NSW Ex Creating Non-existent Issues During Visit - What to Do?

[Twooke]

Hi guys, me again!

So I've seen my son 3 times now, with yesterday being the first time I've been with him for the whole 2 hours... Again, just like the previous times we had an absolutely wonderful time together and he seemed to be a little upset when it was time to leave.

Last night, I received a text message off my ex at around 6pm saying that our son has been extremely unsettled since returning from our visit and "for the sake of X's (our son's) wellbeing" she wants it to go back to one hour a week for the foreseeable future until she feels that he is ready for 2 hours...

She also said:

"if you disagree or wish to discuss this further feel free to get back to me, otherwise the visits will go back to one hour and I'll be happy that you are finally putting X's needs before your own".

Obviously I can't write back because of my AVO....

I wholly disagree with this as we had a great time yesterday, it seems that he is really enjoying our time together and the supervisor agrees as well... but I can't write back to her as I have an AVO on me, I emailed her solicitor this morning saying that I disagreed with her message and referred to our orders and that I'll be expecting two hours again next week, but I received an automated reply saying that he was on holidays..

I am really not sure what to do, should I ring the contact centre and let them know that I don't agree, or wait and hope her solicitor gets back to me before next week? I know it's only an hour but it's half the time I have with him a week and cherish every minute I get with him, I'm really at a loss as to what I should do at the moment.

Thanks!

 

[Rod]

You appear to have done the correct thing writing back to the ex's solicitors.

I'd also ring the centre to confirm the other bookings are for 2 hrs as per court orders and must not to be changed without your authority.

Suspect you'll be back in court filing contravention orders

 

[Lennon]

One hour seems far too short. He will barely have warmed up with you when he has to go back again. I'd do as Rod has suggested.

 

[AllForHer]

It sounds like you've done everything you need to do, which is notify her via her lawyer that you're not agreeable to any deviation from the interim orders.

Frankly, I can't see how she expects to end a two-hour visit after an hour at a contact centre - is she planning to walk in and demand they return the kid to her care? Ridiculous.

On top of that, I want to add that two hours of time together is going to be no more unsettling than one hour, so don't put too much weight on this assertion from mum. For us, our stepdaughter was very clingy at the end of every second weekend visit and unsettled at her mum's straight after. Mum took this to mean the visits were too long or two frequent and sought to reduce them, but we persisted.

We found then that the more frequent the visits became, the more settled she was. I put it down to her struggling to deal with or understand the 10-day break between the times she saw her dad, especially given she saw her dad every three or four days for most of her life before mum decided to withhold. Perhaps your son is experiencing the same uncertainty about the current arrangement. With that said, it's just speculation for Court purposes, but it might help you support your son to manage his emotions a little better while all this business gets sorted out.

 

[sammy01]

yup just abusive crap on her part "finally putting X needs above your own"? give me a break.

Court orders say 2 hours right? Then book two hours, tell the contact centre that you're staying for two hours. If mum stops the 2 hours as a result, get yourself back to court and let the magistrate explain it to her...

Mate you're doing well. Would have been tempting to respond to the text message, but you can bet she would be at the cops in no time...

But - just for fun... I've sailed on this ship before...

So have a close look at the AVO paperwork...

Story time... I had an AVO... The ex started sending messages, started calling, leaving messages to tell me that I had to pay this bill or do that, sometimes they were subtly nasty... I never responded, never answered...

Then she worked out how to call and her name did not appear on my mobile - came up private number... So I answer, she gives me a gob full. I tell her I'm not allowed to talk to her... She said "That is right - don't talk - listen," - so I hung up...

So - please have a look at the wording of the AVO paperwork... I'm in NSW too. So my AVO paperwork said something to the effect that both parties are restrained from using telecommunication devices to contact each other. What ever the wording, the intention is clear, it is to prevent the sort of BS harassment she is throwing at you under the guise of 'parenting'....

