not fair on my daughter or myself. I'm just hoping for some advice if I did want a more formal arrangement how would the courts view this situation, would they just say he has the right to keep dictating when he wants to see our daughter because of his work/roster? He can't just have a relationship with her only when it suits him. I want them to keep having a relationship but there needs to be some form of constant/predictability for my daughter and it needs to be fair on everyone.
Any advice or knowledge of similar situations much appreciated

 

[Rod]

I'd be thinking about what I want, writing it up and presenting it to the ex.

If he disagrees see if you can negotiate a mutually acceptable plan and if you can't agree get a parenting plan approved by the WA family Court.

 

[Cairns123]

I have exactly the same issue but am in court.
When it came down to it, and interim orders were set, all of a sudden for the first time in 15 years predictable time off was possible despite them asking for flexible orders which the children and I end up running like you do.

 

[patrick shea]

I'd be thinking about what I want, writing it up and presenting it to the ex.

If he disagrees see if you can negotiate a mutually acceptable plan and if you can't agree get a parenting plan approved by the WA family Court.

Very complicated situation. Ex partner now lives and works overseas in Singapore but comes back to Perth to spend time with our 4 year old daughter. He works in aviation so while this has its bonuses of lots of extended time off and free airfares to come back to Australia he uses his changing month to month roster as an excuse to continuously dictate to me when and for long how he is coming down to see our daughter for and expects me to fit in with this every time. This has been happening for 3 years now, it's very unpredictable/inconsistent for our daughter and I have honestly had enough as I never get chance to plan work or social arrangements around him having our daughter as it is only when it suits him. There has been so many times when he lets her and I down by cancelling at the last minute and so many times where he lies about his roster and having to work when really he is just having time off or taken himself away on his 100th holiday. If ever I was to say the dates/time didn't suit me he would then put his foot down and tell me he won't come at all and our daughter would have to wait months to see him again so I would always give in. We have gone through numerous parenting agreements but they never last as he always uses his work/roster as an excuse for not sticking to it. I know of a few aviation people in similar situations who do make it work because they request the same time off each month and swap their rosters around etc but unfortunately our daughter isn't my ex's priority but he just uses work as an excuse. I have always bent over backwards trying to facilitate their relationship but I can't continue to have him dictate the times, the unreliability, the lies etc. It's not fair on my daughter or myself. I'm just hoping for some advice if I did want a more formal arrangement how would the courts view this situation, would they just say he has the right to keep dictating when he wants to see our daughter because of his work/roster? He can't just have a relationship with her only when it suits him. I want them to keep having a relationship but there needs to be some form of constant/predictability for my daughter and it needs to be fair on everyone.
Any advice or knowledge of similar situations much appreciated

You need mediation and come to an agreement . Court orders wont work if the other party is not going to comply . The court wont and cannot enforce an orders having been in the system 15 years . Our last order did not even last 3 hours and cost me another $5000.00 after being defrauded out of a cost application of $50000.00

 

[patrick shea]

I'd be thinking about what I want, writing it up and presenting it to the ex.

If he disagrees see if you can negotiate a mutually acceptable plan and if you can't agree get a parenting plan approved by the WA family Court.

Go to mediation but do not get the court involved has neither will get what you want and the orders cannot be enforced so save your dough and mediate

 

[NathanT]

Go to mediation but do not get the court involved has neither will get what you want and the orders cannot be enforced so save your dough and mediate

I do not share the view about mediation. All I got was 3 hours of hearing no, no, no from the other side of the table and I ended up agreeing to half the things the other side wanted just so that it wasn’t a complete waste of time and money.

 

[Lennon]

Mediation was a complete waste of time for me. We went 3 times, each time limited to an hour and months between appointments. My ex used the time to complain about what an awful husband I had been and the mediator did nothing to keep her on track.

Bottom line - we went to trial and I got everything (and more) that I had asked for at mediation.