NSW Email Communication to Finalise Court Orders Fails - What to Do?

[Brandon Taylor]

Hi,

My ex and I went to mediation, where we 'agreed' on a set of new orders that needed to be finalised.

Upon receiving the draft orders, I noticed that she is not allowing me to have my daughter for the last 11 consecutive days of the Autumn, Winter and Spring school holidays every year, rather than every second year.

Now this wouldn't be a problem if we lived in the same state and I didn't have any children in NSW. But we do and I have another child (possibly more in the future).

The reason I want the last 11 consecutive days is because I would like both my children to be able to bond and build a relationship and I'm afraid that by the time my youngest starts school. My eldest will be 11/12 and will not want to build a relationship if she only spends literally 23 full days with her other siblings each year.

I mentioned this during mediation and the ex stated "well it would be nice for you to have 1 on 1 time with her. And that doesn't work for me because M (her child) goes to her father's house for the holidays so S (our child) will not get to spend holidays with her".

My daughter and M live together.

I have drafted the orders and added my proposed changes and wrote to the solicitor with what changes I would like and the reasons why but the above is the main one...

If the ex denies my proposition... What do I do? We have a family court date listed in December for her contraventions (she was previously self-representing as Legal Aid turned her down and now she has miraculously found money to afford a lawyer). We won't be going back to court if this is settled.

Do you think the above is unreasonable to ask? Considering my other children will only get to spend 36 days max with my daughter (per year) - I don't really find it fair that my ex is taking 10+ days off them.

This is not about me or her... It's literally about the children!!

The whole point of taking her to court is that she is unwilling to facilitate a relationship with my daughter and myself (let alone my other children) and broke existing court orders to hinder what relationship we do have.

 

[AllForHer]

You haven't been very clear about the holiday time, so just to clarify...

Are you seeking half of all school holidays? All of every school holidays? All of the short holidays and half of the long holidays?

If you're seeking half, is it the same half every year, or first half then second half on alternating years?

And what is she offering? Only half holidays every second year? Or half holidays every year, but not the half you want?

 

[Brandon Taylor]

Hi AllForHer

I applogise for not being clearer.

I already have 11 consecutive days Autumn, Winter and Spring and half of Summer.

Whether it be the last 11 or the first 11 consec days/half alternate between odd and even years.

I am seeking last 11 consec days in Autumn, Winter and Spring holidays because my daughter's QLD school holidays start 1 week before my other children's NSW school holidays.

 

[Brandon Taylor]

I would like last 11 consec days every year in the smaller holidays... For the purpose of my daughter and my other children to actually spend time with each other and bond.

 

[AllForHer]

Ah, I see. So you want half holidays, but you'd like it to always be the second half in the short holidays so it aligns with the school holidays of the child's half-sibling, correct?

Have proceedings commenced already? Do you already have orders?

 

[Brandon Taylor]

There is currently a contravention case that I filed against the ex. Judge ordered us to mediation to change existing court orders. The mediator sent through the changes to be made to the propised new orders however I do not agree with everything.

I have sent her solicitor an email with proposed changes and given 7 days for a response. I have decided that if ex does not agree to this because if the effects it will have on the children, I will file an amended contravention application (as ordered to by the judge).

Something interesting though... My daughter (5) was suspended from attending school camp. Ex hasn't given any explanation other than "not listening. Her actions have resulted in people being hurt."

I asked whether it was a school decision or her decision and what happened - no response.

I called the school and received confirmation that my daughter was suspended from attending by her teacher and principal. I have emailed the Principal who is likely to reply tomorrow. If he says there are serious concern for my daughters welfare or the children around her, what do you think I do?

If the above does happen, I am seriously considering applying for full custody. If you have any insight to the above, please let me know...

 

[AllForHer]

Don't get carried away just yet. First, you need to deal with the orders in terms of the contraventions.

Were the contraventions in relation to school holidays? Is the change to holiday time going to resolve the dispute?