So go have a read on the AVO... Post what it says here as the terms and conditions if you wouldn't mind. But if you get a good cop on a good day, you just might have some fun with this. I reckon a good result would be for the cop to contact her and tell her not to communicate with you... If you choose to go to the cops, make the point that you feel she is baiting you. You can't communicate to her - how can she write 'get back to me' when she knows well and truly that to do so is a breach of the AVO.

In my case the cop gave the ex a stern talking too... Right there at the front desk of the police station... I could hear her trying to justify herself and this copper giving her a good dressing down about how she had come to the police station claiming she was scared and that they had done all they could to help and as far as he was concerned she had wasted their time...

It was great fun... A small win for me at a time when I wasn't winning too many.

One last story - I knew a guy... He went to jail - breach of avo.. His version of the story (which I believe). The ex calls from the public phone at the pub... Tells him to come to the pub to pick up the kids.

He goes, she isn't there.... He calls her mobile, leaves a message... She calls from another pub and another public phone - so no records. Tells him to come to that pub. He goes, she's not there. This gets repeated, with his messages getting increasingly angry.

It ends with the cops calling him in and him getting charged. Don't become that guy...

 

[Twooke]

Thanks for your help guys.
I rang the contact centre and they told me that unless our orders change they'll be expecting the visit to go for 2 hours as well. Cheers for that, it's put my mind at ease!

Allforher - that what I kind of got out of it. I felt that if we were having such a good time together and he's acting up after it. I think that he may be craving more time with me. I want to be his role model and that's how I've conducted myself during this whole time. And I honestly do feel that he will need more time with me in order for him to settle... Hopefully when we go back in march that will happen.

And Sammy, the wording and orders on my AVO are -

Order 1 - which I've been told are the mandatory orders, and

Order 5 - the defendant must not approach or contact the protected person(s) by any means whatsoever, except through the defendants legal representative or as agreed in writing or permitted by an order or directions under the family law act 1975, for the purpose of counselling, conciliation or mediation.

And don't worry, I have absolutely no intention of talking to her. The second I got that message on Wednesday night. The first thing I thought was. I'll be sending her solicitor a letter tomorrow. Writing back never even crossed my mind!

 

[sammy01]

I'd still contact the cops -

She has you up in a catch 22. If you contact her you breach the AVO. If you don't contact her it implies you agree with her decision because her text message suggests that if you don't contact her you are in agreement...

The ex is playing games... When is the next visit? Before or after the solicitor is back at work? Im thinking maybe she knows that you cant contact the solicitor before the next visit because of the Christmas holiday period?

Don't bother - but it would be interesting if you wrote back. "no thanks 2 hours as per court orders"... The avo says no communication unless by agreement. Clearly by her asking you a question is is agreeing to you writing a response. But don't bother. Write an nice long letter to her solicitor, that way it will cost her money...

 

[Rod]

If you don't contact her it implies you agree with her decision because her text message suggests that if you don't contact her you are in agreement

Many people have tried this approach before his ex. Doesn't work that way. One party cannot unilaterally take silence as assent to whatever their proposal may be.

 

[Twooke]

Hi guys!

So I had my visit with my son today...

I had emailed her solicitor, told the contact centre and even had the police call my ex due to me not agreeing to only having one hour with my son, instead of 2!!

Still she just showed up and barged into the centre demanding her son back, and that the hour is up. The centre had to give him to her as she wouldn't leave or calm down and they also warned me that if this happens again they don't think that it'd be appropriate to continue to provide the service to us!

So at this stage, I feel that the only option I have is to only allow one hour so that I can continue to see my son or stop seeing him again, which is not an option. Our next court appearance isn't for another 8 weeks!

Is there anything else I can do?

 

[sammy01]

I'm surprised she didn't just show up an hour late...

8 weeks - it is nothing... Deal with it and let the magistrate explain it to her. But push her solicitor for an answer...

See if you can get a letter from the contact centre that explains the reasons why the time has been reduce...

Stay calm mate - it is a long race you're running, not a sprint.