If there's no agreement on the new orders, then yes, file an amended contravention application, but you must make sure that in your amended application, you're trying to resolve the contravention first and foremost.

As an example, we were threatened with contravention proceedings every time my stepdaughter had a sleepover with her grandparents because mum felt we weren't giving her first right of refusal. The solution for all the disputes around that order wasn't to force each parent to give first right of refusal, it was to remove that order all together because any order that caused that much disputation probably isn't in the best interests of the kid.

As for the suspension issue, you need to have a bit more perspective about the situation. Do other kids get removed from their parents because they've been suspended once from school? No? The same rule applies to your kid.

If the school raises concern with DHS, by all means, look more seriously into it, but if not, then you need to look at this as a behavioural issue with your child, rather than a parenting issue with the mother. Indeed, it may be the mum-vs-dad aura that's causing your kid to act out against others. Speak with the school and find out what happened, then speak to your kid. That's what ordinary parents do when they're not trying to vilify the other for Court purposes.

 

[Brandon Taylor]

School holidays were discussed at mediation in relation to trying to reach an agreement for new orders.

Much more serious contraventions have occurred, like withholding my daughter for 6 months, allowing my daughter to be longer than 6 hours away from her Mother but still.. withholding her from me etc.

The 6 main contraventions I have compiled (trust me there were a lot more but we were ordered to 6) highlights my ex is unwilling to facilitate relationships between my daughter and myself and now my ex is progressing that onto her other siblings. My daughter does not call her half sister (my side) her sister and refuses to acknowledge her as that. Yet her mother's other daughter is 'her sister' and she has 'another sister' that was a miscarriage from when me and her mum were together. She will acknowledge the plant as a sister but not my other child. That is learnt behaviour for a 5 year old.

In relation to being suspended from school... What 5 year old gets suspended in Prep (equivalent to Kindergarten)? I have asked her mother what happened and as above "her actions resulted in people being hurt". The same day, my 5 year old tells me on the phone "my sister almost did today, she was on my desk and I tried to get her off and she fell on her head". Hearsay in court. Clearly, she must have done something extremely bad. I hope you can understand my concern.

I asked my 5 year old. She says "somethings I want to tell you, somethings I don't want to" or the usual "I can't hear you Dad". When she can hear me very clearly.

This is not a me picking on my ex scenario. I want the best for my daughter and my children. There is obviously something wrong. I am literally lost for what to do and am asking for help. I don't need to be told what 'ordinary' parents would do when I am not allowed to be an 'ordinary' parent because my daughter is constantly being manipulated and I have no information about what is happening.

 

[AllForHer]

The problem here is that you've just come within an inch of reaching agreement to see your kid for 36 days of the year, off the back of a contravention order, instead of an application to vary the existing orders out of concern for your daughter, and all of a sudden, you want to reverse residency?

You don't think that's going to cause a few raised eyebrows in the courtroom?

 

[Brandon Taylor]

You have misunderstood. As mentioned above this is not about me.

I get a total of 54 days during the holidays + 1 weekend each school holiday.

The issue is my children in NSW start school holidays 1 week after my daughter who currently lives in QLD. I would like the last 11 consecutive days so that the children can spend more time together instead of alternating each year between the first 11 and last 11. The difference in days my child will spend with her siblings goes from 36 days to 24 days a year.

I am willing to settle on the last 11 consecutive days in the Autumn, Winter and Spring.

The contravention case is here because the mother is unwilling to facilitate a relationship between my daughter and my famil and has broken the existing order over and over. I have given her ample time and chances before filing this contravention application. If she is not willing to change the school holidays then its pretty obvious she does not have my daughter's best interest in her mind and has no intention of changing.

However, if the school states thst they have serious welfare concerns, I would be a bloody s**t Father for not looking into it.
Seeing as my daughter has been sworn to secrecy by her mother and her mothers extremely vague text message, I know there is something wrong that she is trying to cover up.